Wandering eyes

[alysonoholic]

Whoa. I just caught myself looking around for the familiar silver and red pack of cigarettes I used to smoke. I had just finished eating and without an actual thought about it, I found my eyes scanning the surrounding area where they would normally be found. Of course, as soon as my addiction remembered that there are none my chest tightened with anxiety. Man, what a crazy, stupid habit I'm learning my way out of. It's so disgusting how deeply ingrained it is in my life.

Today I decided that I am going to equate cigarettes with heroin. I would NEVER NOT EVEN ONCE think about putting that drug in my body and as far as i'm concerned I have to put smokes on that same level. I will not be a junkie.

[YoungAtHeart]

Nicotine addiction has been likened to heroin by some, and gaining freedom from it no less difficult. 

Equate it if it helps....it IS a terrible addiction and difficult from which to be free.

Glad you understand that!

Nancy

[MarilynH]

You've got this quit firmly in your grasp believe it and keep moving forward and stacking up your precious Days of Freedom, YAY and YAY again for Smokefree living and yay for each and every Day WON ......

[SaraCorinne]

I catch myself doing that too. 

My husband asked what I was looking for? 

Ohhhh nothing, I said.....inwardly chanting, I don't do that anymore.

[Mandolinrain]

I walked by a store yesterday where someone had discarded  a cigarette not even barley smoked, and for a instant...only an instant...I though to myself...'WOW, I could smoke that, its nearly an entire cigarette". It caught me totally off guard. Then a second later I am thinking, 'whoa....that was weird,"....anyway I finished my shopping and it was still there as I walked by it again. No desire hot me at all. It occurred to me how cunning the addiction truly is. 

I have a bit over 4 years quit going and to STILL stirred an emotion We have to ALWAYS be vigilant.

[YoungAtHeart]

We are lifelong addicts.  Sad,but true.  It's why we must remain forever vigilant.  A bad patch in the road can be all it takes (or one too many drinks!).

We need to be ever mindful that there is no such thing as "just on" and that a thought is not a call to action.

Nancy

[elvan]

I waited on a customer today who paid for his lunch with a token because he did not have any money.  We have a program called, "Everyone eats" and people who cannot afford a meal can pick a token from a large fish bowl we have on he counter.  The tokens are paid for through donations...the meals are generous and very good food and we have regulars, some older people and some people with kids.  It's a great program...my POINT here???  He smelled so strongly of tobacco that it was hard for me to be near him...honestly, it was like serving a giant ashtray.  Of course, he was lonely and wanted to talk and it was really hard for me because being near him aggravated my breathing which was already labored.  I kept thinking to myself that he could afford food if he didn't use tobacco...he could afford to pay for a meal.  I was ashamed of myself immediately because I have no right to judge him or anyone else.  Addiction is horrible and recovery is a journey that we have to take one day at a time...one STEP at a time.

Keep going forward, you are doing this and you are doing it WELL.

Hugs,

Ellen

[Bellegonia]

Elvan,

Reading your post... it popped into my head that the cigarettes this man is smoking may be what curbs his hunger if he only gets to eat because of the generosity of folks like your kids... that's a humanitarian program to have. Kudos to how you raised your kids. My Honey smoked some real stinky weed the other day and then drank a beer. OMG it was really bad smelling... I had a flash back and thought, "Who was I kidding? Trying to be a smoker who didn't smell like smoke?"

Alysonoholic, I have had the same kind of wandering brain. The other day when getting ready to go to The Big E (Fair) I realized that every bag and back pack I have was bought based on the strategic placment of pockets that held my cancer sticks... and the one I picked out was based on where I would put the smokes that I don't even smoke anymore. LOL. And how many people have bought a car with these minimal requirements: 1) it had a lighter 2) good ventilation 3) nice deep console space? Another LOL.

Hugs

Belle

[YoungAtHeart]

I remember being absolutely DESOLATE when they replaced the cigarette lighter in cars with the recharging receptacle!

What absolute ADDICTS we were....our whole lives revolved around it, didn't they?. WOW!

[Christine13]

They don't make cars with ashtrays anymore.  If you want one, it has to be specially made for the vehicle.

I am so glad I've NEVER smoked in my car!!!