So Angry

[Tammyzhere]

It appears to be a combination of things:

the nicotine withdrawal

all the feelings I stuffed with smoking

losing my 40 year old pacifier

the craziness of wanting to and not wanting to smoke at the same time

so edgy and loopy that I dunno what I'm doing

I just know that quiting is the right thing

even though it is really hard to do

I have all these scented candles, candies and vapor sticks

And I tell myself.... What if... I never had to buy another pack

It's new to not have cigarettes in the house

scary and victorious

so vulnerable

so volatile

I've stopped so many times before

and went back

One time I made it 8 months

usually it was 2 weeks

or just 2-3 days

So far, I've only told strangers

It can go either way

but yesterday I went out

and didn't buy any

and I'll go out again today

I used to buy 2-3 cartons at a time

I went out of town to get them

half hour or so away

What if - I never had to buy cigarettes again

What if - I became a non smoker

[bonniebee]

Great blog Tammy ! i could relate toallof your thoughts and feelings about quitting and withdrawal . Of coarse that was over 1000 days ago and you can do it too ! 

I never made it to 8 months in previous quits the longest I made it was about 3 1/2 months i was a serial quitter too ! 

I found Ex this time around and it has given me all the support i needed stick around !

[Tra119]

This was a great read. It is exactly how I see it and I also have quit numerous times but this time I feel I am ready to end it once and for all. I gotta do this for me. I come on EX daily and this group has helped me so much in this short time. The stories and conversations are real and I can relate to so much. 

[Tammyzhere]

TRA - LA - LA 

we have the same quit date  

How's it going over there????

I'm wandering

around here

geeking out

NOPE 

don't wanna

Smoke

Just don't know

what to do with myself

can't concentrate

kinda lost in limbo

any suggestions 

from the peanut gallery??

[Tra119]

OMG thank God for Hommus and carrot sticks!!! So far so good with the quitting but that hand to mouth thing can be rough at times. I just stay busy and try not to think about the wanting ! LOL

How have you been doing?? Hang in there with me!! We can do this!! Happy Monday and here's to being smoke free!!!

[crazymama_Lori]

that first 30 days is something else.  I tried quitting before and my two main problem areas was frustration and lack of concentration.  Sometimes I swear to god I worked myself into a tizzy just so I'd have an excuse to buy a pack.  Or I'd use the excuse of this just is not going to work, I have to concentrate, I'll do it some other time.  A really good blog to read is https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2013/08/12/understanding-excuses?sr=search...‌ by Giulia.  or A Quit Dialogue in IV Acts. She has so many blogs on her page that I read a lot of in the early days for me.  You can also go back on a lot of member's profiles and set the filter for oldest first and read from the very beginning of their quits, how similar things are.  I did a lot of that in the first couple of months.  I had to have some kind of reassurance that I wasn't going crazy.  That's what makes quitting so frustrating, there is no set timeline, there's no set symptoms, not everyone goes through the exact same thing at the exact same time.  There's basically vagueness that you have to read through and see through in order to get through.  Once you relinquish the power of the mighty white stick and take over control, that's when things become easier and easier  

[elvan]

You are doing this and you are doing a lot better than you are able to see right now.  Please take Lori's advice for some extra support.

Ellen

[Tammyzhere]

I was watching some brain dead movie from the 80's

and 

there was a skinny Kristie Allen puffin away 

and 

this is why I don't leave the house

cuz 

that totally set me off

but

I MADE IT  

Nope, Nope, Nope, NOPE
Not one puff EVER!!!!!

[elvan]

Yeah, some of those older movies and even series show people smoking pretty constantly.  Used to make me crazy...I remember it well. It was like when I would decide I wanted to lose a little weight and my stomach would be growling and every other ad on television had something to do with food or shows that centered around people eating.  Yep, one step away from eating the refrigerator.  No matter what...just keep going in the right direction and remember that you own this quit, no one else does.

Think of how much better you smell...that seems little but it's NOT, it's actually HUGE, it is one of the great rewards and they really are countless.

Ellen

[Tammyzhere]

Thanks for all your support. 

You know how hard the first few days are.

It is a HUGE adjustment and 

I appreciate all the comments.

[minihorses]

I love the pic. It looks exactly like my cat Snowball.