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Give and get support around quitting

Ralph1955
Member

IS THIS A TEST OF STRENGTH?

  I was hoping to come here with good news, positive news but sadly I come here feeling defeated and lost.  While my mom recovered from the blood clots in her lungs and is doing well, my dad is now in the hospital.  Dad suffers from dementia and because of this stopped taking his heart, diabetes and blood pressure meds and the meds we thought he was taking he hid in the couch cushions.  Last Friday afternoon he laid down and he never left the bed all day and on Saturday afternoon fell when he tried to get up and hit his forehead on the floor.  We called 911 and he was rushed to emergency.

  Tests showed that he has a major UTI and failing kidneys.  He could not talk and became highly aggressive and incoherent when he did speak.  His weight dropped to below 130 pounds where normally he weighed in the 140's.  To calm him they sedated him and he slept from Saturday to this morning.  Friday morning he was alert and did laundry and within hours was out of it.

  I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in all directions and he stress and sadness is overwhelming.  Still, I did not give in and ignored that huge urge to smoke.  How I didn't cave I don't know but I'm drawing from all the positive feedback from all of my friends here who have been on this journey with me. God bless you all.

  This afternoon dad is going to a nursing home because mom can't take care of him and the aide isn't there at night.  Moms fear is dad will die at home and none of us want that.  We don't know how much time is left for him and his constant  wish to die isn't helping his recovery

 Again, thank you for allowing me to vent my heart.

54 Replies
TW517
Member

So sorry you have to deal with this.  It's great that we can vent here.  Please come and vent as much as needed, and know we are all with you in spirit.

RachelMB
Member

Thinking of you Ralph!  I will add you and your family to my prayer list.  xoxoxo

Rachel

Barbscloud
Member

Ralph, taking care of elderly parents (I also had 2 aunts) is so difficult.  We're trying to take care of ourselves at the same time.  I was working full-time when I was doing all that, so I know how draining it can be.  Often, as in might case, other family members did little or nothing to help.  I have developed a belief over the years that it is something we choose to do .  I know many people will say, I had to do it.  No one else is helping (siblings - ugh)  I used to feel that way.  I finally realized, that I could have made excuses not to do it either.  Now, when I look back it gives me comfort knowing that I made the right "choice".   When I was in the midst of it, it's was one of the most stressful times in my life.  But looking back at it now, I know it was an honor to have given back to those who gave me so much.  In fact, I believe I  became closer to my mother in those five years, than I ever was.  I value that time I got to spend with her.  I know you'e not going to smoke. You've come to far to go back.  

Sending comforting thoughts,

Barb

Ralph1955
Member

Thankfully, I have my sister who is retired and does the most.  Since I'm still working it's harder for me to be there but, luckily I own my business so can come and go as needed.

  My dad and I have had a strained relationship for many years and with the thought of losing him I am now able to put our past behind us and be there for him.  I don't want to be a person who, after he passes, hoped I said and did all I can with no regrets.

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Barbscloud
Member

I so glad you're not doing this are your own. It's time when we learn a lot about ourselves and who we really are.

anaussiemom
Member

So deeply sorry.   Sending lots of prayers and blessings your way.

AnnetteMM
Member

Hi Ralph! I'm happy to see you, despite the unhappiness you came to share. Sending virtual hugs your way.

Giulia
Member

Oh Ralph.  Yes, test of strength.  We are tested all the time in so many different ways.  I'm so sorry about your dad.  But glad that your mom is doing better.   You're four months away from your one-year quit anniversary.  You've worked so hard for this quit.  You don't want to be it's slave again.  That's why you haven't caved.  That "best of you" is stronger than that least of you.  You're romancing it.  You know in your heart of hearts a cigarette will really give you nothing but an awaking of the nicotine receptors.  And there you'll be all over again, desperately waiting for you next fix and so wishing you hadn't put that cigarette in your mouth.  Stay close here until you're over the romancing.  And I'd suggest you read through the material in the Relapse Prevention‌ group.  It'll help reinforce your quit.  

You will get through this.  Believe it!

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/30698-replay-the-relapse 

DID YOU PLAN YOUR RELAPSE? 

Ralph1955
Member

Amen to that. Thanks my friend.

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