Frustrated

[Ekaterina1]

I quit on 01/24/19.  Today is day #62 not smoking. I honestly felt a lot better when I was a smoker, and wonder when I’m supposed to start feeling better now that I don’t smoke.  I used to be a happy, fun type of person.  That’s changed since I quit. I feel depressed and angry, (so out of character for me).  I’ve also gained 11 Lbs !  I feel I’m often close to that breaking point.  

Mid there anyone here going thru these issues?

[Giulia]

When you're supposed to start feeling better is really all about an attitude adjustment.  To my mind anyway.  For me, until I was willing to go through whatever it took for however long it took, I suffered.  Until I closed that door on the possibility of smoking, I left the choice open.  And it's allowing the choice that makes the journey all that more difficult.  I can't really explain that attitude adjustment, but for those who have made it, they have achieved the long-term freedom they so desired.  

You're clinging to your old smoking self.  We all did.  As long as you cling to it, you won't experience the benefits of the changes that have taken place.  I didn't notice many  myself. (And I did gain weight too, that's normal.)   But one I DID notice was that I could smell things I hadn't smelled in years.  Rather than dwelling on the lack of improvement, spend time dwelling on the opposite.  Whatever little bit it may be.

"I used to be a happy, fun type of person."  What you're saying is in essence because you've stopped smoking you are not longer that person.  Which means the only reason you WERE that happy fun person is because you had a cigarette with you all the time.  Think about that.  Did puffing on a chemically addictive cigarette make you a happy, fun person?  No.  You're just passing those attributes onto a cigarette.  You can be a happy, fun person without a stupid cigarette.  You've simply made a false connection in your brain.  That's what we addicts do.  

How do you solve the problem?  Focus on something other than the negative aspects your going through.  Dig for the positives if need be.  Discover what you're supposed to learn from this experience.  Take it as a growth experiment.  And really examine why you chose to stop smoking in the first place.  We can forget that along the way.   Revisit it.  And if the impetus has lost some of it's excitement, find a way to revive it.  That's part of our on-going homework.  I've always found that supporting others is a great incentive.  When we offer advice to others, it echoes back in our own brains and reinforces our own commitment.  /blogs/Giulia-blog/2015/02/23/expectations-timelines-and-the-reality-you-create?sr=search&searchId=9...‌

[lqsi12]

Wish I had never started smoking as a teen.  Now I'm positive the addiction has changed my life in many ways, but, I will now remain confident as a old man that it is not going to control me ever again.   

[indingrl]

Welcome and CONGRATS on 63rd day of your OWN  non smoker life style - you are NOT alone -  I went through all those withdrawl symptoms too! Everthing seems upside and backwards - the constant craving and obession and NEED to use comes and goes and the weight gain seems to top  it ALL off and I JUST WANT IT ALL TO BE OK- this NEW life mixed up with old using NICOTINE days takes TIME to let go of the old familiar using days to separate to the NEW non smoker life style days - it will as the days PASS- and in this TIME of waiting for it too PASS - YOU. - EKaterina1 -  are doing GOOD- it was SUGGESTED to ME in MY EARLY recovery to watch tge videos on withdrawl at whyquit.com  and the videos on early deaths videos from NICOTINE addiction and to read a FREE book at whyquit.com by Joel who HELPS NICOTINE addicts for over 40 years for FREE - and here at EX Dr Hays has good blogs about NICOTINE addiction and ALL the elderson this recovery site have blogs to read on the different NON SMOKER living as a non smoker with different life on life's terms with REAL life issues that happen to ALL of us in different area yet WE NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER and YOU can choose NEW ways of coping - that work for YOU dealing with every day living and learning to  enjoy YOUR NEW DAY- hang on YOUR about to experience a happy joyous FREE life style as YOUR days become more and more adventurous- gentle hug and PLEASE know this too shall pass. Thanks for letting ME share. 

[Barbscloud]

The emotional withdrawal can be much more difficult for some than others.   Mood changes are common and real, so it's important to acknowledge them.  Smoking has suppressed these feeling for many and now they are coming to the surface.  

American Cancer Society:

Nicotine is the drug in tobacco that causes pleasant feelings and distracts the user from unpleasant feelings. Over time, a person becomes physically dependent on and emotionally addicted to nicotine. This physical dependence causes unpleasant withdrawal symptoms when you try to quit smoking or other forms of tobacco. There are mental and emotional effects, too. Nicotine actually actually affects brain chemistry and emotions.

What you might feel when you quit tobacco

• Depression
• Sadness or grief
• A sense of loss
• Frustration
• Impatience
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Irritability
• Trouble concentrating
• Restlessness or bored

[TW517]

First, congrats on 62 days!  I went through the same things (depression, anger, weight gain) and remember quite well my frustration around the 60 day mark.  I kept waiting for everything to be normal again and it wasn't.  It was finally Giulia (see her remarks above) and others who made me realize I couldn't wait for things to change, I had to take charge and make them change.  I should have known.  I had so many quits that had failed before because in my mind, every method I used didn't work (chantix, nicotine patch, nicotine lozenge, Welbutrin, etc).  I finally realized that it was me that had to do the work, not some pill.  So, instead of "trying to quit" I "decided to quit".  That mind-frame change made all the difference in the world for me in my quit.  And after some prodding by the elders here, it turned my life around again 3 months into my quit.  Just as I did whatever it took to not smoke in those early days, I started doing whatever it took to get me out of the "blahs" I was feeling (meditation, counseling, dieting, exercise, etc.). 

Glad you are here and reached out!  Being in community was a huge help to me.  Welcome to EX!  

[YoungAtHeart]

Some of us self-medicated for depression with nicotine.  If you are one of those, the cause of your unhappiness might not be the quitting, but an underlying issue.

Can you exercise?  While I know we have all heard that drum beaten almost to death, I personally found that a brisk walk out in the sunshine (and even the rain) raises my mood a great deal.  If you can't fit that in, maybe find an exercise video on YouTube, or even yoga or chair yoga there.  Hitting a few sets of stairs, marching in place or a set of jumping jacks works, too.  Brisk exercise actually releases dopamine, the same feel good chemical you got from the hit of nicotine.

Find what makes you happy and DO it!  You are learning your life as an ex-smoker.   If you continue to be sad, a talk with your doctor might be in order.

Hope you feel better.  Whatever you do - don't go back to smoking.  It isn't the answer to ANY question!

Nancy

[sweetplt]

Hi and Welcome to Ex's...You have gotten some excellent advice above me...I do find that this journey was more then just quitting...it is "letting go" of many things we smoked through...when you "let go of past hurts, angers, emotions, etc.,"...one can find that happiness.  It is time to look inside and if you still have all these feelings, perhaps go to a Doctor and see if they can help you out...or a therapist...really smoking didn't make your happiness, you just were an addict and believed the lies...have you taken up new hobbies? Gym, walking, dancing, etc., to get that dopamine going...keep here and know you are not alone...Gotcha in my Thoughts ~ Colleen 115 DOF 

[elvan]

 Ekaterina1    You are in a place called No Man's Land https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-days-30-to130-appr...  that blog was written by JonesCarpeDiem‌ some time ago but it is always going to be relevant.  Congratulations on 62 days, that is really awesome and you should congratulate yourself for that.  I do not know what you have been doing for those 62 days but I can tell you that what helped me to move forward was coming to this site every morning and every evening and reading blogs, paying attention to what was working for others.  I know that exercise made a HUGE difference in how I felt, it released dopamine and made me feel energized.  I use a stationary bike, I would love to walk outside but I smoked for too long and did too much damage to my lungs to be able to do that.  When we smoked, we stuffed our feelings down, we smoked when we were sad, when we were stressed, when we were celebrating, when we were SUPPOSED to be FEELING.  People who were never addicts learned to deal with their feelings as they were growing up.  We did not learn how to feel things and to resolve any issues that caused the feelings.  Quitting is a journey and it is one day at a time.  When you feel a strong crave, have a plan for what you will do INSTEAD of smoking.  Seriously, it DOES get better, it takes time and we all had good days and bad days when we smoked too.  I can remember feeling the way you are describing when I had quits in the past.  This quit was different because I read everything I could find about nicotine addiction, I went to more than one website and read stories from other quitters.  You are growing and there is no reason that you cannot be that person you described, the happy and fun one.  This journey is one day at a time and sometimes, it is one FEELING at a time.  If you are depressed, try to do some things for yourself, exercise is huge.  Reward yourself for the time you have been smoke free, you have saved money that you can use on yourself.  The biggest thing for me was to accept that smoking never did anything FOR me, it never made anger go away, it never took away my stress, it never made me feel happy when I was sad.  I would smoke but the feelings would still be there.  You are feeling things that you used to stuff and you THINK that has changed your personality, what it has done it to raise the curtain on the things you were hiding with a smokescreen.  You are doing this and you should be really proud of yourself.  PLEASE stay close to the site and read how others have done this, go to whyquit.com, start a journal expressing what you are feeling...let those feelings out, you will feel better and you will be growing in all the right ways.

Welcome to EX,

Ellen

[IrishRose]

They are called EXCUSES.  The addiction is trying to talk you into smoking cancer sticks again.  Stick with your quit ! ! !  Smoking does NOT make you feel better, and will probably give you COPD or some other type of lung disease if you continue to pollute your lungs.

Gentle ((((hug))))) for you !   I promise you will feel better and see the addiction for what it really is as you protect your quit and days turn into months, and months turn into seasons, and seasons turn into a year; and so, the cycle will repeat itself, and you will get stronger, and stronger and stronger.

Irish Rose  

[shashort]

HI Ekaterina1  glad you found us welcome to EX! You got lots of good advices above. Boy do I remember all those feelings your experiencing right now.  You are mourning the loss of what you think was your best friend nicotine. It is quite normal to feel this as we stuffed all of our emotions in to smoking.   Think of it this way when you smoked probably for many years?  probably every hour? everyday? we were very repetitive and went to nicotine when we were happy, sad, mad, glad, depressed, when something good happened, when something bad happened.  Don't buy in to that nicotine brain telling you were happier and fun person when you smoked.  It really is all a lie, smoking does nothing for us except to kill us slowly.  We didn't just jump from 1- 20, 30 or 40 cigarettes a day overnight, so we are not going to get over our smoking self overnight either as this is a journey an not an event.  You have to relearn life without a cigarette in hand andd that takes time.  Each time you get over a rough patch it makes you stronger to get through the next.  YOu know for me in the beginning of my quit I to was miserable because of the same greiving over the loss of my cigarettes, it took me quite a while to figure out I needed to change my attitude to be more positive and as Giulia Giulia  spoke and preached to me "you have to close the smoking door" and it takes that option off your plate.  So I started thinking more positive (no not easy in the beginning) but positive self talk such as I don't do that anymore, I am an ex smoker, even if you don't believe it say it then you will start to believe.  I would go to a mirror everyday tell myself that I am a not smoker, I don't do that anymore and that I am so much better off than nicotine, I am so worth taking care of myself.  Anything positive helps.   Then find things to do to make you happy.  What hobbies do you like to do.  I started exercising regular which helped me feel better with my mood.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!! DON'T LET NICO DUDE CONVINCE YOU SMOKING IS BETTER BECAUSE REALITY IT IS NOT!  Come here and blog  for help if you need it, but do it before you smoke let us help!  The beauty of this support group is you don't have to do it by yourself.  Oh by the way congratulations on 62 days, be proud of yourself.  My motto is NOPE (not one puff ever) NO MATTER WHAT! Will keep me free!