Help

[Freedomcat]

I've been panicking the past few days. Almost constant in the past 48 hours. Feeling completely overwhelmed. Terrified, a sense of impending doom, clenching burning in my belly, mind racing, overwhelming grief. Dont feel safe anywhere. 

I havent felt this way I about 2.5 years when i had a breakdown and went on stress leave for a year. Its come back with my quit and the only thing I can think of doing that feels safe right now mlm is to smoke. It's my safe place. Its what I turned to whenever I was overwhelmed and consumed with panic in the past. It's what I turned to when my mom on died suddenly 19 years ago. Now I dont know where to turn and the grief and fear feel absolutely overwhelming. 

The idea of smoking seems better than this. I dont feel I can cope with life like this. 

And I dont know if any of you can really help me. But thought I'd try.  

[elvan]

I think what you need most are people who have quit smoking and have stayed that way.  People who are just starting may very well seem more relatable, but if one falls, others tend to fall as well.  Quitting is a journey, it is not an event, it is one day at a time.  Sometimes, it is one feeling or one experience at a time.  I understand that you only smoke four cigarettes a day and that "no one knows"... I would be willing to bet that there ARE people who know.  The smell of cigarettes smoke is unmistakable, particularly to an ex smoker.  You need education about this addiction (yes it is an addiction). you need the support of people who have been where you are, and perhaps most of all, you need to make a commitment.  Make a plan for your quit  My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX , decide what you will do instead of smoking those four cigarettes, read everything you can find on nicotine addiction.  Stay close to this site, read blogs, see what has been working for others.  Please read this blog by JonesCarpeDiem‌, https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/thread/6040-my-welcome-to-new-members-12-years-of-watching   We are here to HELP you, we want you to succeed and we will offer you the best advice we have.

Welcome to EX,

Ellen

[JonesCarpeDiem]

start saying "I'm going to wait a little longer" every time you think of smoking. no denial, no counting. just say that every time and it will wake you from smoking.

[Freedomcat]

Thanks iluvekl1‌, you dont have to do it alone. Support, support, support has been my motto. I'm replacing smoking with support. So new or old timers, just reach out just as you did. Tell a few friends so that you're not isolated and can call people when needed. PM me if you want to chat more. 

[jconfusion]

what I did was get 3 months worth of Nicorette gum the 3rd month to ween myself off of the gum.   the first thing you needed to was decide you are quitting and stick to it.   throw out everything you have to use to smoke with ashrays lighters cigs.  I even got my apartment  repainted to get rid of the smell of smoke.  I quit smoking for my cat chaos.  I read how it was my fault his already damaged eyes weren't getting better.  I have  been smoke free for 7 years. this does get easier  as time goes by.  you can do this.  im not saying this is going to be easy but its so worth it youre worth it!  you don't know how strong you are until you've tried.  hugs.  you got this.  we are all here rooting for you!

[Freedomcat]

Thanks Everyone for all your support. I took the week off work to focus on self care. I'm getting better with each day. And I dont have much of a desire to smoke at all. Today I might have had one thought....but no cravings, just thoughts and memories. Pretty amazing. 

I realized today that I let go of a big part of my life...and I'm in the stuck place between what was and what will be...no longer doing what I used to, but not quite sure how to live without it. I'm realizing how much I used cigarettes when I actually needed support. So now reaching out to people all the time, flexing my asking for support muscles. And learning to let it in. 

Today I felt excited about life...which is new since I quit smoking. New for me in awhile actually. For no reason, just excitement and interest and curiosity. The joys of being a non smoker. 

[Giulia]

"excitement and interest and curiosity."  Did you happen to read the latest NDC blog?  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/community/expert-advice/blog/2019/01/30/mindfulness-and-craving  "Mindfulness is the process of directing your awareness to the present moment with an attitude of curiosity, openness, and acceptance."

I'm sitting reading your blog from two weeks ago "Feeling completely overwhelmed. Terrified, a sense of impending doom"  And reading now of excitement and interest and curiosity.  Do you recognize the change, the growth, the transformation that has occurred in the past two weeks?  Even if it's only a momentary thing.  Even if it's only tonight, NOW.   'Cause sometimes we suddenly feel all this WONDERFUL MAGICAL SCHTUFF!  And then the next day the balloon has popped and we're back to misery mode.  

But look at the difference in what you've written and what you're feeling now as opposed to then.  It's magnificent - that difference.  

Yes, at this stage of your quit it's normal to be stuck between two worlds.  The smoking us and new non-smoking us. "Between that place that was and what will be."  You put that brilliantly.  That's part of our morphing process, our transformation.  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/positive-affirmations-and-support/blog/2017/10/24/its-gonn... 

Keep that attitude of curiosity.  Curiosity keeps our quits alive because we want to learn more and more and more about ourselves and thus about our relationship with this addiction.   

Just a word of warning - today's experience may not be tomorrows.  They don't call this a roller coaster ride for nothin'.  Watch your back.

[Freedomcat]

Thanks Giulia for pointing out the change for me  and thank you for your care and encouragement 

[elvan]

Be prepared whatever comes your way...just KNOW that smoking helps NOTHING, EVER!

Ellen

[virgomama]

;I'm so glad for you. freedomcat.  Keep going.  It is a roller coaster.  But it does get easier and better the more time passes.  Keep it going.

Cindy

[sweetplt]

I think you need to address the panic attacks.  They are “cause and effect”.  Smoking really isn’t addressing the  underlying problem.  I dealt with such bad panic attacks some years back I couldn’t drive a car, finally I am driving the past four years.  I had to find out the true cause of attack, has taken years to work on, and if I ever thought that smoking would help I was fooling myself.  I now offer everything up to God every morning, it really helps.  I do meditation daily along with breathing exercises.    I wish you the best and that you can find the help. I know how debilitating panic attacks can be...gotcha in my heart ~ Colleen