1940slover

Finally 1 solid full day

Blog Post created by 1940slover on Aug 27, 2017

Finally 1 solid full day without smokes and I already want to run and hide.  I've been depressed, pouty, just feeling down trottin awful! The more I try to talk to people about this, the more I get angry.  If I hear one more person say well look what you're gaining, oh don't think like that, oh stop being negative etc. etc. I'm going to scream!

 

YES I FEEL DEPRESSED!

YES I FEEL DEPRIVED!

YES I FEEL AWFUL!

YES I'M GETTING ANGRY!

 

I am not making how I feel invalid!  I'm validating how I feel because it's truly how I feel! I'm not going to "try to change it" because guess what? This don't work!  I think people nowadays try to mask all the negative emotions, literally try to block them out. They think that negative emotions are horrible, bad, shouldn't be there, oh smile them out.  It doesn't work, I'm here to tell you it doesn't work. 

I used to be like that, put on a mask for everyone. Always be happy, always positive, always cheering people up!  Then something happened.

We had an apartment fire, we lost everythinggggggggggggggggggg!  All we had was our clothes on our backs and my glasses on my face.  Not even my ID and that took another year to get it.  Did being positive help anything? Nope and did any of my friends whom I always listened to, cheered up, made laugh, did they come help?  NOPE!  They didn't care!  Cigarettes helped me mask this side, I'm sure of it.  It helped me keep up this positive good negative bad society expects now! maybe a negative person and never knew it, if I am well this is me!

 

Now that I've started my new job which for a 40's lover, working for the state government is probably something that she would have done so my job is perfect. Although I don't know how I'm going to deal with coworkers and people on the phone like this. It might get better but I doubt I will be able to deal with screaming people and keep composure like this!  I couldn't even really do anything because it feels like it just took tedious effort just to make coffee!  It's not hard to make coffee in my perculator but it just felt like that.

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