Yesterday turned out to be a hard day. Without giving too much personal detail I heard from my brother, I havent heard from him in two weeks. He is 10 years younger than me so a lot of his care fell onto me. So the relationship there is stronger than a typical brother/sister bond. Anyway he recently made some choices in his life that are less than stellar. This is what drove my gramma to buy a pack after two weeks somber, she ended up tossing em out. I didnt ask how much of them she smoked it doesnt matter what matters is she threw then away. Anyway I finally got to speak my mind to my brother yesterday I've been holding back for a while now and to no avail I feel like a failure. He is not on the right path and it hurts. The thing I didnt really connect about stressors or emotional upheaval and their connection with urges to smoke is that the emotion is what continues to perpetuate the urge to smoke. I dont really want a cigarette but I do. I didnt because i know the truth. It will not make me better it will not make these feelings go away. The only way to get through these feelings is to get through it. One day at a time. Deep breaths.
Yesterday I kept telling myself this urge will go away but the stress will not. I have to relearn how to get through these things without smoking and I didnt sleep well last night, but today is day 14 smoke free.