Where is it coming from?

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Apr 23, 2018

The first 2 weeks to 30 days is your body adjusting to not having nicotine flowing through the bloodstream robbing you of oxygen and nutrients. You notice during this time hands tingling, headaches, mouth blisters and the list goes on. I had some radical restless leg going on for a few weeks. I increased my B12, and omega 3's and took magnesium at night for the restless leg and the sleeplessness. My main problem was not getting enough sleep or waking up every 2 hours. If I had gotten a solid 4 to 5 hours, I could conquer the world.


Then we move on the next stage. I was just thinking about this the other day how my first year really is quite a blur. I was fixated on staying quit and not allow myself to lose it by any costs. I far more exaggerated outcomes of yearly events or get-togethers and found they weren't so bad after all. I steered away from any alcohol consumption whatsoever. Just what I needed was something to work on my brain to weaken my resolve, my inhibitions, no thank you.


After I got off the roller coaster of going up and down and coasting along for a few weeks and starting that crazy cycle all over again but not so intense as the last time, I started reflecting on the whys and the when those thoughts of smoking pop up. It isn't an all-consuming urge to scramble for a cigarette like it was in the beginning but it was just a gentle shove. Why is this popping up out of the blue?


I'll let you in on a little secret that I've done once I got past the roller coaster and I've finally plateaued. When those times arose, I took a few minutes. I took exactly the amount of time it would take to smoke a cigarette to slowly breathe in and breathe out and think about where is this coming from? What is making the thought of smoking so profound at this exact moment in time?


It could be simply the change of season. Spring has sprung. It could a holiday, Thanksgiving, Christmas. It could be something I've always done ritualistically, going up north to the trailer over Memorial Day. A child arriving home from college over a break or over the summer. An anniversary, birthday. A little snapshot in time in my own personal life that was always associated with smoking. But I need to take those few seconds to see what is sparking this thought. I need to consciously acknowledge it and dismiss it. It will pop up again, but it won't be so intense the next time because you saw it for what it represented, a memory.


I know I'm not an occasional smoker. I'm not a one a day smoker. I'm a pack a day and more smoker. I can't stop at one. I can't buy a pack of cigarettes, smoke one and throw the rest out. Ain't going to happen. So simply the answer is I'm never going there. I will not give myself the permission to buy that pack. I will make the choice not to. I could drive to the store right now and buy a pack and nobody would know the difference. I would, because I'll be up to 2 packs a day in a heartbeat. I'm not going through this again. I like who I grew up to be and growing to be. It may have taken me quite a long time to get here, but I'm grounded finally.


So in conclusion, before you get dressed, turn the key, start down that road running back to what you always knew and believed was falsely helping you solve the world's problems, making everything right again, take a second and think about another solution to your impulse, your snap decision. Take a few moments to think, Where is it coming from?