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Thomas3.20.2010

DIVERSITY

Posted by Thomas3.20.2010 Jun 6, 2011

The United States of America was built by a diverse group of people. The strength, resilience, and richness of the United States of America are based on the diversity of its citizens. Everyone is equal in worth, and is entitled to the same privileges and opportunities regardless of their age, national origin, disability, gender, or race. Each of us has our own unique background and talents.

Diversity creates a Community that is enriched with people from different cultures and that have different experiences, lifestyles, backgrounds, perspectives, and ideas. A diverse Community:

      
  • recognizes and values talent.
  •   
  • eliminates barriers and ensures that all members are treated fairly and have the chance to reach their maximum potential.
  •   
  • encourages the exchange of ideas which not only broadens the scope of problem solving, but also improves the possibility that the problems will be solved.

Ours is a Diverse Community and that's an integral aspect of what makes it so effective in achieving SUCCESS!!! We don't always see eye to eye but we have RESPECT for each other! I don't always agree with "tough love" and I don't always agree with moddly coddling, either! Each contact I have with a new member is based on my own experience. I bring to the table my diagnosis of COPD (even when I don't memtion it!), my SUCCESS, my personality! It can hardly be otherwise. It's for the Newbie to take what is useful to them and leave the rest from all the comments and advice they receive! I disagree that there are any few people in control of what goes on here! We all have equal opportunity to add our own input. I've seen many, many, members come and go, some drifting in and out. It's only natural that we are drawn to some members more than others. And time online is a commodity. I most often center on folks with COPD and then on other members who I feel are open to the Fantastic Change which is necessary to become a true EX. That's because my quits in the past have been for Months even Years but not sincere! I was just borrowing time, "cleaning out my lungs so I can smoke some more!" So I know the difference! I Know that's just not good enough! You bring your own talents, experience and personality to your Comments! Each of us contributes something that may help that individual make the ultimate decision - to live addiction FREE! I would like to remind you so you don't get depressed that as you see folks come and go, remember that you have no idea how many mustard seeds you are planting on the way! Maybe that person will come back later or maybe somebody else read that Comment to So-and-So and took it to heart! I think we'd all be surprised at how many people are lurking, reading everything but choose to remain out of the limelight! Finally, contribute what you have and respect that other contributor, too! We all make this Community a Great Place to be and most important SUCCESSFUL!

This is not meant to scare anyone. I feel it was one on the reasons I was able to make it through the difficult things I was going through during this time in my quit and what many others were going through on the site I began my quit with. If you have lost a quit during the first 4 months or so, think back and try to remember what made you give in and smoke. Chances are it was the difficult feelings Ron Maxey describes here.

 

No Mans Land Authored By Ron Maxey 2002

 

I call No Man's Land that period of time after 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit,  This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

 

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night, and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

 

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

 

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

 

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

 

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.

 

You will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

 

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

 

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a promise with 2 or 3 good friends on the site here and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quit partners... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

 

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quit buddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send sitemail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

 

Third, ask some of the older quitters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

 

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

 

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

 

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

 

Ron

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

The following is a link to a study that confirms the extra strong cues to smoke after the first month quit and into the next few months. Thank you Thomas

 

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2012/08/27/knowledge-is-power-know-your-enemy

Another one of those things I found that may help...


1. Read a book.
2. Wash the car.
3. Wash the dog.
4. Go for a walk.
5. Knit a scarf.
6. Do a crossword puzzle.
7. Take a nap.
8. Call a friend.
9. Post a comment on my page
10. Play with the cat.
11. Turn the bathroom into a spa and do all those beauty treatments.
12. Listen to a relaxation tape or some favorite music.
13. Go to a store and get a free make-up session.
14.Give yourself a manicure and pedicure.
15. Try out a new hair-do
16. CHEW SOME CLOVES!
17. Go to the movies.
18. Hang out at a mall.
19. Do a jigsaw puzzle online at Jigzone.com
20. Breathe deeply!
21. Swig down some ice water.
22. Jump on a treadmill or go to a gym.
23. Give someone you love a huge hug.
24. Plant some flowers.
25. Do some exercise - swimming, aerobics, yoga, etc. Great for releasing endorphins (feel good factor) and relieving stress (physical and mental).
26. Work out how to post a picture in the forum!
27. Take up a new hobby/interest - channel your thoughts into something constructive and interesting.
28. Work in the garden.
29. Retail therapy with the cash you saved from not smoking.
30. Suck on a piece of TART candy (Jolly Rancher is my personal favorite).
31. Slather on a rich, creamy hand lotion and rub, rub, rub! It keeps fingers busy, and reminds you how nice it is not to have tobacco stink on them.
32. Eat a popscicle.
33. Floss and brush your teeth.
34. Make-out with your special someone! Hubby hated kissing me when I smoked, but now he LOVES it. Soooo, when the urge strikes and he's within kissing distance, I plant a big one on him!
35. Chew gum.
36. Chew a toothpick (shiny teeth).
37. Spend time with a kid.
38. Give yourself a treat every day of your quit - not matter how small.
39. Spend an hour filling the paddling pool in the garden on a gorgeous sunny day, only to find that the kids would rather play on the computer.
40. Play several games of Internet Scrabble, and hopefully win one!
41. Walk in an old graveyard with the man you love.
42. Get your jammies on early, and park yourself in front of your computer for the night.
43. Build a REAL closet
44. Hang the sheetrock on said closet.
45. Do the mudding, taping and sanding on that closet.
46. Paint the closet.
47. Add the doors to the closet.
48. And last...when the real closet is finished, create THE CHOCOLATE CLOSET on this site.
49. Hang on dearly to a caramel apple sucker.
50. Sing loudly.
51. Practice smiling in the mirror (releases endorphins)!
52. Make lists of pros and cons of smoking.
53. Find gross smoking disease pictures.
54. Play with Silly Putty.
55. Whistle "Don't Worry - Be Happy."
56. Get a camera, and take some pictures.
57. Write a letter (you know...on paper).
58. Clean OUT the closets.
59. Crank up the radio and sing at the top of your lungs (works great for driving craves).
60. Crank up the radio and dance like no one is watching. 61. Make a puzzle.
62. Organize your boxes of pictures.
63. Alphabetize your CD rack.
64. Come here and read and post.
65. Go to miniclip.com and PLAY GAMES.
66. Do your nails. Hard to smoke with wet nails. I've tried.
67. Take a shower.
68. Take a candle-lit bath.
69. Clean out a messy drawer.
70. Take a day trip.
71. Try making home-made candles or soap.
72. Run in place.
73. Do some jumping jacks.
74. Start a reward fund - put away the amount you spend on smokes every day and use it to treat yourself once in awhile.
75. Write a poem.
76. Go antique shopping.
77. Go plant a flower for every negative thought.
78. Go to church/talk to God.
79. Let your husband cook supper for you.
80. Call your Grandmother!
81. Paint a room.
82. Eat a hot fudge sundae.
83. Go play mini-golf.
84. Clean the basement or garage.
85. Wax the car.
86. Make love with your significant other.
87. Scrub the floor.
88. Treat yourself to a massage.
89. Chop up some veggies for a stir-fry - keep your hands busy!
90. Clean out the litter box.
91. Check your car's tire pressure.
92. Call a radio show and request a song.
93. Go ride a few rollercoasters.
94. Take a walk in nature.
95. Watch the sun set.
96. Write a goodbye letter to cigarettes
97. Donate blood.
98. Color your hair.
99. Make a greeting card.
100. Write a list of things you are grateful for

 

source: Terry Martin, verywell.com

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