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Bonnie

What a Ride...

Posted by Bonnie May 4, 2018

Today is day 118...almost through "NML"...I dislike acronyms immensely...everywhere you go they've got their own acronyms and assume that you "get it"...I am going to celebrate leaving NML with a pedicure..not this week, but when I have the funds...writing this down so that I remember that is what I'm rewarding myself with...It's been quite a ride, this quit, actually my whole life has been quite a ride, and I don't regret one minute of it...but this quit has been special because:

~I got involved with this support group, to the best of my ability and energy.

~I could no longer afford to smoke (organic American Spirits: $10/pack @ .5 pack a day = $5/day)

~I was tired of it all.

 

So, I got on the horse and took off.  Doing OK at 118 days, won't smoke today, hope to never smoke ever again.  It's been quite a ride this time around...needed to find a job to eat and I did, within two weeks of looking (a God thing, for sure, at my age). Working retail, lots to learn, minimal training, standing on my feet for hours at a time (I healed a broken leg 3 years ago, first broken bone of my life, happened while working at my granddaughter's preschool, blah, blah, blah)...anyway, I'm doing OK because I HAVEN'T SMOKED...decided I didn't want to die a smoker, and so the decision was finally made, the VOW like another Exer said (sorry, can't remember her name or do the @ thing)....

Well,  I just "discovered" I "may" have ADD...or whatever label...splurged and bought a used book online today to find out more...I think my "addictions" were perhaps a way of coping with life for me...I already read "The Highly Sensitive Person" and answered most of the questions "YES"...and that was the first time in my life I felt that I wasn't crazy....I mean, who do YOU know who really dislikes escalators?  They scare me TO DEATH!

Ok, I'm another ramblin' rose, but I just want to thank you all for being here, because I'm NOT smoking....working a parttime retail job that when I walk off the job I am NUMB from the overstimulation (I'm working a very busy cashiering position with minimal training), and I just know I don't want to smoke to center myself...I won't smoke, but I may have had "reasons" that I slipped back into addictive behavior...More will be revealed

Love you all, thanks for "listening",

Bonnie