Good evening everyone. It's been an interesting 13th day in my quit. I did have a few pangs, which I associated with ends of activities. Again, I am just amazed at how these "nic fits" show up--they just come out of the blue, reside a while, and then, if I've been wise enough to get busy--go away. I'm trying the deep breathing, but I don't always remember that strategy. I have an unhealthy distrust of group activities that promote meditation, mindfulness, and yoga--it's my fault entirely. I probably envy those who participate, enjoy, and benefit from any and all of those kinds of activities. My problem is one of nerves--I remember attending a "quit smoking" clinic once and how completely I made an ass out of myself. First, one of the participants asked the clinician if she'd ever smoked. She said, "Oh no, never. I won't let anyone get near me who is smoking." That did not strike me as being a very promising response. Being the aggressive smoker I was then, I wanted to just go up and breath all over her, but I told myself, "Just relax, she means well--I think." After we had been told, in so many words, how evil we all were for smoking and how, if we were factories, we would be in violation of the clean air and water act, she announced that one of the effective ways to deal with the anxiety brought on as one quits this disgusting habit, is to meditate--and she was going to teach us how. So we were asked to remain quiet, to relax, close our eyes, and listen to her. As she took us through a routine designed to calm us to the point of being comatose, I just started getting more and more anxious--when I get really anxious in a difficult situation I smile, and then I try to suppress it with everything I have, but suddenly, I start laughing. ( This got me in lots of hot water in high school, when I got sent to the Principal's Office--I was an irrepressible sort in those days--still am, although to a lesser degree now) --Anyway, I started to giggle--the more I tried to suppress it, the worse things got. I tried to cough to disguise my indiscretion, but I just burst out in a huge guffaw. Needless to say, I ruined the meditation. I excused myself, left the building, never to return, and lit one up, then another and well, you know how it goes. So really the joke was on me, because I didn't quit smoking. So tomorrow, I'm going to try to do a simple breathing exercise that some have recommended I try. I hope you are all well, warm, and safe.
