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Laughter is the Best Medicine

111 Posts authored by: jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007

and the whole story only has one bad word

     One early morning after a hard rain, I was making my way up the hill when I saw a line of traffic stuck behind a stalled car and heard the frenzied shouting of men.

And then it hit me. The fell-you-where-you’re-standing stench of ****. One of the sewer drains had overflowed, blasting away its manhole cover, and a gleaming brown waterfall cascaded down the hill. It took me about a minute to understand what was happening: what this had to do with the stalled car, why there were about fifteen men gesturing hysterically, half of them yelling at the poor, broken-down driver to “Push on! Push on!” and the other half careering down the hill, warning the other cars to “Go back! Go back!”

The car’s tires, you see, couldn’t get a grip on the asphalt for the slimy effluence underwheel. They spun and spun in place, emitting an agonized whine, churning out fecal matter as the men screamed, and women craned their heads over windowsills and balcony railings, adding their own horrified shouting and instructions to the commotion.       Occasionally there was a mighty string of curses as one of the men got too close and got splattered. The private become public in spectacular fashion. It was horrifying. It was hilarious. It was basically everything a great poop joke should be. After watching awhile from a safe distance, I took a detour up another hill, giggling the whole way.

 

https://thebaffler.com/latest/waste-away-mounzer?utm_source=pocket-newtab 

jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007

WOW

Posted by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Jul 10, 2020

      I just had a weird dystopian, prophetic/deja-vu type experience. You know the powers that be are pushing us toward a cashless society, right?

      Well, this morning, I went to get a few things and both my credit card and atm card were declined. So yeah, what's going to happen when we're cashless and your purchases can be denied. And, what if it's because you said something someone disapproved of?

No food?

      When I first approached the "machine" it said if you want to pay in cash you can't.

That didn't bother me because I was going to use a card.

Both cards declined.

Is anyone following me here. Talk about control.

They finally got my credit card to work. They said after the chip failed three times they could swipe it.

I'M GOING TO REMEMBER THAT

here's the kicker

the mint hasn't sent them any coinage in two weeks.

are people hoarding their coins to buy toilet paper?

The masks I have steam up my glasses and overheat me.

I'd like to get something to breathe through that doesn't do that.

Bandanas are typically 22 x 22

Larger ones are 27 x 27

My head is 24 inches in diameter. 

that only gives me one and a half inches to tie.

IMPOSSIBLE

So, I got to thinking:

Go watch Naked and Afraid

and count your blessings!

jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007

Hmmmm

Posted by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Jun 16, 2020

I got a haircut

jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007

What?

Posted by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 May 29, 2020

Care to add a verse? Carl? Giulia? Missy? All are welcome

Here's three to get you started.

If you hum the melody, it's easier to add the words

Don't forget to end your verse with "Now I just Don't Smoke"

I dropped the soap I dropped my wipe

I washed my hair I put on my hair hat

I tied my shoes  I put on sandals

I brushed my teeth I wore a mask

I smoked a cigarette No I didn't

 

How has your life changed under this lock down

 

Change is inevitable. Make the most of it!

Fortune Cookies Do Not Pertain To Seniors

I think we could come up with some that are more relatable 

Here's one I got today  

"YOU WILL BE REWARDED GREATLY FOR TAKING THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED."

This has absolutely nothing to do with me.

We need some fortunes that read more like: 

 

"YOU MAY GO TWICE TOMORROW"

or

"YOU MAY NOT DRIVE WITHOUT YOUR KEYS"

or

"YOU LEFT YOUR TEETH BESIDE THE BED"

 

do you have any to add?

               and no smoking!

jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007

Have You

Posted by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 May 13, 2020

 

How about a bowl of Applesaws?

Missy,

could you paint a a bowl of applesaws?

If you're still alive,

you're getting old.