My first day was extremely hard. I didn't check my car this morning, we have a mother and baby kittens outside, and one of the kittens was in the engine. Luckily I caught them just in time and the kitten was hurt but not terminal. After I brung her inside, gave her a flea bath, cleaned up her face, and put antibiotic ointment on her mouth and whiskers she looked a lot better. It wasn't as bad as I thought but her left eye I'm afraid is severely injured. She might be blind in that eye. I'll be taking her to the vet on Wednesday.
I have never felt more depressed and tortured. I drove to my job today and couldn't think anything but that young baby kitten. I finally turned back around, thinking she was dead, and in fact she was alive. I called into work and spent the day taking care of her. She's been doing nothing but sleeping but still alive, she isn't even hungry but then again would you be?
After that I have to restart my quit, I accept my consequences. I know smoking won't help the emotions, although it does seem like it. My husband smokes too and he felt just as guilty for that little kitten. We're both feeling better, at least she was alive. I said my rosary tonight for the strength to finally quit once and for all tomorrow, I won't give up but I won't become a serial quitter over and over. It's the same rosary that my mother gave me, her mother gave her, and her mother gave her. It was made in 1895 and light pink. It gives me comfort when things are bad and also I feel a connection since all of them are dead. A connection through my religion to my family if that makes sense.
Also I prepared my list for groceries, trying to reduce the stress that I have during the first week. Believe it or not, we follow the old rationing system. I've lost so much weight going down from 205 to 190 in a few months. It's hard but it's doable. Also I need to sew my husband's shorts, the button fell off in the wash lol. I sew, cross stitch, and crochet.