I think I have prepared myself to handle triggers. I have done the research and the reading recommended. I have spent hours thinking about quitting and preparing to quit. I have written down the reasons I want to quit and have posted them everywhere. I think I can. But, I am so scared I want to cry! As I write this, tears are welling up in my eyes. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid I won't be able to throw away that partial bag of tobacco and cigarette roller. I really have enjoyed smoking, but I KNOW how bad it is. It is hurting me. I need to break up with the addition. I left an abusive relationship 9 years ago, and it feels like that. Saying good-bye hurt. I cried for days even though I knew it was the right thing to do. After I left him, I still thought about him and wanted him, but I NEVER went back. After 6 months or so, I was completely over it. And didn't replace him with another, but just found my happy self once again. So many people told me to leave him throughout the years, and I knew I should have, but didn't listen. I had to do it myself. Quitting smoking really, really, feels like those times. I am scared and know I must quit, but am afraid I might not be able to. I feel physically ill thinking about it.
