Ah. Now I better understand. I thought maybe he was irritated perhaps because you kept bringing it up. I see that's not the case. It's all YOUR fault. YOU are the trigger. He's fine until YOU get home. Well we all know that's just the addiction speaking. That need to blame anything and everyone but ourselves on our failure,
I understand his feeling, however, by his statement that "what he needs is not in a book." That's another excuse, of course. There has to be some magical change within him and reading a silly book about quitting won't make that happen, he thinks. He's just afraid of it, is all. His refusal to read it is purely defensive. MOO (my opinion only).
So you have to find some kind of a hook to get him to read. Because reading is precisely what he needs to do. It is reading (education) and support that enabled most of us to finally conquer this addiction. I'm sure you've suggested this site, and he probably balked at that too. Maybe if you read through Best of EX yourself and picked out one blog that you think might move him. Or even just printed it out and left it lying around in a non-obvious place (You have to be clever in this business of convincing. lol). Something like: https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2016/12/07/your-quit-is-not-here Or a blog somewhere with the title I HATE QUITTING! Something that will enable him to understand that 1) he's not alone in the struggle and 2) it IS possible to beat this bugger.
He's right in that quitting has to come from within. Quitting is a transformation from the inside out. But in order for that transformation to occur, it takes a lot of in depth study, not only of ourselves, but of the nature of the addition itself and especially our relationship with it.
The hook that helped most of us overcome this was simply the knowledge that it IS an addiction and not just a "bad habit." Willpower alone will generally not work in overcoming an addiction. But self-discipline coupled with knowledge and support goes a long way down the path to success.
Interesting that after I wrote the last bit I glanced up at Nancy's post to see she said the same practically the same thing.
Have you suggested an NRT? It won't cure the cravings but does lessen it for some. But you can only show the horse the water. It has to put its nose down to drink. I hope he drinks of the waters of Freedom soon.
