New to the Community but not to wanting to Quit.

[TurboRose]

Hi All,

Early April while getting my blood pressure checked, I broke down crying to the nurse practitioner about my anguish over “wanting” to stop smoking and my “inability” to quit.  She prescribed Bupropion to help but she gave me no other guidance.  In my search for more information, I found the “re-learn life without cigarettes EX” quit guide and subsequently this forum.  I’ve been following it for over a month.  My quit date is midnight June 30^th 2017.

I’ve stopped before; twice for Lent and a couple times because I was trying to quit.  The longest I went was about 3 months.  This forum has helped me better understand why my previous attempts didn’t work.  Besides my ignorance about nicotine addiction, I recognize my mindset has worked against me.

The quit guide asks us to list why we want to quit.  I had a hard time answering the question because deep down I don’t want to quit and if I don’t want to quit, no matter how often I try, I won’t succeed.  I am frightened I won’t quit.  My realization sent me into despair.  Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life loathing myself for smoking and feeling too weak to do anything about it?  .  I changed my approach to the question.  I asked myself, why don’t I want to quit smoking and the answers were interesting: I can’t imagine my life without cigarettes, I feel fear at the thought of never having another cigarette, I don’t know what I’d do if I don’t smoke, how will I fill my time, what would I do when the oral urge hits me and what if I’m too addicted to stop.  These are just a few of the reasons I thought of and then it hit me, if this is truly how I feel and what I think, I mine as well not even try to quit.  I need to believe myself capable of accomplishing this task.  I see a common thread.  All of the reasons are rooted in fear.  It’s a fear of the unknown of my having to learn to live my life differently.  I need to find a way to mentally and emotionally move into a space of “wanting to quit” in spite of my “wanting to continue.”  I asked myself to list reasons why it is in my best interest to quit in spite of not wanting to.  I don’t know if I’m fooling myself but I feel if I can list reasons why it’s in my best interest, I can use them as my tools to fight with.  The biggest reason stopping smoking is in my best interest is because I have used smoking as a means of invalidating myself.  It has given me a reason to think negatively about myself.  I believe stopping smoking is in my best interest because it is a demonstration of self-love and a sign that I believe myself valuable.  I believe stopping smoking is in my best interest because it will allow me to demonstrate that I have the fortitude to face challenges and not give up on my ability to overcome a challenge.

I’ve read and downloaded many articles from negative self-talk to will I miss smoking forever.  I’ve identified many triggers in my daily routine and I have practiced separating the trigger from smoking.  I recognize it might be best to eliminate alcohol and the occasional pot smoking.

I know some of the challenges I will meet.  The 1^st day I’ll wake up scared and as the day progresses I’ll begin experiencing emotionally painful thoughts and cry off and on.  I’ll get on and off the pity pot.  The second day, the oral cravings will kick in.  There is one huge difference; I’ll have this community to turn to for help and encouragement.

[TurboRose]

Sootie, you're on point. Thank you for your insight and reading between my lines. In retrospect, I believe the "not want to quit" is the addiction speaking masquerading as me, LOL. I've come to the conclusion this addiction is like a poltergeist, "it knows what I'm afraid of."  I know the probability of my being successful has risen significantly with the encouragement and support I've already gotten from this community.

[Sootie]

You bet it has! Stick close to this site and you are on your way. I will be cheering for you on June 30th!

[Giulia]

'Tis the very witching time of night.  Midnight.  And you are smoke free!  The challenge is ON!  Chin up, chest out, repeat after me... I CAN, I AM, I WILL!  Mission not impossible.  Today you will not smoke.  Distract, change it up.  What are you afraid of .... a little discomfort?  NAW!   You can do this!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

You don't have to want to quit.

You have to decide to quit. Don't make that some nebulous impossible expectation.

Once you decide, you have to accept your decision. That means not fighting yourself.

"I made the decision, I accept it and am willing to get through the hard parts and allow the time it takes."

/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months 

[freeneasy]

Prior to quitting, I thought I didn't want to quit either (but I wouldn't admit it) I quit because I had a set back in a retina eye surgery and needed to have another one and thought that quitting would give me a better chance for it to work. This is a great blog. You have already done a lot of reading and preparation. Learning about nicotine addiction was a key to my success . It wasn't so much not wanting to quit it was more not wanting to face discomfort of change and the discomfort of nicotine withdrawal. Dale's comment above hits the nail on the head. It's 100% right on as well as the other comments. You can quit and you already know the reasons. The key is deciding on a plan, doing it and believing in yourself.  You won't regret it.   https://www.verywell.com/how-to-quit-smoking-4013683  

[Ready2021]

I feel all you feel I was there at one time keep coming here and you will do fine coming from a smoke free 27 days female

[bonniebee]

    Every quit can be different I learned this because I was a Serial quitter in my past too. I had tried numerous times to quit and after having done it a few times the worst fears I had dissipated because I learned that I was not going to lose my mind from the withdrawal .....yes I really believed I might go insane ! 

Don't anticipate the negative ways you felt the last time You have learned a lot about quitting from your past tries . The first time I quit  I did it cold turkey for me that was very hard I cried myself to sleep almost every night for a few weeks if not longer that was a long time ago in 1989 ! I did make it 3 1/2 months and then I messed up by trying a few puffs and i was right back at it !  I did not cry this time I did a lot more laughing and I could laugh without coughing my head off !!!

   I think I did not want to quit bad enough unfortunately I had to get to a point where my lungs were so affected with wheezing that i had a hard time going to sleep at night I had constant mucous in m throat I already wanted to quit and had tried on and off through the years and failed but now I was so darn uncomfortable that I really really wanted to quit badly ! I hope you do not go to this point I will be very blessed if I don't end up with COPD or worse ! 

My biggest advice for you is to use an NRT I used the patch and it really took the edge off the craves I did it for the recommended time . Come here and blog as you just did and many will respond with advice and support .

   This site , the patch , positive thinking, commitment to NOPE , My faith in God ( really should have been the first listed ! ), exercise and a sense of humor  were my main too;s for quitting and a handy straw to help with the hand to mouth habit !

Think about how it was to be a child and be free from the need of "a fix"  I want you to experience that freedom again and you will if you just make the commitment . The longer the quit the more freedom i have experienced I smoked for 52 years and now I have  870 days of freedom = DOF 

[jamieroden1]

I know this is a little old now, but how are you doing with your quit? When I first started reading this, it sounded exactly like me! I am currently in this same struggle. The mental switch is so so difficult. I hope you were able to get through it.

[Giulia]

Well, it looks like they logged in today, so I hope they respond to you.  This is a GREAT blog with many wonderful responses.  Hope it gets more attention here.

[TurboRose]

jamieroden1‌, I just celebrated 1097 Days of Freedom. How are you doing?

TurboRose