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Give and get support around quitting

Freedomcat
Member

Help

I've been panicking the past few days. Almost constant in the past 48 hours. Feeling completely overwhelmed. Terrified, a sense of impending doom, clenching burning in my belly, mind racing, overwhelming grief. Dont feel safe anywhere. 

I havent felt this way I about 2.5 years when i had a breakdown and went on stress leave for a year. Its come back with my quit and the only thing I can think of doing that feels safe right now mlm is to smoke. It's my safe place. Its what I turned to whenever I was overwhelmed and consumed with panic in the past. It's what I turned to when my mom on died suddenly 19 years ago. Now I dont know where to turn and the grief and fear feel absolutely overwhelming. 

The idea of smoking seems better than this. I dont feel I can cope with life like this. 

And I dont know if any of you can really help me. But thought I'd try.  

Tags (2)
80 Replies
sweetplt
Member

You need to get help for panic disorder.  I have it and there was a time I thought smoking helped, but often made it worse.  Smoking is only a bandaid, not a solution.  I found meditation works for me.  I do it once a week with a group and everyday myself,  You May need to start with therapy, medication, etc., but honestly panic disorder will come back whether you smoke or not.  Think this, how does a non smoker deal with a panic attack.  Just my two cents. Gotcha in my heart Colleen 

Freedomcat
Member

Thank you all, your words have really helped me. 

I have been on the phone with a good friend and then my partner, who really get me. 

I am in therapy once a week and am on meds. My journey with panic, anxiety, depression and OCD is not new, it's just so much harder without smoking. 

But yes, as you've said, smoking wont make it better. I will have to feel and process these feelings at some point unless I want to smoke the rest of my life. 

Also yes, I keep reminding myself that when I had my breakdown before, i smoked my way through it, and it didn't help. There is a new possibility this time. 

My partner is going to come to stay with me tonight for the next few days. Ww currently live in different cities. And I've committed to not smoking between now and when he comes. Which is 5 hours. 

I'm starting to feel more connected to this reality. I was lost there all morning. 

I'm going to go to a cafe and drink something warm on this cold snowy day, be around people and watch some videos on why quit and maybe read a book I have about trauma in the body (the body keeps the score). Oh, and eat, I'm starving. 

Thank you all so much for sharing your strength and courage with me and believing in me. 

maryfreecig
Member

      Perfectly understandable that you would see smoking as safer than feeling totally out of control. I've never ever liked feeling lost and out of sorts for whatever reason. But it always comes back to--what's the end game by going back to smoking?  Talk to your doctor about the anxiety--wait it out until you can. Thanks for blogging. I hope you are feeling better.

Legend
Member

I have panic attacks sometimes and I don’t like them. We all deal with our panic attacks in our own way so do what helps you but I hope without the smoking. The others here have some great suggestions for panic attacks.

Do you have a reality object to take anywhere with you?  If you don’t and don’t know what that is please read this blog and maybe it will help you some. 

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Giulia-blog/2013/09/10/how-precious-is-your-quit

Giulia
Member

Some would not advise this, but what helped me during the initial stage of my quit was to pretend smoke.  I had straws, cut them down to cigarette length, stuffed a little wad of paper in it to give it a "draw," and just pretend smoked.  It really helped me.  You might give that a try.  It mimics the hand to mouth, but there's nothing you're inhaling - except air.  And you're also breathing more deeply, which tends to help calm us down.  

The most important thing is not to sit there dwelling in panic thoughts.  Distract by all means necessary.  A beautiful thing I discovered after a while with my quit, is that instead of it being an unsafe place, it has become the complete opposite.  It's something that is all mine that I can cling to.  It is my rock.  I think because I know it so well now.  I know what to expect and how to deal with it.  You'll find that true too if you hang in long enough.  

Breathing Destressify Star.gif

Gwenivere
Member

I have panic disorder so I truly empathize.  Never factored that in and have been having days of non stop low level anxiety to full blown attacks.  Are you in medication for this?  My doc upped mine and it kinda helps.  I had no idea the quit would affect the disorder to this extent.  

Thinking calming things, deep breathes are good ideas.  They don’t work for me so I don’t know what I can advise.  I mostly have tantrums to diffuse the adrenaline faster.  Scream, cry, get furious , etc.  i can’t focus outside the fear.  it’s bad enough having to deal with regular withdrawal and this too.

i hope we both find some way to coexist with both of these.  I will say if you aren’t taking meds to help the anxiety it might be something to talk to your doc about.  They are tools to help at least get thru this stage.  To all of you who replied here and know what they feel like, it’s hell on earth.  I’m glad they were situational for you.  I’d never invalidate anyone who has experienced one.  

Freedomcat
Member

They are the worst!!!!!! Omg.

I am on meds but I imagine going off nicotine has impacted the absorption in some way. 

I don't want to up them now because I've been trying to get off of them slowly so I can have a baby. 

Ya, today I cried and yelled and moved the energy. And that was the most helpful. Then I could rest. I was in another world during the panic. Right back into my childhood. But now I'm back. 

Having someone I trust be with me on the phone, to stay with me, help me get into my body, helped. 

It's nice to  it feel alone in them, and I'm sorry you also deal with them. 

And....we can make it through!

I had some soon after I quit. Real doozies.

I've had two since and the last one I was able to stop before the adrenalin kicked in. You have to focus on something else for a moment. Get off that bad thought. Put on your dark glasses. Run water over your arms. The adrenalin is what causes them to take a day to get over. I believe you can defocus from the darkness with a distraction. 

Gwenivere
Member

I think the quitting has affected my anxiety medications too.  They aren’t as effective so I get more stressed and it creates a viscous cycle.  I don’t know if you have a disorder, but it would be a good idea to talk to your doc as they can have withdrawals too depending on what and how much you take.  If you’re on benzodiazepines like Xanax or Valium, you have to do a tapered quit.  Stopping suddenly is dangerous.  Same with antidepressants.  

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Barb102
Member

No please please don’t give in to the Nico Demon. What your feeling we have all felt. I wanted to give in so many time in the first few months. It won’t be as bad as it is now. I promise you. Hang tuff follow everything the Elders and this site offers you. You are not alone. Cigs did this to you. They won’t and can’t help you. They can make you as sick as a lot of us, myself included. Please I will stay on here with you day and night. It passes sometimes just answering these messes was enough for me. Stay with us. We will help you!