Yesterday I talked about how I sit through intense cravings, usually in the late afternoons. I talked about how I visualize all the steps I'd take to go get those cigarettes and smoke 'em but then don't. I got some feedback about doing it differently, and I got my back up. After a lot of reflection, I realize I was feeling a great deal of pride and self-righteousness about being stoic in my pain. And I realize that that's a bunch of horseshit.
When the Elders tell me to reward myself, to visualize positive things, to find new ways to relax or to ease boredom, I need to listen to that wisdom. Because doing it the self-righteous way is totally making it worse. I've been misunderstanding the nicotine addiction, and how it works, and how best to turn it around. It's a little bit like grieving in that my feelings need to be acknowledged, but in this way it isn't: I need to help myself feel better, and not sink into the negative feelings.
Problem is (for me) I have very little imagination. Maybe it's because I never needed it before, but I have a really hard time coming up with ways to reward myself or battle boredom. So: Elders, I humbly ask for help in getting through my late afternoons. Preferably ideas that don't cost much.