Hello everyone, especially those who have been encouraging me--your thoughts and above everything, your kindness and willingness to help me is appreciated more than I ever can express.
Today is Day #3 --it looks really anemic on the page here, but I made it. I just finished playing my piano ( had a lesson today) and as usual, I thought about a little reward for myself--a cigarette. As many of you have mentioned, finishing an activity is usually a good excuse to light one up. I am so convinced that it's more a habit than it is an addiction--but I've made so many errors, my biggest being the NOPE one that set me back here, that I'm just trying to get through each day, without re-lapsing and without drawing any conclusions.
I must admit that little things are getting me really P.O.d and I'm going to have to watch that. That sort of behavior, I think, could drive me to buy another pack of cigs and feel even more P.O'd that I deliberately jumped back into the hole I just crawled out of. I speak English, French, and Profane--the latter language was more than fluent today. Fortunately no one was around me, so I got away with both my anger and my profanity.
A thought here: I can't imagine how some of the people on this sight quit smoking in a home where others continue to smoke--I have so much admiration for you. You are incredible people with iron resolve. Why should I get all wound up over some little thing when other people have it much tougher than I. My only excuse is that I have smoked for so long, it's really foreign to think of myself as a non-smoker.
Well, I am relatively sure that I can make it through this evening, and conclude Day #3 on the positive side. A further thought, I did find that dealing with a "nic fit," by doing something different helped a lot. I read somewhere that a craving only lasts a few minutes--I wonder if that's right. I am waiting for the big "pull" on my resolve--hope it never comes.
I'm not intensely religious, but I do send blessings to each of you who are putting up with me. You are not and will never be, taken for granted. Hope to write to you tomorrow evening. Be well, be safe; you are already blessed.