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Give and get support around quitting

Daniela2016
Member

Regarding Shawn's blog "I just don't understand!!!"

I would like to know how come other comments are being "reviewed" but all the foul language one person brought in that blog was never censored? 

In the space of several days that particular person managed to insult a big group of people who commented honestly, provided feed back all in good faith, just to be slapped with horrible, indecent language by someone who was not attacked in any way, form or shape.

Mark‌, I can see the discussion is now closed, and I certainly hope it will be reviewed by the EX committee and in the future there will be ways to prevent such individuals to express themselves if they do so using insulting, gross, unacceptable language.  I have been here a little more than a year, but never before I've seen such aggressive, violent, demeaning individual "contributing". And sure hope, I will never again see it on this site.

50 Replies
MarilynH
Member

I've been here for close to three years and that was horrible and there was definitely no reason for it, Lord willing that'll never happen again. (((((Huge hug for you and everyone else that needs one like maybe ShawnP ♡)))))

elvan
Member

I think this person was clearly out of control and really wanted to get people to feed into his or her anger.  It was not a pretty sight, I am sure that Mark‌ shut it down when he became aware of it.  Big hugs and love to all of those who were subjected to this barrage of insults. I do think that the wagons were circled very effectively!

Ellen

CommunityAdmin
Community Manager
Community Manager

I'm traveling and will address as soon as possible. As always we should be

slow to judge. We're all one team here on EX no matter where we are in our

journey. Rather than reacting to such posts, the report abuse button should

be used. Retaliation is never permitted.

We win together and we lose together.

Mark

From my phone

EX Community Admin Team
elvan
Member

Mark‌ I kept reading and I was stunned at the anger and the language....I did not know where the report abuse button was and I just wanted to be sure you knew about it.  Would the report abuse button have gone elsewhere?  

CommunityAdmin
Community Manager
Community Manager

Morning everyone.  I was traveling yesterday so I didn't get to attend to the blow-up that occurred after ShawnP‌. It's really unfortunate that things went as sideways as they did. I hoped that after Shawn's apology that maybe cathnolan1‌ would apologize as well and we could get back to what this site is really about. Quitting smoking.

Not everyone will have the same opinion here. That's great. It honestly would be really boring if everyone did agree all the time.  At the end of the day we need to respect each other despite how much we may disagree with others opinions. We must also not put people down for their differing views. People are struggling every day. Add in addiction to nicotine and trying to quit and that can further complicate a person's struggle. At the end of the day we don't really know what's going on in each other's lives. Someone could be at a juncture of staying quit or returning to smoking, we never want to push them towards smoking even it they may seem to be wanting a reason/excuse to return.

A lot went on in the I just don't understand!!!‌ that shouldn't happened. I have gone through the whole discussion and have moderated it impartially. Removing content that is not not permitted on this community.  The posts are otherwise intact. You're welcome to mark something as abuse if you see something I missed. I'll review again.

ShawnP‌ was entitled to have posted the discussion she did and shouldn't have been attacked or put down for having done so. After the attack occurred the abusive posts should have been reported as abuse rather than the situation that occurred. Never fan flames!

Some have reported that reporting abuse is not available. When on your phone in portrait mode the "Actions" buttons and thus "Report abuse" links don't appear but do appear when  you switch the phone into landscape mode.  This is due to limited real estate on the screen.  Reporting abuse is always available and all posts will be reviewed by the EX Team.

There is a lot of love and care and concern on this community. It's hard for a newcomer to realize that immediately when they see posts of tough love especially in cases of serial quitters. I had the fortunate opportunity to meet some of you over the last year and a half at EX Weekend events and know that your in-person personas are often softer than your online personas. It's easier to say things online when that we normally wouldn't say face-to-face. I'm always thinking to myself the following questions.  Would I say this thing to a person's face? If the answer is no, I don't say it. I also ask myself, when helping someone who is struggling, is there things going on that I'm likely not aware of? Do I need to ask more questions before I give advice?  Will my response, observed by a guest considering joining the site, encourage or discourage them from joining?

To be clear. My response was general and directed at elvan  I was responding to the situation that happened in the mentioned post. If i reply to someone's post but don't mention them then I'm usually speaking generally.  If I'm on my phone sometimes I reply by email and there is no way to comment on the original post. 

Feedback time:

For new people on the site they aren't aware of the concept of "Take the best and leave the rest". How do you think we can make that more apparent so situations can be avoided like what has occurred?

Mark
EX Community Manager

EX Community Admin Team
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Giulia
Member

It's hard for a newcomer to realize that immediately when they see posts of tough love especially in cases of serial quitters.... It's easier to say things online when that we normally wouldn't say face-to-face. I'm always thinking to myself the following questions.  Would I say this thing to a person's face? If the answer is no, I don't say it. I also ask myself, when helping someone who is struggling, is there things going on that I'm likely not aware of? Do I need to ask more questions before I give advice?  Will my response, observed by a guest considering joining the site, encourage or discourage them from joining?

Excellent points, Mark.  

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CommunityAdmin
Community Manager
Community Manager

Mark

EX Community Manager 

EX Community Admin Team
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It appears when you moderate someone's response, it changes the date the person wrote it to the date you moderated it. Odd.

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CommunityAdmin
Community Manager
Community Manager

This is probably because there is no separate visible last edited and by who date.  

Mark

EX Community Admin Team
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