This is sort of a rant, kind of confusing, so i apologize in advance. For me, it's not the withdrawals that get me. I get zero physical symptoms. I'm fine. It's my brain that is the problem. I like smoking. I enjoy my time alone outside. I figured out why it's so hard, the problem is figuring out a way to get out of that mindset. I miss it. I have read stories of people that are happy and dont ever want another, and then I've read stories of people who are years smoke free and still want one daily. What is the difference in these people? It makes me happy. I understand that it's the effect of the dopamine, but how do I avoid it? I dont really have anyone to talk to about it because most people I know who smoke dont really want me to quit because then it would effect them. They do for health reasons of course, but deep down, they dont want to be the only ones left. I understand that, but it just sucks bc they are capable of being only so supportive. I'm not sure they would even admit that because it sounds terrible. I'm not close to anyone that has quit. I guess I do want to but I'm wondering if I do deep deep down. Tonight was a slip. I knew it would be as soon as I got up this morning. But i dont want to give up. But i also dont want to be miserable. I just dont know how to get a handle on it. I know it's better on the other side. I wish I could make smoking a cigarette a miserable experience, but I dont know how! I know all the health facts, i have all the reasons, I've read the book and a million articles and stories. I've done my research and tried all the tricks. I have to find a way to get my brain on board. I need help, but i dont know what kind or where to get it. I dont want to spend my life torturing myself by quitting a million times. I just want to be done. I feel so confused and conflicted and guilty. Its all mental, I know. But I dont how to control it 
Oh no your fine 
. I should say, not correct for me. Whenever you look up quitting smoking. It's always the same stuff. That stuff is helpful, but it's the same everywhere. The nicotine is out of your system in 3 days, quit aids, distraction, mints, gum, stuff like that. I need to understand the mental battle more than the physical. I can distract myself all I want to, but if I am not prepared to fight against myself mentally, it wont work. So understanding that better is what is going to help me the most. All of the comments above are very helpful with that. I need to be ready for when I try to tell myself that I am happier smoking, and prepared to handle all of the emotional stuff that goes with it. I expected withdrawal to be physical, so I wasn't prepared for my brain to try to trip myself up. The junkie thinking. I need to look into that specifically. Most articles dont tell you that you will just want to cry. That you feel so lonely and all of that stuff. They talk about being short tempered and all that, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. I feel like that is more controllable than the other things. It's just a lot more than I was prepared for. Feeling so lost. And honestl . You can only distract yourself so much. You have to prepare for those quiet times when you are left alone with your thoughts, that's when its dangerous, but it's not completely avoidable. So yea, that's pretty much what I meant. Maybe everyone else already knew all of that and I was just really naive going into this, but that has been my experience. I stay at home, my kids are all in school now and we live way out in the country so I can really do much. It's an hour round trip just driving to go anywhere. I clean the house and do all of the typical chores and errands, take long showers, and listen to music and things like that but I cant take walks because people fly down these country roads and there are dogs and stuff so i dont really feel safe, and I dont have the gas or money to really go do things, plus I dont have a ton of time left after doing my daily things before the kids get home. That may be making it harder on myself, I dont know. But there is not much to do to change it. I say all of that not to whine, but just to be realistic. I have to be able to control the mental side of things better, because distraction does not always work. So yea, that's pretty much what I meant lol
Lol thank you. It's a bit of train wreck at this point, and a little redundant, but its getting there 
. I love music so I will definitely be using that. Dancing around is a good idea. I do it when I clean lol, but I will need to do it more often.
