After a rough start, the day didn't get much easier. The load was made easier by EX-ers. Oh, and by my sister, God love 'er, who dropped off an enormous goody-bag for me at work. It must have six different kinds of gum, mints, a bath bomb, chocolate-covered blueberries, little bags of nuts and nut mixes, a scented candle, hard candy, hand lotion, and so much more. That was around 3 p.m., and I think it was the first time I smiled today. Thank God for sisters. Oh, and for husbands. He texted me a kissy face. You have to know him. He's a proud Luddite who doesn't know what an emoji even is, let alone how to use one. He must've gotten lots of help to be able to do that.
At lunch, I actually did a 10-minute meditation in the car. It helped, but not as much as I'd hoped. I noticed I could't calm my breathing as well as I had been. When I got back to my office, I shut the door and did 10 minutes of stretching. That helped more, I think.
I drank a LOT of very cold water today. It felt to me that the urges were with me every minute, all day long.
I nearly left work. Part of what's going on, I think, is that I'm coming down with something. So, I feel miserable on top of it being Day Two. I really just wanted to go home, get in bed, read a book, and sleep it all off. Brianairb2, your comment on my last post came immediately to mind. You're right. Being home AT ALL is hardest for me right now, but being home alone would be a disaster, I think. I'll have to work up to that. So, I stayed at work.
Made it through the day, came home, had dinner with the whole family, took a 20-minute walk.
Yesterday was effortless, almost. Or maybe that's not quite right. It was just graceful. Smooth. Today was clunky, like pushing a flat-tired wheelbarrow up a hill.
Not much more to say at this point, except that these days, I guess, are just part of it. They'll pass, eventually. Until they do, Yo Yo Ma and I are going to have a lot of hot baths together.
--Dawn, with thanks for the EX-community encouragement today, and with hope for all #newbie quitters that these wheelbarrow days come with all the encouragement you need.
