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Mandolinrain

Smiles for Saturday

Posted by Mandolinrain May 30, 2020

 

Happy Weekend to you all...The suns out and I am headed to the flower beds

Mandolinrain

Like a dog in the house

Posted by Mandolinrain May 20, 2020

To good not to share ( written by anonymous , not me )

 

I hope they give us two weeks notice before sending us back out into the real world. I think we'll all need the time to become ourselves again. And by "ourselves" I mean lose 10 pounds, cut our hair and get used to not drinking at 9:00 a.m.

New monthly budget: Gas $0 Entertainment $0 Clothes $0 Groceries $2,799.

Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating.

Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now. We don't have nails to fill and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day. I have been training for this moment my entire life!

When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.

I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: "Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on scale."

Not to brag, but I haven't been late to anything in over 6 weeks.

I wanted zombies and anarchy. Instead we got working from home and toilet paper shortages.

You know those car commercials where there's only one vehicle on the road - doesn't seem so unrealistic these days …

They can open things up next month, I'm staying in until July to see what happens to you all first.

Appropriate analogy: "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now" = "The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

People keep asking: "Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?" Listen y'all, the churches and casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing it's probably pretty serious.

Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.

Home school Day 1: I'm trying to figure out how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.

Okay, the schools are closed. So do we drop the kids off at the teacher's house or what?

For the second part of this quarantine do we have to stay with the same family or will they relocate us? Asking for myself...

Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We wander around the house looking for food. We get told "No" if we get too close to strangers and we get really excited about going for walks and car rides.

The dumbest thing I've ever bought was a 2020 planner...

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in."

Mandolinrain

Caught!

Posted by Mandolinrain Jul 26, 2018

A guys sitting in his easy chair reading the newspaper and his wife walks in and clunks him over the head with a frying pan.

 

He says to his wife

" Why the heck did you do that"?

 

She says

" I was doing your laundry and this slip of paper was in your pants pocket with the name 'MARYLOU' on it".

 

He says to his wife in response :

AW honey, thats from the racetrack. Marylou is the name of the horse I was betting on".

 

An hour or so later, the mans wife walks back into the room with an even bigger frying pan and cracks him again on the head.

 

The man jumps up and says :

"Now what was that all about"?

 

The wife glares at him and says:

" Your horse just called"

Mandolinrain

Funny

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 13, 2018

A fellow goes into a bar and says to the 3 gals next to him.......

 

" Would ya like me to tell you gals a blonde joke"?

 

The first gal says... " Well sure, but just so you know, I am a former kickboxing champion, my friend next to me is the former Miss Olympian, and our other friend is a currant womans Boxer "

 

The guys turns around and looks straight ahead and says......

 

Oh never mind, I don't feel like repeating it 3 times.

 

 By the way, I am blonde and thought this to be funny

Mandolinrain

Cured please

Posted by Mandolinrain Dec 10, 2017