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Give and get support around quitting

audy
Member

Quitting when spouse smokes

Hello all,

I am planning to quit. I have learned so much by reading the wonderful content in this community.

I am in the preparation stage, and I have a question that may have been answered here.

My husband smokes. He has been smoking for most of his life. He says he wants to quit, but I cannot wait until he is ready. His smoking habit is not mine. Even married, people are responsible for themselves. I am taking responsibility for me, but I do need some guidance.

Any suggestions on how to power my way through? It will be tricky to navigate. Thanks!

18 Replies
JACKIE1-25-15
Member

Welcome to EX and thank you for your question.  We have members who have been successful when their spouse or significant other smokes.  Here is a blog from one of them that may give you some food for thought.  I believe you are on the right track so stay focused. /blogs/Mandolinrain-blog/2018/09/21/dealing-with-mate-friends-that-still-smoke  You can use the search engine to find out anything on just about any topic.  It is the magnifying glass on the top right corner. 

RoseH
Member

I smoked for over 50 years and my husband still smokes audy .  I quit two years ago as of August 12, 2020 and I never looked back!  The freedom I have with not smoking anymore is priceless in more ways than one...  Cravings are a thing of the past...  We all started out that way... it’s the addiction to the drug Nicotine that makes us crave lighting up...  I was a constant clock watcher “when” can I have another...  I am so happy to be free from that not-so-merry-go-round!  N.O.P.E. is for me!

sweetplt
Member

Hi and Welcome to Ex’s...audy 

So happy you are planning your quit...one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Aha, yourself, it is your quit and your priority.  You husband will have to come to his own quit at his own time.  We are addicts and once we realize this, we are able to take the next step.  Keep close to the support site for help and to encourage others on this journey.  

~ Colleen 663 DOF 

YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to the community!

We have had lots of folks be successful when their partner smokes.  You should ask him to support you by smoking out of your sight, and keeping his cigarettes, lighter and ashtray hidden away, too.  Fairly often one spouse can be the spark for the other to quit once they see that it CAN be done.  Hope that will be true for you.  To read others' stories, search with the magnifying glass (top right).

 

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This easy and entertaining read provided a world of good information about nicotine addiction, most of which I was not aware.  I credit it in large part with my success at quitting.   You can search for it online or at your local library.


 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

 

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them..  For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for obvious reasons.

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
 

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...


The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.


Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!


 Nancy

indingrl
Member

https://www.webmd.com/smoking-cessation/understanding-nicotine-withdrawal-symptoms Hello and I HOPE this HELPS - I am so glad for you choosing a NON SMOKER lifestyle for your own lungs  - GOOD JOB  and YOU are so correct -  you can only take care of your nicotine addiction

Welcome! My boyfriend also smokes, but he supports my quitting. We never smoked in our house, so it helps he goes outside where I don't have to be near it. One tip is be prepared a few days into your quit and smell is returning. I found him so stinky and just couldn't handle it until he washed his hands and brushed his teeth. But it might trigger a craving too, really can vary by person. 

Barbscloud
Member

Welcome to the Ex and congrats on your decision to quit.  Educate yourself about nicotine addiction and create your quit plan.  The key word is YOUR.   Remember it's your quit, no one else's.   Other quitters have told you that it can be done.  I would think it would be harder having another smoker in your house, but hopefully he'll be supportive of your journey and smoke outside.

If you need support, just reach out.

If he's never attempted to quit before, you may find this helpful in his outstanding of what you're experiencing.

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/docs/DOC-1674-anacondaheads-letter-to-a-loved-one?sr=search&searc... 

Barb

maryfreecig
Member

Welcome to Ex. You are starting at a great place by separating your smoking from your husband's. Ex is here for you 24/7 so please know that you can always come here to share how your quit is going--highs and lows and in between. We are already rooting for you.  Yes you can, one day at a time.

elvan
Member

We ARE here & we want very much to help you. I am so

impressed that you realize your quit belongs to you & only you!
Welcome to EX.

Ellen