cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Read a member curated list of EX Community content over 10+ years

Mrs.Rum
Member

Acceptance - my hardest part and my best advice to you

Acceptance – the biggest, most important step   (And LONG.  Sorry.)

I wasn’t afraid this time.  In the past I’d felt like the sword was hanging over my head, like something bad would happen if I quit smoking.  (Right?  Like everyone looking at me would KNOW I’d quit smoking.  They would KNOW I was different somehow.  They would know something was off…. Right.  That’s crap.)  Cue the Alan Carr quote “Nothing bad can happen because you don’t smoke.”  This time I decided it just ‘was’ because as of May 1, 2013 I didn’t smoke anymore.  No drama, no issues, no freak outs, no whatever.  I just didn’t smoke anymore.

So, I accepted that parts of it would suck.  Some days would be better than others to be sure, but even if they weren’t – so what.

I accepted that there would be discomfort, some mental and some physical.  (“Hm…I’d like to smoke.  Am I in physical pain from this craving?  No?  Then I guess it’s not that bad and I can ignore it.  So there.”)

I accepted that I didn’t know how long it would take to quit thinking about the whole thing. (A year later it still hasn’t happened.  Big deal.)   But there would be no mental argument, that wasn’t an option.  I would never cave again because I was ‘tired of fighting with myself’.

I accepted that I didn’t know how long assorted parts of this would go on.  (Those mental arguments.  Damn them anyway.  But this time, it didn’t matter.)

I accepted that there was no magic bullet.  I would have to be my own magic bullet.

I accepted that I didn’t know how I’d get through certain situations; I only knew that somehow I would.  I would plan to succeed. 

I accepted that there may not be people around me who cared about my quit.  I would have to care about it enough myself to make it work.  Success was on my shoulders alone and I would succeed or fail by my own choices.

I accepted that losing my temper, yelling, and verbally hurting people I cared about wasn’t an option.  They didn’t make me start smoking; it wasn’t their fault I needed to quit.  I would have to learn to control my temper; which meant that there wouldn’t be any way to talk myself into smoking so I’d calm down, or any way to push someone else into begging me to smoke again. 

I accepted that there was no end point.  There would be no definitive time that I could say “I’m done with quitting”.  I’m a gal who won’t just get in the car and drive.  I wouldn’t even get on my motorcycle unless I knew where we were going so I’d know when we were there.  It was *very* difficult to accept that I couldn’t see any finish line with this.

And finally I accepted that I just didn’t know what I didn’t know so no advice was off the table, no suggestions were beneath me, and no help was going to be turned down.  And then, I got to work.

Tags (1)
29 Replies
pbrockway
Member

Love this.

0 Kudos
pbrockway
Member

Thank you for such a great read.  That's is exactly how I was feeling before my date.  I have put in my head that I can be strong and work thru my craving.  

Like driving to work this morning, it was a challenge but I found a pen in my car, and just held it like a cigarette. Wow it helps.  At this point I am making this my last attempt to quit.  I am a NON SMOKER.

0 Kudos
pbrockway
Member

I did the same, when I held the pen I was more relaxed.  Driving is a challenge still but I am working thru it.  I am a Non Smoker!

0 Kudos
freedove
Member

Thank you.  Quit date approaching and facing the acceptance now.  Last quit wasn't hard made four months then fell off. Not feeling real strong right now but hoping that will change.

0 Kudos
Giulia
Member

freedove‌  Have courage.  You've done it before and you can do it again.  What will make you stronger is to continue to do your homework.  Re-read those blogs that spoke to you, discover new ones and bookmark them.  I made a file of those blogs and even just sentences that encouraged and reinforced my resolve.  And I would go back and re-read them when the going got tough.  It's one of those things we need in our Quit Kit and is really helpful.  Some thoughts I had a few years ago on commitment and acceptance:  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/1239-what-makes-a-successful-quitter 

0 Kudos
Bonnie
Member

Bookmarking...Thank you, Mrs. Rum!

AnnetteMM
Member

So wonderfully written!

0 Kudos
Love4MeFromMe
Member

I needed to read this! Beautifully said and written!!! Thank you so much for this thoughtful and thought inspiring post!!! 

0 Kudos
Lauralives
Member

Thank you for this.  I will reread it several times as I embark on my forever quit starting tomorrow.  Laura

indingrl
Member

CONGRATS AND GOOD JOB YOUR WORKING YOUR OWN GOALS AND ACCEPTING YOUR OWN NICOTINE FREEDOM-ONE DAY AT A TIME! YAHOO FOR YOU! 

0 Kudos