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Give and get support around quitting

gmcculloch
Member

Can't seem to make it for the long haul

I joined this group about 2-3 weeks ago. At that point I had been off cigarettes for 2 weeks and was worried that the old pattern of stopping and then going back was going to happen. I was doing great. I bought the book recommended on The Illustrated Easy Way to Stop Smoking and found it very helpful. The support from this group was amazing and also really helpful. Then, my Godson committed suicide. I was not able to be online and on the site. There was no time for the week of planning and this week is so sad for my friend who lost her son for no apparent reason. Staying strong was not in the cards the last 10 days and I am back to my 1 pack a day habit. Every day I wake up and want it to the the day I stop. But by 11 AM, there I am at the store, buying a pack of cigarettes. I don't understand how I continue to smoke knowing all that I do about the ways to quit and how bad it is for me. Any insight would be appreciated. I am going to read the book again and am shooting for this Saturday as my new quit date.

TX

Gina

34 Replies

you need to break up with your best friend, cigarettes.  did you do the exercise of tracking your cigarettes and when you are most likely to smoke and develop ways to separate from them?  Smoking is doing something emotionally for you that you're telling yourself.  In my instance, they kept me company, they were a warm blanket and never questioned me about anything.  I was super mad about something, I believed they calm me down.  I was using "something" to do all those  things for myself that I could do for myself.  Take inventory of your house and make a list of things that need to be done, wallpaper ripped off, cupboards that need cleaning, walls washing, ceiling fans, windows, the list goes on.  keep yourself busy, busy for the next 30 days.  You'll have good days and bad days just like any other person does in life.  We just have to learn how to react to those bad days differently now.  Read some in Newbie Quitters‌ and Relapse Prevention‌.   Loads of tips and tricks there.  Another good read, https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2013/08/12/understanding-excuses?sr=search... . Dig your heels in.  You can do this !!!!

NewMe
Member

Everybody finds different advice to be the most helpful. That is part of the beauty of this site. You receive many different perspectives, but if you do the reading and preparation that is recommended, you are well on your way to success. I rarely share this, but I read 3 or 4 versions of the Allen Carr book (yup, there are several available) in the 2 years leading up to my successful quit. The book nudged my thinking in the right direction, but was not enough to do it for me. Here are some things I did find to work for me. Visit the website whyquit.com. In particular, read Freedom from Nicotine, The Journey Home. Sorry, my brain is a little foggy, there was at least one other article I found to be powerful, but I am not remembering the name. Also, if at all possible, the advice is to start out bookending your early days reading here on BecomeAnEx first thing in the morning and before bed to gather helpful tips, support, and insights on how to be successful. If you start feeling vulnerable, don't cave in. Come here and use the word "help" in your blog and people will come around really quickly to offer support. Find out about the phrases we all used to help in the beginning. SINAO (smoking is not an option), NOPE (not one puff ever), NEF (never ever forget how hard it is to quit, so you don't want to keep repeating mistakes) , and one of my faves; saying right out loud if you can, or repeating it silently if out in public "I don't do that anymore" As soon as I repeated that phrase to myself, my brain accepted it as truth, and I was able to move on. Good luck to you. And do remember that you have to do the work in order to succeed. But if you do, it will be the very best thing you ever did for yourself.

gmcculloch
Member

Thank you. I am a bit overwhelmed by all the options but grateful there are so many. Really need to learn how to navigate the site to find what I need. Will keep at it. I have today and tomorrow and hope to wake up Saturday as someone who "doesn't do that anymore".

This site is amazing.

indingrl
Member

Great Job with NEW mind change WE will stay quit together this is a NEW DAY so joy filled you chose you dont use nicotine anymore!!!! CONGRATS!!!! Keeo on keeping on in Lord Jesus name amen....please take what helps and let go of rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim. You are doing GOOD GOOD GOOD for YOU please continue educating YOURSELF on YOUR nicotine addition ONE day at a time thank for for helping ME REMAIN staying quit no matter what with YOU!

if you ever need help getting around or finding something, just post a question or ask Jennifer-Quit‌ or myself or post it in the ask a question section or even search for what you're looking for.  there's been many, many questions in this past year since this new platform was launched.  Just ask, we'll be here to help you

YoungAtHeart
Member

DECIDE that you will not smoke another cigarette NO MATTER WHAT!  Life is always going to happen.  Decide NOW how you will deal with its inevitabilities.  What can you do when it's rough?  What do you think people who have never smoked do?  If you know any, ask them!  If not, may I suggest you go for a quick walk, or take slow/deep breaths, or count backwards from 1,000, or count the red/blue/white things in the room, or call a friend or come here and read and read some more?

Have a plan, and remain disciplined to follow it.  You have decided you don't want to smoke - so honor that, starting Saturday
Nancy

Daniela2016
Member

I have little to add to the prior advice provided to you.  But "I don't do that anymore" helped me a lot" every time the thought of smoking came to mind. Allan Carr's book was an eye opener; I went back to it during the early days of my quit many times.  What it did for me was help me understand the way the addiction had changed me, and how I can be an active participant on the next change, the separation from smoking.  Being here every day, listening to the elders, the comments sometimes seemed harsh, I was also learning the site along with learning to quit.  It was challenging but in a good way.  I blogged very often, but mostly I read here all I was able to read.  You can better prepare yourself for what's to come by reading https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/thread/6040-my-welcome-to-new-members-10-years-of-wisdom-

But mostly trust yourself you can do it.  You did it once, now you know how to start and are learning how to continue a successful quit!!!

Welcome back!

JACKIE1-25-15
Member

Sorry for the tragedy but it is the addiction that gives you belief that you need to have a cigarette.  Once you change the mindset that you don't have to or need to you will get pass those 2-3 weeks. Do not let that be a mental stumbling block thinking that you can't.  Educate yourself about the addiction. The Law of Addiction   It is important to read study, stay close.  Make the commitment that no matter what is happening in your life it is no EXcuse to smoke. NOPE Stay connected until you are stronger.  Start at day one, never quit on your quit. You can do it. 

Giulia
Member

I'll second the reading in Relapse Prevention , Gina.  There's a lot of good material in there (especially some of the comments following the blogs themselves.)

And so the old pattern was indeed re-established, just as you feared.  But it doesn't have to go on forever.  You CAN break the pattern.  Let's take an uninvolved unemotional look at what happened.  An emotional shock caught you off guard.  You had a plan in place (to come here to the site), but that plan didn't work out.  Why not?  Did you not have a cell phone where you could connect to the internet?  Perhaps no internet service where you were?  Could you not get to a place where there WAS cell phone service?  Or to a local library?  Or could you not borrow someone else's phone or laptop or whatever?  What were the barriers to connecting to the site and how could you have overcome them?  Was it just an easy excuse to put a cigarette back in your mouth?  I'm very sorry about your Godson, by the way.  Death of a loved one is hard enough, but suicide haunts the mind horribly.

"I don't understand how I continue to smoke knowing all that I do about the ways to quit and how bad it is for me."   I can't tell you how many times many of us said we were going to stop and then by 11 am walked out that door to buy a pack.  The reason I did was because I hadn't made a full and firm commitment.  And I especially hadn't done any homework on the addiction.  AND I didn't have a support group like this to help and hold myself accountable to.

Now there are no excuses for you not to plan.  Part of the planning is figuring out what we will do when strong triggers strike.  Any trigger.  Life happens, the good and the bad part.  But smoking doesn't have to happen.  Seriously sit down with yourself and ask yourself what kind of a commitment are you willing to make to this effort?  It's gotta 100%, no options, no excuses allowed.  That's what this takes.  And yes, self discipline.  Reading on here and communicating daily with others will help firm up that commitment.  Support is a wonderful two-way street.  It enriches those receiving and affirms those same positive thoughts in our own brains.  

/blogs/Giulia-blog/2016/11/20/excuses 

/blogs/Giulia-blog/2011/07/01/how-deep-is-your-commitment 

/blogs/Giulia-blog/2016/08/08/when-you-accept-this-journey