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Give and get support around quitting

Roller831
Member

NML & Inbetweener Weekly Check In - 7/16/2018 - Life After NML

We do this blog every Monday to offer encouragement to those in No Man’s Land -- months 2-3-4 of a quit, give or take a couple of weeks and to those who have not yet made it to the 6% Club. This community has chosen to put a big, bright spotlight on NML – we’ve chased away the shadows, taken away the mystery, and put a lot of effort into bringing people in NML together. Because we understand that quitting isn’t over in a month.

Everyone who goes through NML blazes a trail for those that follow. You are not alone on this journey, and you never will be!

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This week’s topic: Life After NML


The first month of a quit is exciting, but it’s also emotional and exhausting. In No Man’s Land, you learn how to get back to living your life, to find your “new normal,” and fend off the occasional surprise craving. By the time you reach the end of NML, day 130 or so, you’re feeling pretty good!


What’s next, you might wonder? We always say that quitting is a journey, not an event, so what should you expect once you crest the NML hill and see the road in front of you?


For the rest of your first year, and to an extent your second year, you will need to be prepared for a few more seasonal triggers and life events that may create high stress and emotion. These triggers can be even more surprising because overall you hardly ever think of smoking anymore.


As smokers, we smoked in response to everything, good and bad. It should not surprise us that triggers we have not experienced yet will remind us of smoking. When you first see the autumn leaves fall, the first snow, the spring rains, the first summer barbeque, these are seasonal triggers you may not have experienced in your first 130 days.


The emotional triggers include Christmas, Thanksgiving, moving, loss of a job, death of a pet, death of a family member. And let’s not forget the “happy” triggers too – birthdays, New Year’s Eve, vacations. These events can call up both good and bad memories, and lead to old behaviors we thought were behind us.


Here’s the good news. You already know how to deal with this – the same way you dealt with cravings and smoking memories early in your quit. 
It’s no different. You already know what to do – kick it to the curb with NOPE – and as long as NOPE is your immediate and automatic response, whether the surprise hits you at 6-months, 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years, the result will always be the same – a continued smoke-free life.


As Dale says, as long as you use your tools and remember smoking only leads to more smoking, you will be fine.


So here’s to life after NML, and all the amazing smoke-free days to come! 

13 Replies
Barbscloud
Member

Great blog.  This is exactly where I am at 125 days.   Totally feel the seasonal changes.  Summer approaching was difficult, but I've already had lots of triumphs--several in the past two weeks alone.   I had a cook out and went to a few events and locations that always included smoking as a part of the festivities.  Each of these accomplishments makes you feel stronger about your quit.

karenjones
Member

I think that I am around 120 days smoke free and within the last week a couple of friends died. Unexpectedly.  The addict in me says that I will feel better if I have a cigarette. I know that it is not true. The addict is really smooth talking me. I must not listen. 

0 Kudos
elvan
Member

karenjones‌ Smoking won't help anything, it will not make you feel better, it would make you feel WORSE...deal with the grief,  don't let the addict smooth talk you.  Breathe in, deeply, exhale slowly.  You can do this...I am so sorry for the loss of your friends...sending you hugs.

Ellen

Barbscloud
Member

@karenjones.  We're on the same path with DOF.    The death of a loved one (humans and pets) may be the most difficult thing we're have to go through and remain smoke free.   I haven't had to face that yet so I don't have words of wisdom, just stay strong and remember it isn't going to change anything if you smoke.

Barb

karenjones
Member

I have the mistaken notion that I will feel better for a little while. i have come so close so close in the past couple of days. My addict is saying one cigarette won't hurt.  I know I can't do it. I do not want to go back to being a smoker. This will pass, but it is durned uncomfortable. 

Giulia
Member

Don't do it, Karen.  Don't go back to another Day One.  It's just the demon whispering in your ear.  If you've come close, then please go to the Relapse Prevention‌ area and read through the material there.  It's a good maintenance booster.  A cigarette may make you feel better for a little while.  I don't know, I never tested that theory.  I never relapsed because I thought a cigarette would relieve anything, I just - wanted the cigarette.  My relapses in the past were totally without any thought as to what they would mean (except having to confess to anyone I had told I was quitting.)  I didn't give it a whole lot of thought.  I think now, however, I would.  And that "whole lot of thought" would be enough to prevent my relapse.  

I believe once you have the education about this addiction, should you relapse, you will never be happy smoker again.  And you will always want to come back to what you know to be best for you.  Take a piece of masking tape and write NOPE on it with a marker pen then wrap it around your wrist.  That's the only patch we really need.

karenjones
Member

Thanks for the great advice , you are right,  i will never be a happy smoker. In fact, when I did relapse 4 times , it made me feel depressed.  4 times. like banging my head against a wall. And yet I did it. I relapsed, knowing full well that it would make me feel depressed, sad etc. So now I am hanging on to this quit . The encouragement of the Ex-ers, like you has meant all the difference to me.  I feel like I could scratch my eyes out. But I am not going to smoke. What really hurts me, is that this horrid craving comes after I have not had a cigarette for 4 months.  What a shock and surprise., 

Giulia
Member

"Shock and surprise"  Yup.  You'll find that true all along the journey.  Sometimes the surprises are GOOD ones.  Like the day you realize you haven't thought about a cigarette all day.  And sometimes you get slapped upside the head with a big reminder of what this addiction is capable of.  Stay true to that best part of you yearning to breathe free.  /blogs/Giulia-blog/2015/08/21/stay-safe-be-prepared 

0 Kudos
Barbscloud
Member

You made it through few days now, so you know you got this.  Stay close.