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Give and get support around quitting

Cschae
Member

How can I manage having a partner who smokes?

We often do together and I don’t intend on pushing him to do anything he’s not ready to. But I will need some advice on how to handle the stress of that? 

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8 Replies
annejdav
Member

I'm also interested to see the responses.  My boyfriend still smokes although he's been very good about going outside.  The problem is I can smell the smoke when he comes back in.  This upcoming weekend I'm nervous because we are going out this weekend and I know he'll smoke in front of me.  I don't care if he wants to smoke but I'm only on day 6 of quitting and don't want the temptation.

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virgomama
Member

Perhaps you should postpone going out for awhile?

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sweetplt
Member

HI and Welcome to Ex’s...Cschae 

I was blessed enough that my husband never smoked...however, what I have found since being on this site, this is your quit...and you can ask your partner to smoke outside and hide all smoking paraphernalia...asking them to be supportive of Your quit...perhaps you not smoking with your partner will lead by example, but agreed you cannot push anyone to quit.  There have been many on this site who have quit with partner’s, family members, etc., go the right hand corner, top of this page and click on magnifier and type in words such as “family smokes, partner smokes, etc.,” this should pull up blogs how people coped with the same situation.

While you are researching the blogs, be sure to read at My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX, you will read and become knowledgeable and prepare for your quit journey.  Please keep close to the support site for help...we are in this together...Now get working...and you will get more responses...Colleen 266 DOF 

Welcome to EX. Look, ya can't let this be about anyone but you. This is your quit & your commitment. Yes we want them to quit too but you can't force it on them. All we can do is be that example. Don't worry about someone else cause it's gonna be difficult enough just keepin yourself smoke free. Get some time under your belt & they'll see what's happening. Do this right & they're gonna join you. Don't let someone you have no control over be your excuse to smoke. Choices...not excuses will keep you smoke free.

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YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to our community!

I searched (magnifying glass top right) and found this blog with thoughts you might find helpful:  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/121798-re-has-any-quit-smoking-while-living-with-a-smoker... You should ask your partner to keep his smoking, cigarettes, lighter and ashtrays out of your sight and not smoke in your presence, in the car, inside the house, etc.  Tell him how important this quit is to you and ask for his support.  Lots of others here have been successful in your situation - you can be, too!

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read you can find online or at your local library. If you do nothing else to get ready for your quit, please do give this a read.


 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them..  For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion,  3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire and 4) you can become addicted to that and it has not yet been proven safe .
 

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
 

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!


 Nancy

Put some vicks under your nose

Mandolinrain
Member

Short Answer : You Can't. Your partner is making their own choices of which you have no control. 

So what I recommend is look at what YOU can control. Sit down with pen/paper and list all of the things you CANNOT control regarding their smoking and beside each one, list alternatives you CAN control.

It os so doable and it will be a good challenge for you and you're self worth and well being.