Help

[Js31085]

Hello my fellow ex's.

I have been slipping a lot lately,  I have had 4 cigarettes today and have been for a few days, I am getting very frustrated with myself, I want to quit for my health and the sake of my children, but I have had a lot of stressors lately and cannot seem to break the cycle.

I am in fear of oral/throat cancer as I stopped taking care of my oral health in my late teen years, that's one of the major reasons I want to quit.

Back in 2015 I had 15 teeth removed and have 17 left which are not in the greatest shape, I'm actually going to have the remaining teeth pulled as soon as I can.

My wife is a smoker which makes it a little harder to quit cause I can smell it on her and in our home, I am trying to get her to quit with me as she has had 4 spontaneous pnumo thorax's(partially collapsed lung). I need someone on here to talk to to help me with quitting I am afraid if I dont quit I won't be around for my family.

On top of this I also have anxiety which makes quitting much harder.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Hi JS, you have come to the right place for support.  I can understand your frustration but quitting smoking takes planning and preparation  You will continue to be frustrated as long as you continue to feed the addiction.  I suggest that you review our My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX to decide how you are going to go about quitting such as NRT, cold turkey, medication, lozenges, gum, etc.  Review the videos, start tracking your cigarettes and learn to recognize your triggers.  I believe that Education is the key to successfully quit. It is suggested to read Allen Carr's Easyway to Quit Smoking which can be found on pdf on the web.  Another good site to get info is www.whyquit.com.  There are several articles to read.  Nicotine 101 and Freedom From Nicotine My Journey Home.   Go to EX Plan | BecomeAnEX to decide how you are going to go about quitting. To get help on navigating the site go to. Community Help‌.  Make quitting smoking your number one priority. Start by getting rid of anything associated with smoking such as ashtrays, lighter, etc.  You can do this if you make up your mind that you can.  Relearning your thinking that you do not have to smoke is a good beginning. For a while, you will think about smoking but that does not mean you have to act on it.  You can talk yourself out of smoking.  No matter what never ever take another puff.  NOPE.  Take smoking off the table as an option and do something different. 101 Things to Do Instead of Smoke SINAO smoking is not an option.  That is NOPE concept Not one puff ever. Be willing to do the work.  Quitting is the easy part.  Staying quit is work.  Learning to protect your quit will keep on your journey forever freedom. One day at a time.  Never give up, never give in. Hang tough Stay Close.  It is important to read the suggested material.

  

[Chuck-2-20-2011]

You've certainly figured out some really good reasons to quit! When I was first "toying" with the idea of quitting, I did much the same thing. Relapse three or four times a day and never getting anywhere!   Then I discovered a wonderful tool to quit with. PREPARATION!

 Yep. Like you my wife smoked the entire time that I went through my quit and I just had to make my peace with the fact that just because those around me smoke doesn't mean that I have to! Quitting has to be for yourself, even though it's just as much for others that we want to see grow and still be in relatively good health to enjoy both their futures and our own.

 I'm sure there will be lots of replies soon giving you many resources to use to understand your addiction because if we don't understand that one thing, then we can never win! There's also a very good program on this site to help you design your quit plan.

 Just don't get frustrated before you even try to actually learn your addiction. I spent a good six months preparing and have now been smoke free for well over eight years! Many don't have to prepare for that long but since this is an internal battle, we have to do what works best for us.

 To be honest if you're like me, just getting to the point where you want to quit so badly is a step in the right direction. All I can say is you've taken the first step. We can help you with support but knowledge of addiction and how you interact with that addition is truly the way out of this mess.

 I look forward to reading of your continued success and welcome to the site!!

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck

[MarilynH]

Welcome to the community please read the links suggested above me and keep reading everything you can about quitting smoking and remaining quit because there's a wealth of information right here on this site to strengthen your resolve to kick the nicotine poison to the curb permanently it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination BUT it's absolutely Doable and totally worth it so hang on tight and don't let go of the best gift that you'll ever give yourself which is the gift of LIFE ,I hope your wife will join you in quitting but she'll have to make the choice and I hope you will start fresh with day ONE so you can say YAY for Day WON with many more to come you can do this quit believe it deep breaths and know that we're all here to help you in any way we can .Js31085

[anaussiemom]

I am so sorry.  The situation with your wife and her lung, I have no clue what that is.

I pray for miracles and blessings for you and your family
Amen.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Here are some more resources that may help you.  Homework, Homework Homework.  Then you will be able to pass the test.

Letter to a Loved One and /blogs/Mandolinrain-blog/2018/09/21/dealing-with-mate-friends-that-still-smoke  are just a few blogs to help you get a new mindset. Education is the key to a successful quit. 

[sweetplt]

Hi and Welcome to Ex’s...

First, only you can work on your own quit.  You will lead by example...and then perhaps your wife will make the same choices.  I would ask her to smoke away from you and outside while you are quitting smoking.  Next, I would go to My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX and read and prepare for my quit.  All the things you mentioned ... you are no different from all of us...with stress, anxiety, health scares etc., so you came to the right place.  This takes hard work...but is so doable...We are in this journey together, keep close to the support site.  Gotcha on my mind that you need this quit and are so worth the quit ~ Colleen 157 DOF 

[indingrl]

WELCOME read read read ALL info here and PLEASE know that is what was SUGGESTED to educate YOURSELF on YOUR NICOTINE ADDICTION ONLY- education is the key - also to watch the EARLY DEATH videos at whyquit.com the families want to HELP  SUFFERING NICOTINE ADDICTS NOW to QUIT by showing how they lost their loved ones to CANCER- also FREE book called - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER by Joel who has been HELPING NICOTINE ADDICTS to RECOVERY for over 40 YEARS! Its ALL FREE then it was SUGGESTED I come back here - to blog whatever I needed to just VENT or talk about what I was going through - to blog BEFORE  I take that first puff over ME- just sharing MY experience strength and HOPE with YOU the same thing that was done for ME- please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- thank you. gentle hug.

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community!

We ALL deal with anxiety, smokers in the house - don't let any of those things be excuses not to quit.  You CAN do this - and we can help!  If your wife smokes in the house, I would ask her to support your quit by only smoking outside, and to keep her smokes out of your sight.  She may quit if you provide an example of how it's done - but you can't talk another person into quitting.

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library. If you do nothing else to get ready for your quit, please do give this a read.

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them..  For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time.  I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion,  3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire and 4) you can become addicted to that and it has not yet been proven safe .
 

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
 

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

 Nancy

[hope111]

Used to think just like you ..... was afraid I waited too long and already had throat cancer and was wheezing . Had 3 teeth pulled. So I thought what was the point in quiting since I was already dead?  Then I thought fine you win I lose but I want at least one day free from your nasty nicotine control so I got pissed at the thing and destroyed every cigarette I had in my possession ( nearly a full carton) .  I mean physically and mentally got mad at the very cigarette in my hand! All this was happening while reading Allen Carr's book.  That was just over 100 days ago. Not sure where it ends but know I won't be putting one of those nasty bastards in my mouth today lighting it on fire and sucking in all that hot tar smoke today!