Why? Why would someone else's relapse be MY worst trigger? I want to be a helpful member of the community. I want to be able to give encouragement and be a good cheerleader. But I have to admit to myself (and to all of you) that I have a really hard time of it after I do so. I have encountered lots of triggers and worked through them, talked about them, been okay with them, never thought about them again.
When YOU give yourself permission to smoke, I want to do it too. As well as I've been doing for these past 4 months, I'm not 100% sure I'll be quit forever. I didn't know that until today. I commented that if I knew I had one day to live I'd go get cigarettes and smoke them all. That's not being 100% quit. That's not quite as stable as I'd hoped I was.
It makes me very sad. Very, very sad. Is this a common thing? What can I do for myself?