Why are you so hard on the concept of cheating when quitting smoking?

[joyeuxencore]

When I go to Weight Watchers and say I cheated on dessert, they still applaud and cheer me on to keep trying." "Why don't you offer me similar support with cigarettes?" Recently, an angry clinic participant attacked my lack of enthusiasm for her technique after relapsing on her fifth day without smoking.

I explained that trying to change a behavior such as overeating or an addiction such as smoking requires two distinctly different treatments. While it is true that "cheating" in dieting is a common practice under certain conditions such as holidays or parties, cheating with an addiction is synonymous with total relapse. Taking a piece of cake will not make a person 50 pounds heavier the next day. On the other hand, taking a cigarette can and will lead an ex-smoker right back to smoking, usually reaching the old level of consumption within days or weeks.

While many weight control programs may condone the possibility of a slip, dealing with addictions such as heroin, alcohol, or nicotine requires the total commitment of the addict to completely avoid any use of the abused substance. Because of this simple rule of total abstinence to ensure success, I can offer no applause to any individual who allows himself or herself to take a cigarette because of stress, weight, partying or any other reason.

Relapse is relapse, no matter what the reason for its occurrence. The goal of any ex-smoker is to avoid returning to the nicotine addiction. When you encounter situations that seem to warrant having a cigarette, take a minute to reflect back on what it meant to be a drug addict.

Coughing, wheezing, sore throats and shortness of breath. Constant threats by your doctor of "quit smoking or else." Bad breath and smelly clothes and hair. Headaches, exhaustion, and just generally feeling miserable on days when you oversmoked. Always worrying that you may have left a cigarette burning in your home or office. That panicky feeling when you realized you ran out of cigarettes. Being unwelcome in the homes of family and friends while smoking. Spending hundreds or thousands of dollars a year on cigarettes and clothes and furniture which needed to be replaced because of cigarette burns. Nagging from children or parents to quit. Being the only person at a party smoking and feeling like a social misfit. Being totally controlled by cigarettes. Not a pretty picture, is it?

So next time you feel like you need or "deserve" a cigarette, consider the consequences. There is no such thing as cheating, slipping or experimenting. There is no chance of smoking "a cigarette." The only options that exist for you are success or failure. Total freedom or total relapse. Within seconds you will realize that you have no desire to return to such a miserable existence. You can pat yourself on the back for overcoming another obstacle. You realize you like yourself too much to smoke. Continued success depends on one simple technique - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

[Ericnc]

Well I guess I am done quitting and should just go back to smoking. I’m 18 days I have had two cigarettes. If what you say is true, I should be back to a pack a day smoker right now. But I am not. 

Sometimes you screw up. The difference is if you want to quit and want to keep trying, you either toss the $6 pack you just bought (like I did), cuss a little bit, and get back to moving forward. Or you get surprised being around a lot of smokers before you were ready, bum one, and then realize it tasted like crap and put it out. THEN MOVE ON. 

I understand striving for perfection. And that’s where we all want to be. But I also understand in my previous quit attempts I took the attitude if I had one smoke, I might as well give up because i was a smoker again. And I did. This time I am looking at it as one screw up is not undoing the 2 1/2 weeks of good that I have done. 

If you keep telling people that one smoke and they will instantly relapse to a pack a day they will. I’ve been there. I gave up after one. Instead tell them to get back on their feet, keep working at it, and move forward. 

All I know is this is almost as long as I have ever made it. And I feel better mentally than I ever have so far. 

[Giulia]

Love what you have to say. Ericnc  But also agree with the original post here.  Which means I acknowledge and agree with both "takes."   And the point we consistently make here is "take what you like and leave the rest."

This is your journey, Eric.  And it has changed over the years and times you have attempted to quit.  Right?  So have all of ours.  

Screwing up and having a smoke is not going to undo the 2 and 1/2 weeks smoke free you had, nor the good that it has done for your body.  But it has awakened the nicotine receptors in your brain.  So says the scientific community.  Which you can take or leave also.  And that awakening makes it that much harder to get back in the quit stream of things.

But I have a bone to pick with your statement:  

"If you keep telling people that one smoke and they will instantly relapse to a pack a day they will. I’ve been there. I gave up after one. Instead tell them to get back on their feet, keep working at it, and move forward."  

We tell them that one puff is likely to lead them back to years of addiction because we have experienced that ourselves as quitters. FACT just read this:   THE EX ONE PUFF FILES  We also tell them ROBUSTLY to get back on their feet and keep working at it and move forward.  Perhaps you haven't been here long enough to see that kind of response.  I hope you do.  Because it's all over the pages in this community.

Why are we so hard on the concept of cheating when quitting?  Because when you cheat, you allow the everlasting excuse to put that next cigarette in your mouth.  And when you put that next cigarette in your mouth - you haven't quit.  PERIOD. FACT.  If you've quit and you're still smoking you're not doing it right.

"All I know is this is almost as long as I have ever made it. And I feel better mentally than I ever have so far."  GOOD!  Aim for that next milestone - longer than you've ever made it.  And when you pass that milestone I can assure you, you will feel even better mentally than you ever have so far!  

We're all on the same team.  We just have different ways of experiencing it.  But when we quit, our quit date is the last day we put a cigarette in our mouths and inhaled it.  Otherwise - what exactly does our quit date mean?  The day I said I'd quit, but then I cheated a couple of times after and....?  For most of us long-term quitters our quit date is the day we allowed no more excuses.  Serial quitters, on the other hand, allow excuses periodically.  And they never gain a long-term quit but have to re-live another Day One o'er and o'er.  

We're not striving for perfection here.  We're striving to be smoke free.  And those of us with experience are simply trying to pass it on.  Here's to you and your quit journey!

[elvan]

Ericnc  We all want quitters to stay quit, many of us have taken one puff during a quit and expected not to smoke again...many of us had very negative experiences.  I used the mantra NOPE, Not One Puff Ever when I came here.  I had tried so many times to quit but that simple word...nope, spoke to me.  I said it over and over and over again when I was craving or when I was even THINKING about smoking. I got very sick from smoking and I live every day with those consequences...I have been quit for over five years now, the longest I have ever gone without smoking since I first started.  I have not taken one puff...I can't AFFORD to tempt my addiction to take over again as it has so many times in the past.  I came to this site every morning and every evening when I first quit, I read everything I could find, when I was offered advice, I took it.  I knew that the people here who were quit were trying to help me, not criticize me, certainly not make it harder.  I believe that you are in charge of your own quit and you are responsible to no one but yourself when it comes to counting the days...I know that it is not an easy thing to do and I know that it is one day at a time, I also know that it is doable.

Ellen.