Are you ready..... does one have to be Ready ???

Discussion created by bonniebee on Mar 18, 2017
Latest reply on Mar 20, 2017 by freeneasy

Like • Show 1 Like1
Comment • 18

I think of my past failed quits as steppingstones to this final quit ( dare an addict ever say final ?) . Does this mean the first 5 or 6 tries were just practice and I was not "ready " to quit ? I wish I had not waited so long between quitting the first time was in 1989 and then 5-6 tries later led to this quit which has been 769 DOF (Truthfully I lost count but only 2 times amounted to anything significant in the way of numbers ).

Each quit was very different but the last one this one seemed so much easier then all the rest . I never thought i wold be able to quit while living with a smoker but i did it and it did not even seem very difficult was that because I had reached a point in my life and in my addiction that i was really ready to let it go ?

What do you think about readiness and what makes one ready ?

Outcomes

18 Replies

Jennifer-Quit Mar 18, 2017 2:32 PM
For me this quit was different because of this site and the education that I received on nicotine addiction because of this site. In the beginning, I am not sure that I was ready or that I believed that I could quit. The more time that I spent here educating my self and reading other people's success stories, I started to believe that I could be successful. Believing in myself made the difference for me.
2 people found this helpful
Like • Show 1 Like1
Actions
Sootie Mar 18, 2017 2:38 PM
I have never felt sure enough of the"readiness" part to comment to others. I know that this time.......my final quit..... and yes, I can say that with confidence........somehow, I suddenly realized what a stupid, ridiculous act smoking was. I finally realized that I only "needed" it because of addiction---not because it actually did anything for me. On every other quit even my longest one of 13 years, I always "missed" it. I looked at people who still smoked and felt jealous, sad that I could not do that, upset that they seemed to smoke without worry. I acted like not smoking was a sacrifice. And so, of course, I failed-------because I thought smoking was something I wanted to do.
I have none of those feelings now which is why I say with confidence I won't smoke again. I look at smokers, smell smokers, watch smokers and I can no longer understand it because I now find smoking to be so ridiculous. When I see pictures of myself smoking....I feel like that is someone else and I try to look at her and figure out what was I THINKING???!!!
So---is that ready? I'm not sure. I only wish someone could have "taught" it to me long ago and I only wish I could pass it on to every smoker.
Stay Strong.
2 people found this helpful
Like • Show 2 Likes2
Actions
MarilynH Mar 18, 2017 2:46 PM
I had a half dozen or so halfhearted failed attempts over 25 yrs or so before this my Forever quit but up until this time and finding this site and educating myself and realizing that I wasn't invincible and I was putting my health in jeopardy so I knew in advance of my quit date that I was never going to smoke again no matter what, thanks for posting this my bonniebee
1 person found this helpful
Like • Show 2 Likes2
Actions
gregp136 Mar 18, 2017 3:28 PM
Yes, I hear what you are saying. I learned a ton from each of my other quits. And yet, if I am honest, I felt each of those was my final. As I do this one.

I must also agree that this group is what I was seeking for years. I am so happy to have found you all!
1 person found this helpful
Like • Show 1 Like1
Actions
- bonniebee @ gregp136 on Mar 18, 2017 8:54 PM
  I failed to mention how much finding this group did for me too ,I was always missing the support that I have found here Thanks all of you dedicated Elders and the many other ex'ers too ! Friends were supportive to a point but lost interest fast figuring after a few weeks you were on your own and they were sick of hearing about the withdrawal etc especially my friends who were still smoking !
  Like • Show 3 Likes3
  Actions
constanceclum Mar 18, 2017 3:43 PM
I never even tried to quit when I wasn't ready and didn't have health issues. It wasn't until the first time I was put in the hospital with a COPD flare-up that I started taking it seriously. I found this site and tried to quit several times but relapsed every time. I just couldn't picture myself as a nonsmoker and most of the people I knew smoked. I continue'd to feel as if I was missing out and had the jealousy. After moving out here last yr and meeting people (women) that didn't smoke, (my best friend said I couldn't ride in her car as long as I was smoking even though I didn't smoke in her car) and my flare-ups were getting more and more frequent that I'm quitting again and I do believe this is my forever quit.

Connie
Like • Show 0 Likes0
Actions
JACKIE1-25-15 Mar 18, 2017 4:50 PM
I was just tired of being tired of smoking. I vowed if I ever got on a quit again it would be the last time. I made up my mind that I was not going to ever put another one to my mouth. I guess I was ready for a forever quit. With determination I believe this is forever because of the knowledge and support that I now have that I never had before. It is easier to smoke than not to smoke in the beginning but as time passes its a wrap. NOPE Thank God I have arrived. 783 DOF Congrats my quit buddy.
2 people found this helpful
Like • Show 1 Like1
Actions
- prjimm01 @ JACKIE1-25-15 on Mar 19, 2017 9:42 PM
  you are so awesome!
  Like • Show 0 Likes0
  Actions
elvan Mar 18, 2017 7:22 PM
I tried to quit many times in the past and I do not think I failed because of a lack of readiness. I think I failed because my addiction was so strong that as soon as I started to feel better, if I was sick, I told myself that quitting just wasn't that important at that time. I didn't have that feeling better thing after I quit this time. I would say that I actually got worse as time went on. COPD is progressive and quitting smoking SLOWS it but it does not stop or reverse it. My body was ready, probably a long time before my brain was. I like Dale's suggestion that we have to be WILLING, that it is all about that willingness. This is not an easy journey to start and to stay on but I hate to think where I would be if I had not stopped smoking. I don't think it would be on this side of the grass.
1 person found this helpful
Like • Show 2 Likes2
Actions
Daniela2016 Mar 19, 2017 4:24 PM
After my only serious and failed quit of 6 months (about 15 years ago), when I also thought it was my last, this time I know I had been thinking about quitting many years.
And gone through all the phases listed by Thomas at What Type of Quitter are You?, until one day. Fighting a serious bronchitis (probably first serious RTI in my life), I just knew. I had to quit, and it was that same day.
But like all of you, I am not sure if it would have been my last quit, had it not been for the support, knowledge, sharing I got from you all on this site!
Like • Show 1 Like1
Actions
prjimm01 Mar 19, 2017 9:43 PM
lead the way my friend!
Like • Show 0 Likes0
Actions
Giulia Mar 19, 2017 11:42 PM
What a great question: "What do you think about readiness and what makes one ready?"

I think I was "ready" to quit each time I attempted it in the past. Though I had no on-line support group prior to this last current quit, 11 years ago, I spent the time getting my head together for each. But I attribute - TOTALLY - my current long-term success to on-line support. I can't credit EX for the beginning of it, as I quit two years before I came here and was in two other groups prior to EX. But it is through continuing participation in support that I have maintained my quit.

I've never termed any quit my "forever quit" because - well, that's just a little too much bravado that can come back to bite you, in my mind. I've seen too many who have made that statement to eat it later in humble pie. Aside from which the idea of "I'm gonna quit FOREVER" was much too daunting for my fragile quit head to handle.

First quit lasted about a year, next couple lasted about 3 months each. What made this quit different was that I really never wanted to go through that "readiness" period again. I just couldn't. I mean - it's AWFUL - that gearing up to quit. Seriously, we can all talk to newbies and be gung ho and say "attitude is everything" (and it IS!), but the reality is - it ain't a whole lot of fun. Even WITH a gung ho attitude. The attitude just helps you get through it faster with less sturm und drang. But there's still the sturm und the drang. lol

As someone said, it's easier to remain quit then it is to start all over again. And that's the TRUTH for me anyway. So I was ready - in that sense - to have a final quit experience. No more Day One's for me. Just - not gonna go there. 'Cause there's a part of me that knows if I ever give up this quit, I'll smoke for the rest of my life, because I don't have it in me - even with all that I now know - to find the necessary motivation to go through it all again. That's MY reality.

I think each of us will get to that point when we're "ready." Certainly a great part of becoming "ready" is through educating ourselves about the addiction and our particular relationship with it - OUR specific triggers, our specific weakness. But readiness also has to do with accepting the willingness to go through, to DO, whatever it takes to get to our point of no return. I hope I've reached that point.

But because I am still susceptible to the thought of smoking, to the craving that comes out of the blue, to the fact that I still love the smell of a freshly lit cigarette - because I am still vulnerable to it, I can't say "this is my forever quit." And perhaps BECAUSE of that awareness it WILL be my "forever" quit. If that makes any sense.

Readiness to quit does not necessarily mean readiness to quit forever. It just means were ready to take on the journey NOW. It is the on-going readiness to protect one's quit at all costs that ensures the longevity of the smoke-free journey.
1 person found this helpful
Like • Show 0 Likes0
Actions
- Daniela2016 @ Giulia on Mar 20, 2017 12:05 AM
  Interesting perspective Giulia, how different we all are. To me calling it my "last quit" does nothing but reinforce my decision, almost like projecting my decision into future reality, making it happen; I believe it will, I gather all the forces I have to make it happen.
  
  As for the not another "day one" I totally agree with you; it took me 15 years to be ready again. My respect to all those here who broke their quit by one day or 10 days and had the power to get back to it!
  Like • Show 0 Likes0
  Actions
  - Giulia @ Daniela2016 on Mar 20, 2017 12:42 AM
    Daniela2016 Totally understand your perspective that calling it your "last quit" was a reinforcement for you and projected it into a manifestation of a future event. Perhaps it's because I didn't come into this last quit because I wanted to. I came into it because I was doing it for, and because of, someone else. Well, including me intellectually anyway, but had I been left to my own devices, I would probably still be smoking. Because I really had no desire to quit. So my perspective is definitely different.
    Like • Show 0 Likes0
    Actions
Thomas3.20.2010 Mar 20, 2017 5:20 AM

I was no more ready for this quit than I was for others - maybe even less so! But I was willing! I came to the altar of BecomeanEX due to being diagnosed with COPD. I know other folks have been diagnosed and still smoked but for me it was unconscionable. No, I wasn't ready - I just didn't have a choice in my mind! The education and support made all of the difference. Concepts like Quit Tool Box, N.O.P.E., No Man's Land, etc. made all of the difference!
Like • Show 0 Likes0
Actions
c2q Mar 20, 2017 8:22 AM
You know the saying, life is not a destination, it's a journey? That's what I think about quitting.

At 24, I considered myself an avid anti-smoker, not just a non-smoker. I made a conscious decision to smoke in the first place, to achieve a specific goal. Even though cigarettes made me so dizzy I had to sit down, I taught myself to smoke. I thought I was in control. Smoking was about claiming adulthood. I wanted to toughen up. I wanted certain people in my life to back off. I even had an agreement with God, that I would quit in 5 years if he would look the other way while I achieved my goal.

It shattered my self-image when the 5 years were up and I couldn't quit. I made it 3 days. I had no help, I did no research, I thought it would be nothing, like giving up potato chips for Lent. I went on like it didn't matter, but in reality I was too scared to even try again for many years.

My next serious quit attempt, I knew I needed help. I did the research, I adopted quit techniques and did everything right. But my head never switched over to non-smoker mode. I always felt like I was depriving myself. I had an almost constant craving for one week short of a year. Then my world exploded. My husband left me, my mother died, my father died. I reached for that "see what you made me do" cigarette and waved it at everyone but me. I gathered myself up and walked around with absolute certainty that I was powerless against smoking.

When I finally realized I had to try again, I didn't believe I could do it, even though I could barely breathe at times. I did the reading again, I prepared the stage again, with my fingers crossed. I had zero confidence and lots of hope. I looked at every smoking cessation program I could find. When I found EX, I found my quit. Because I learned to be honest with myself and do the work that keeps me quit.

I have come to understand that for me there is only one quit. I have not collected quit attempts along the way to getting where I am. What I thought of as failed attempts were really steps that moved me forward in my process of learning to be quit. In every sense, that overused adage is true for me: there is no try. I am either quit or not quit.
1 person found this helpful
Like • Show 1 Like1
Actions
- Thomas3.20.2010 @ c2q on Mar 20, 2017 7:36 AM
  "like giving up potato chips for Lent." Thanks for the chuckle!
  Like • Show 0 Likes0
  Actions
freeneasy Mar 20, 2017 10:43 AM
I think you're ready when you realize you'll never be ready and it now or never.
Like • Show 0 Likes0
Actions

Are you ready..... does one have to be Ready ???

Outcomes

Related Content

Recommended Content