So this is my 1st blog and I do like the scheme of the website. I just put on the patch tonight at 5pm and off we go although I did put my quit date as tomorrow because well unfortunately I smoked mostly all day outside of course.Smoking isn't doing anymore for me anymore, although my bipolar seems to think so.
My teeth don't think so anymore.
My money definitely don't think so anymore.
My cats well they hate the smell.
My insulin well it's saying no you're not controlling me. I'm controlling you! Last check it was extremely high even though I'm loosing weight.
I used to go to NA for a meth addiction, luckily I never got caught. I have no drug felonies or misdemanors or anything like that, I was smart in how I played that. Although I could see what it was doing to me and I see what cigarettes are doing to me. I don't go to NA anymore, don't seem to feel the need to since I've been clean for 15 years off of that. It wasn't easy by any means and I don't think cigarettes will be either. I really just traded a deadly addiction for another deadly addiction. So not only am I a recovering meth addict now I'm also a recoverying nicotine addict. The only difference is I'm taking a somewhat medication to help this one because I know, give it a week or two, that cold turkey is going to make the bipolar impossible to live with. Maybe after a month or so I'll think about getting off of that.
All I know is my higher power wants me off of cigarettes, lately here I've been thinking HIGHER POWERS as in more than 1 God. I know as a Roman Catholic I shouldn't think like this! I betcha it's either fall, with halloween coming or my pagan husband is wearing off on me. We discuss about it who knows maybe I can believe in both! He/They want me off of all of this completely.
Instead of food I find myself buying cigarettes or stuff to make them.
Instead of saving up for something REALLY fun, I want it now! I want the dopamine hit NOW! So I buy cigarettes.
Instead of even watching movies on youtube umm no I'd rather smoke.
Instead of saving money for bills oh no cigarettes okay the bills can be put off.......so irresponsible!
Sounds like it's unmanageable ain't it? It is because we're sinking into debt fast even with both of us making 13 dollars per hour and 40 hour weeks. Miss I got everything under control, guess what.....I don't have everything under control!