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Give and get support around quitting

Gotdance363
Member

Fear

I'd really love to hear people's insight on how they've overcome fear. I have tried quitting many times and have failed and I know for a fact fear is my worst enemy! I will be excited to quit until the time finally comes and then im struck with panic and fear like no other sometimes I can last a day sometimes 2 days but I always give in because of the anxiety and fear that I feel. Any input would be helpful as I don't want to be trapped by nicotine forever. Thank you!

18 Replies
YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to our community!

Try to figure out what you are REALLY afraid of?  Are you afraid of failing, or that you will not be able to cope with life's everyday stressors without your crutch, or that you are giving up your best "friend," or that you will never again feel relaxed, or....................  The better you understand this addiction, the better prepared and less afraid you should be to quit.  All of those things you fear are myths brought to you by your addicted mind.  I am hear to tell you that you will be less stressed, that you will cope BETTER with your daily stresses, that there is a whole WORLD out there waiting for you to break free. Think how wonderful it will be to be able to go anywhere, anytime, with anyone,  and never once think about needing to get your fix!  Once you are educated on what this addiction entails, the better prepared and the more able you will be to break free from it.  You CAN do this - there are lots of folks volunteering here who did, and I bet MOST of them were as afraid as you!

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library. If you do nothing else to get ready for your quit, please do give this a read.


 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them..  For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time.  I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion,  3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire and 4) you can become addicted to that and it has not yet been proven safe .
 

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
 

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!


 Nancy

Gotdance363
Member

Hi Nancy thank you for all the information! I have read Allen's book and found it extremely informative! Sadly I am trying to quit vaping (I should of specified) I smoke cigs usually if I'm out drinking otherwise I don't smoke. Vaping is very hard because I can vape anywhere all day long. So it's why the fear piece is so big for me, I just don't know how I will function without it.

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AnnetteMM
Member

Vaping is smoking as far as this site is concerned. It's all the same nicotine withdrawal.

Mandolinrain
Member

This is a bog I wrote awhile back. Maybe it will help relate MY fears/tears and help you?

Tears are okay

Blog Post created by Mandolinrain Champion on Jan 22, 2018

Quitting is an emotional thing. Many if us found our way through our quits early on by having the experience of so many emotions we didn't know if we were coming or going.

 

For me....tears were a large part of that. Mixed emotions stored my thoughts. Deep inside I WANTED DESPERATELY to be a non smoker, but I was afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of fear...is there such a thing? Being afraid of fear itself?

 

Tears came unannounced over I would say the first 3 months of my quit. Just look at me wrong and I would cry. I was fragile. I was learning how to cope with life without running to smoke first. This was a key turning point for me once I understood what was happening.

 

Frustration during my early months was induced by anyone who criticized me, looked at me wrong...again...how do you look at someone wrong?... My perception of everything was knocked out of whack.

 

I learned here on this site, that I would go through many stages as I began my quit journey. Some would bring intense anger, fear, hurt, pain, tears...oh yes plenty of tears, and feelings that I would lose this battle.

 

ALL which I was told by the wonderful Elders of mine, were 100%normal.

 

While we all may focused on the same goal...'to become a non smoker and or to remain one'...all of us that began this journey before you understand...

Tears are often a part of it. They're cleansing and remind us of the direction we are in or want to be in. So accept. 

 

Accept that today your working through another day quit. Something may happen to bring on the tears today and if it does, remember this......

 

images-24.jpeg AND

images-25.jpegThis last quote is what I did. I wrote.

 

God Bless you all and I hope this helps at least one person. If it does, it was worth blogging ~Missy

5 of 5 people found this helpful
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Gotdance363
Member

This is very helpful because the last time I tried quitting there was a day I was barely holding it together and trying not to cry at work. I guess it's good to hear it's normal but your post brings me fear too because you stated it can be an emotional rollercoaster for months. I don't know how I'll be able to handle that for months and I also worry about not keeping it together at work when I need to keep it together the most. I don't want to be crabby and emotional all the time. 

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Here's a suggestion. When you give yourself permission to cry and "fall apart" at home, its easier to keep it together at work. Set a timer and give yourself 15 minutes or 30 minutes to explore your deepest fears. Come up with a worst case scenario. When the alarm goes off - time to shelf the emotion  - for now. You'll have another opportunity to get it out some other time. It works. 

My worst case scenario? I didn't quit in time to keep from developing late stage COPD - it's hard to breathe, eat without coughing, deal with weather, the list goes on! 

JACKIE1-25-15
Member

It may not be months, it could be weeks, days, hours or not at all.  Each individual is different.  Do not expect the worst.  It will be better than what you thought. It is all between the ears is what the elders say.  What you put in your head it will be is mostly what it will be.  Think positive. Do not set yourself up for failure but for success. 

Mandolinrain
Member

Focus one the day your in. Dont pressure yourself where you could be in ahead of time. By Emotional rollercoaster I mean our emotions can fluctuate but not always really bad. Emotions fluctuate in those who never have smoked as well.  We are here for you,. Stay near to us and lean on us as needed

Most if not all of us had fear.

False

Evidence 

Appearing

Real

What if I don't succeed? You will if you stick to your commitment.

What if I do succeed? You will have less anxiety, not more - less fear, not more. That's what waits on the other side of fear. 

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2014/09/07/defuse-your-addictive-thoughts?...

/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2016/12/17/what-works-for-me?sr=search&searchId=ae531350-c4ac-4cb8-8754-...

/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2015/10/23/taking-anxiety-down-from-12-to-3-and-heading-for-0?sr=search&...

There is more help in the search window above on the right. Type the word fear and check out what others have to say!