Hi - Like everyone has already said, find some new coping skills. If you use another definition of DOF as depth of field, you are seeing into you mind, emotions and personality. Obviously, you are going through a lot and that is to be expected and acknowledged. It's not easy. And sometimes life is hard and challenging. Now, cigs are no longer part of the plan, so new ways of holding experience need to be learned. So, here's some tough love advice: there are two paths to take: 1) really, sincerely look for and try something new - meditation, exercise, therapy, basket weaving, cleaning your garage, reading that book, whatever... and get through the hard days, because they won't all be that hard, or 2) keep building anxiety and story around the stress and how cigarettes used to be and may still be the only thing that helped... until you smoke again.
There's no shortcut - it's straight ahead into no man's land and then you're in your own solo version of Mad Max for a while (I know, I am in it right now!), or a U-turn back to the starting line. I am sorry to say. So, hang in there. Struggle. It's okay to struggle, that's to be expected. Be kind to yourself in that struggle - try to find a way to tend to yourself in that struggle like you would help a friend. Get through another day (or minute or hour). And when the minutes and hours come that aren't so hard be grateful; don't take them for granted. They are adding up, I hope, and if we keep going hopefully we will get to where these old-timers here are telling us about: freedom.
You got this! And the next one, too!
