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Give and get support around quitting

Giulia
Member

NML & Inbetweener Weekly Check In – 3/26/2018

No Man's Land.jpg

(Filling in for roller831‌ today.  And what a  splendid job she's been doing with this every week.  A true labor of love.  Thank you so much for your dedication to the cause you soon-to-be-Elder!) 

/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months 

 

    This discussion is posted every Monday to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in No Man's Land - that murky period of time when the excitement of your quit has become a drudgery, when friends and family have ceased their enthusiasm and support and when you're beginning to wonder why you even bothered to embark upon this journey.  The ever present question "when will the unpleasant part be over" continues to raise it's ugly head.  

This period of time is part of that rite of passage to Freedom.  It's the maintenance stage and it's almost as tough as the first week simply because you're tired from fighting by this point.  So, how do you get through it?  You continue your education.  You hunker down and work even harder.  And you treat yourself to the monthly milestones.  Treats are especially important during this stage.  And you mightily deserve them! 

No Man's Land is the final frontier in a way.  Once you get through this phase of the process, and make no mistake, quitting IS a process, you'll discover a happier land.  You'll find more and more that you've gone through a day or two without thinking about a cigarette.  You'll begin to have more and more "aha" moments.  One of mine was when I could pass by a smoker, or see a pack of cigarette in a store and not want one.  That was  huge psychological transition for me.  Didn't mean I wouldn't have moments when I wanted to smoke again.  But those moments became less and less frequent after each "aha" occurrence.  It's exciting when you realize you can look at cigarettes or someone smoking and not be triggered.  It's thrilling, actually.  

One of the places you might spend some time reading during NML is in Relapse Prevention‌  NML can be a dangerous, shaky time and the more reinforcement you give yourself, the better.  You might also go back to (or start) making a daily pledge Take the Daily Pledge .  There are tools here to help you through this period.  Use them.  Stay engaged.  Offer support to others.  If you don't feel excited about your own quit at this point, get excited about someone else's.  And find time to play.  Playing and laughter are balms and help nourish.  That's why we sometimes put up silly things here, things to help distract and make each other laugh.  Our spirits can get rather morose at times on this journey and we need to remember levity.  Our life is improving!  Even if it may not feel like it!  lol

Hold this thought close during this period:  "To thine own self be true."  You've come so far since that first day.  It may not feel like it, but you have.  Think about it.  Examine the differences between the now and that day before your Day One when you were so terrified.  You're not scared any more, are you?  That's a huge transition right there that we don't even acknowledge.  Trust the process.  Trust that time will ultimately be your friend.  And whatever you do - stay the course.  You've worked too hard not to.

Here's a question for you:  What's your concept of Freedom from smoking, Freedom from this addiction?   How will you know when you've achieved it?  

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16 Replies
minihorses
Member

Another red letter week in my life.  You name it, it either broke and went wrong.  I wish Mr. "Murphy" and his stupid "Law" would move out of  my house! Unfortunately he has grown very comfortable living here all these years.  Anyway, as much as I really wanted to smoke last week, I remained quit. I could have gone to the store at any time or picked some up the two times I did go out but I think I'm just used to not buying them and I didn't even think about it.  

That's all from my end because the rest of my week was so awful and this is neither the time nor the place to discuss it and why it made me want to smoke so badly.

Julie

TurboRose
Member

Congratulations on pushing through the challenges without nicotine. 

MichelleDiane
Member

Good morning.  I understand NML very well now.  I did not make it that far in, but understand why it's difficult.  For me I think it was the fear that I was actually never going to smoke again and the addict part of me was not accepting that.  It was scared that the future (which is unknown to all) was going to be void.  I can appreciate that now.  I can also appreciate that I don't have to fight.  Right now I may have thoughts of smoking.  I may have urges or cravings, but I also know that if I continue to be smoke free I will smell clean, breathe better, cough less, have more energy, engage in many things, and enjoy life.  I will be taking the journey to NML, but feel I am stronger because I truly know that I see it through different lenses.  I won't fear it.  I will be mindful of the pitfalls.  I will hold onto my saddle.  I will reach out when I even have a thought.  I will push through it.  Thank you Giulia for your thought provoking post.

AnnetteMM
Member

Good morning, G!  I continue to NOT buy cigarettes and to NOT smoke them.  I continue to find the smell on other people distasteful, and I continue to enjoy my clean house.  I continue to imagine my throat hurting, my lungs hurting, and coughing in the morning as my reward for a relapse.  I'm happy to see you this morning, and to be here!

Giulia
Member

Glad you pushed through the cravings and Mr. Murphy's long visit, Julie minihorses‌  Hope this week he's left the premises!

"fear that I was actually never going to smoke again" good point, MichelleDiane‌   It's the fear that we'll never be able to enjoy life as we have in the past.  Which is just the addictive mind's lie.  As is the projection of there being a "void" in our lives.  On the contrary.  We have more time to experience the things in life without a cigarette than with one in hand.  We can participate in more events. 

AnnetteMM‌  - Right thinking.  State the negatives and focus on the positives.  

MichelleDiane
Member

Fear sucks, but smoking does suck more.  Thanks for your insightful words

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minihorses
Member

Thank you G!  "Murphy" took up permanent residence in my house when I was very young. He unfortunately tagged along on my honeymoon, follows us to wherever we move, and refuses to leave.  Now if I could just get him to pay rent!

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Giulia
Member

I should have put that link in the blog.  Now I will.  Thanks.

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