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8 Posts authored by: Thomas3.20.2010
Thomas3.20.2010

Newbie Advice

Posted by Thomas3.20.2010 Jul 5, 2018

We have a saying here that I first heard from my friend indingrl.01.06.2011

Take what you like

And leave the rest...

to be helpful is our only goal!

 

We don't all agree, In fact we agreeably disagree on many, many things.

For example: once an addict always an addict.

Or you have to want to quit for it to work. 

Or NRTs vs. Cold Turkey vs. Smart Turkey.

Take your time to learn before you quit

vs. Quit Today! And fill your quit time with knowledge.

Commiserate with a relapser vs. Tough Love.

 

Well, this is just a small sample of how we each have our own opinions. And I can understand how this might be confusing to a newbie but in actuality, it's this diversity that makes our Community so dynamic!

 

The final word is yours! It's your Quit Journey. It's your LIFE! It's your Recovery - which means reclaiming yourself and starts out by not following anybody else's opinion more than your Own! By listening to various points of view you know what your options are. I have a saying - if you don't know that you have a choice - well, you don't! This diversity gives you choices!

 

Own your Quit! 

Thomas3.20.2010

Become

Posted by Thomas3.20.2010 Sep 30, 2017

The name of this Website is BecomeanEX. At first I didn't get it. I thought it was just another name because nobody could think of a better one. 

Now, I believe there was a ton of science behind this name: Become an EX!

Becoming is a process!

It doesn't happen in one day or with one decision. It happens with perseverance, persistence, and willingness to become but also a vision. In order to become we make a clear image of what we are aiming to become - giving us a direction, a goal and end game. Otherwise how do you know where you're going?

This may be confusing to a Nicotine Addict - because they still look at what they're giving up - they sometimes don't see where they're going but it's vital to your success to envision where you're going and what it will look like once you get there! Your vision may not be perfect or play out exactly the way you expect but it is your Road Map!

Now that you know what you think EX-Smoker looks like - how it feels, how it lives - the next step is to Fake-it-till-you-make-it! It's uncomfortable, it feels dishonest, it's foreign - outside of my comfort zone! Even professionals who get a promotion go through this stage of becoming. They feel like a fraud, a phony, an imposter and hold their breath that they aren't discovered! But this is the transition of becoming! So when you're in No-Man's-Land expect to feel uncomfortable, recognize that it is normal, and just keep going!

Now comes the next stage, believe! You don't just wake up one day and think, "I believe I'm an EXer!" It's hard work! You may or may not experience belief as a light bulb moment. Or you may just slowly realize that you're not faking anymore - you really are that person you created in your mind all those days ago. Well, maybe not exactly - in some ways you're even better than that image! But you have definitely arrived! Belief is taking a step into the unknown. There will be questions: "How do I know I will like the person I am becoming?" There comes a time when you mentally shift  your thinking knowing that I am the Master of my own Destiny! The decisions I make every single moment of every single day define who I am - and Our Creator gave us mere humans the right and FREE will to decide! Decision is one of the many things we willingly gave away to our Addiction. Now we reclaim it for ourselves! Decision is the ultimate Personal Power! 

You have become!

It all sounds so linear but it isn't!  Every single day of Recovery, every shift in our mentality creates a new vision, a new process of adjusting our fake-it-till-you-make-it, a new illumination of, "I get it!", a new belief in the possible! A new reaching out to fulfill our God given potential - to become the best me I can imagine. That's the process and it gloriously never ends! Becoming is such a powerful word! Subtly it's loaded with all of these messages and even more. This just represents what - so far - I have been able to capture after 7 1/2 Years of Becoming an EX! I look forward with enthusiasm to discovering even more secrets to becoming! I pray that this process will last a lifetime! In fact, I believe it will! I wouldn't have it any other way!

Become anEX!

Thomas3.20.2010

Quititude

Posted by Thomas3.20.2010 Jan 21, 2016

Have you noticed that some of us seem to have a smoother time getting through those first challenging weeks of our Quit Journey? Often they’re the folks on the true Quit Journey for LIFE! I call this mind set Quititude!

Quititude doesn’t just come naturally – it’s a learned behavior! That’s good news! If I can learn it, I can acquire it! Some of us learn at different rates or in different ways but we all have the ability to learn!

Here are some suggestions that might help you with your quititude:

As often as possible throughout your day, take a moment to celebrate an activity or a thought related to your new smoke FREE status such as, " I love how delicious my food is tasting," "I love how wonderful the air is smelling," "I love the compliments and support I get from the people in my life," or "I love this brand new day of smoke FREE living." These sincere reflections of appreciation immediately will bring you into perfect alignment with the Creator of your Being and enhance your Values.

When you acknowledge these gifts and EXpress your Appreciation for Smoke FREEDOM, you will begin to change energetically, and it will influence every aspect of your Quit Journey. By practicing Quititude, you begin to have a relationship with the true essence of who you are and everyone who is within your sphere will benefit from your appreciation, even the naysayers! As you accept support graciously, more support comes your way!

By living with an awareness of Quititude, you are open to appreciating the element of Love in all things beginning with your Divine Source and yourself. As it touches every area of your life, it cultivates well-being and happiness, and when expressed around others, it brings about an increased level of peace, optimism, confidence and empathy. Quititude is not only a great virtue for successful addiction recovery, but the person who exhibits Quititude will benefit many people around them.

How do you cultivate a sense of appreciation every day? Just by saying the words “Thank You” out loud, you fortify and grow more Quititude! Work at practicing and remembering to give thanks and gratitude as often as possible and even plan it into your daily routine. Every morning, before getting out of bed, Thank God for another Smoke FREE Day! While going about preparations for the day send out an intentional thought of Gratitude for Recovery. Let the Universe know that you are grateful and appreciative for letting you have another opportunity to learn, understand and perhaps influence another person and hopefully change a life for the better.

How can you grow by incorporating Quititude into your daily agenda? First, it enables you to acknowledge the positive aspects of your quit, whether it is clean living, health or even opportunities to view something from a different point of view. It can assist you in putting things in perspective. When you have a negative thought such as "I really wish I could smoke right now," Quititude can spin that thought into "I am happy that I don’t have to smoke in order to deal with life on life’s terms." Whenever you look at quitting as hard and difficult, instead think of it as exciting and challenging. Start to perceive obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow, and change and improve.

When you emanate an attitude of Quititude, it is the same vibration as the energy of Love. When you practice a mindset of appreciation, you will let go of doubt and fear and live in the presence of everything that feels right and good. The act of giving thanks will make you feel good, and this feeling is your soul's way of letting you know that Abundant Smoke FREE Living  is how you really are meant to live. As you live with Quittitude, your view of the World and yourself will completely change and your circumstances, situations and relationships are forever altered.

When you practice Quititude, you see everything in your life as a miracle and you become aware of how many opportunities and possibilities are before you. You look at the things that are rich and positive instead of poor and fearful. It strengthens your body, mind and soul, and you will begin to attract those situations and people into your life that are also positive and soul-enriching.

Look around you today and acknowledge everything about Living Smoke FREE  for which you are grateful. And give Thanks to the Almighty!

It started with a decision: I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired! I no longer want to be in the 70% of smokers who want to quit – I want to be in the 6% who really have quit!

 

For that decision to become a reality requires that you develop a series of habits and activities that become second nature and will keep you moving in the right direction. Attitude feeds action and action feeds attitude!

 

You also need to prepare yourself for the tough moments. The first days you probably expect that but what about Month 2? Are you preparing to confront the no Man’s Land challenges during Months 2 – 4? Your chances of becoming an EX increase much more once you get past Month 4.

 

What To Expect In The First Four Months 

 

And we’re not there yet! 6% refers to those who launch a quit and see it through an entire Year! Don’t like those numbers? Here’s the good news:

 

It is absolutely within your ability to become a 6%er regardless of how long you smoked, how many packs a day, messy life stuff. You can make it happen!

 

Victories don’t only happen with milestones and calendar days. They are built on true challenges to your resolve! Your inner Nico-Voice knows that (and is probably screaming right now because of it!) Each victory makes more challenges less frequent and less intense – for me, that’s a huge motivator to get to the other side NO MATTER WHAT!

 

Here’s some techniques that will help you make it:

 

Ritualize:

 

Smoking is a ritual – from counting how many Sickerettes you have left to never losing your lighter. Now it’s time to start a new set of rituals. Coming here every day to BLOG is a great ritual. Reading at

 

The Easy Way

 

quitsmokingonline.com

 

And whyquit.com

 

is also very helpful.

 

Making Daily Pledges is a wonderful ritual. Our Community has made it easy for you. Just hop on this link:

 

Take the Daily Pledge 

 

Cleaning you teeth, your house, your car can be ritual. Drinking 8 cups of water a day, eating 6 times a day, walking 10 minutes 3 times a day can all support your quit with ritual. Mindful breathing can relieve your cravings ritualistically.

 

These are just a few Examples of how to ritualize your Quit Journey. You can do any or all of these and add your own.

 

Recognize your cravings:

 

Ignoring cravings doesn’t help. Recognizing them while deciding to change your focus leads to success. When it gets to be day three and you’re debating whether tobuy a pack or borrow a Sickerette, recognize what’s going on. Learn to say to yourself, “I’m facing a craving.” Recognizing this is like taking the blindfold off before the fight begins. Now you know that you have the option to fight or to calmly walk away and focus on your alternative list. “What can I do instead?” Each victory makes winning the next one easier.

 

Smoking is not an Option (SINAO):

 

 

 

Unlike other “bad habits” such as binge watching Netflix or biting your fingernails, smoking is ADDICTIVE! So you’re doing more than breaking a habit.  Therefore, smoking even one single puff ever is simply not an option!

 

1 = 1 million!

 

Around here we say: N.O.P.E. Not One Puff Ever! Any other approach is a recipe for failure! Coach yourself through a craving by asking these two questions:

 

 1) How will I feel if I beat this craving? and

 

2) How will I feel if I lose it?

 

 This brings emotion into the process, and emotion promotes action.

 

Mindfully imagine the feeling of accomplishment, the pride and confidence you gained, the self-empowerment from knowing you can beat this! You can turn craving into victory. Relish the process from beginning to end when you know that you beat another craving. Review through your mind how your total body is healing all the way from your mouth to lungs, from your heart to your Brain, from your blood to your skin. See yourself celebrating with your buddies and family. Tell them how hard it was and how you did it!

 

 Feel it happening – right now!

 

 Mindfully go through the entire process of going to the store, saying those words, placing your hard earned money on the counter, going to a smoking area, feeling the stares of strangers who judge or pity you, unwrapping the package, putting the Death Stick in your mouth, lighting the end and taking that first puff. Clearly imagine the feeling of the smoke hitting the back of your throat, travelling down your bronchioles, entering your lungs rushing through your heart to your blood stream and hitting your brain. Even allow yourself to envision that false hit of dopamine.

 

image

 

But don’t stop there! Feel the guilt and shame! The sense of loss and frustration of failure! Imagine telling your family that once again, you let them down, you let yourself down! Feel the disgust at the whole dirty habit!

 

If you can imagine that you are no longer a smoker, you’re going to feel good about yourself and probably a lot healthier. If you’re still smoking, you’ll probably feel like a failure, or at least experience negative emotions that come with not meeting your goal. In either case, negative or positive emotions are powerful motivators that will help you become a success.

 

 

 

See Yourself in the Future:

 

 

 

Take thirty seconds and, in great detail, think about where your life will be in five years if you consistently stay smoke FREE. Be honest and let yourself feel the benefits of constantly beating your Addiction.

 

 

 

 Then, go through the same process and suffer the feelings of defeat after giving up on your Quit Journey. How much you’ve embraced these techniques will determine the outcome.

 

 

 

Let’s assume you’ve joined the 6% Club, a new lifestyle has become a regular part of your existence, and smoking and quitting no longer feel like things you have to intentionally remember or push yourself to do. It’s normal to feel proud, but keep your guard up. Common traps can send you into relapse. Check out Giulia’s very comprehensive Relapse Traps Group:

 

Relapse Prevention 

 

 

 

Do you want to jump through the same hoops over and over again, each time a little more discouraged, a little less confident? Do you want to convince yourself that you can’t do it and will die a Smoker?

 

 

 

OR do you want to get it right the first time? The choice really is YOURS! We want to support your Quit Journey right through the 6% Club and beyond! We want to see you celebrating this time next Year your Smoke FREE Victory!

 

 

 

You may wonder just how many of us have actually done this. Well, here’s the list of active members who belong to the 6% Club and beyond. Next Year you could be there too!

 

 

 

Chronological Elder List 

 

image

 

 

 

.

Thomas3.20.2010

Diversity

Posted by Thomas3.20.2010 Aug 14, 2015

The United States of America was built by a diverse group of people. The strength, resilience, and richness of the United States of America are based on the diversity of its citizens. Everyone is equal in worth, and is entitled to the same privileges and opportunities regardless of their age, national origin, disability, gender, or race. Each of us has our own unique background and talents.

Diversity creates a Community that is enriched with people from different cultures and that have different experiences, lifestyles, backgrounds, perspectives, and ideas. A diverse Community:

·         recognizes and values talent.

·         eliminates barriers and ensures that all members are treated fairly and have the chance to reach their maximum potential.

·         encourages the exchange of ideas which not only broadens the scope of problem solving, but also improves the possibility that the problems will be solved.

 

 

Ours is a Diverse Community and that's an integral aspect of what makes it so effective in achieving SUCCESS!!! We don't always see eye to eye but we have RESPECT for each other!

 I don't always agree with "tough love" and I don't always agree with moddly coddling, either!

 Each contact I have with a new member is based on my own experience. I bring to the table my diagnosis of COPD (even when I don't mention it!), my SUCCESS, my personality! It can hardly be otherwise.

 It's for the Newbie to take what is useful to them and leave the rest from all the comments and advice they receive!

I disagree that there are any few people in control of what goes on here! The Elders are no more significant than any other member. We have our unique personalities, motivations, ways and means of Extending support to others. We all have equal opportunity to add our own input.

 I've seen many, many, members come and go, some drifting in and out. It's only natural that we are drawn to some members more than others. And time online is a commodity.

 I most often center on folks with COPD and then on other members who I feel are open to the Fantastic Change which is necessary to become a true EX.

That's because my quits in the past have been for Months even Years but not sincere! I was just borrowing time, "cleaning out my lungs so I can smoke some more!" So I know the difference! I Know that's just not good enough!

You bring your own talents, experience and personality to your Comments! Each of us contributes something that may help that individual make the ultimate decision - to live addiction FREE!

 I would like to remind you so you don't get depressed that as you see folks come and go, remember that you have no idea how many mustard seeds you are planting on the way! Maybe that person will come back later or maybe somebody else read that Comment to So-and-So and took it to heart!

 I think we'd all be surprised at how many people are lurking, reading everything but choose to remain out of the limelight!

Finally, contribute what you have and respect that other contributor, too! We all make this Community a Great Place to be and most important SUCCESSFUL!

The minute we decide to quit smoking our Addictive Minds crank up into full gear. They have one simple objective – OUR NEXT FIX! They may look very different but the goal is always the same. How long they pester your quit journey depends on YOU!

 

Some folks refer to Addictive Minds as Nicodemons but they’re really only speaking of a part of themselves.

 

 Addictive Thoughts are often referred to as cravings. I personally like to reframe the word craving as Addictive Thought because it has less power over me. Craving seems somehow relentless, irresistible, undeniable.

 

Addictive thought sounds like what it is – just a thought and I get to decide to obey the thought or diss it – kick it to the curb!

 

Fusion is a blending or melding together of a thought and the thing it refers to –the story and the event. For Example, “I want a cigarette” or “I’m going to relapse.”

 

In a state of fusion, it seems as if:

 

*Thoughts are reality

 

*Thoughts are the truth

 

*Thoughts are important

 

*Thoughts are orders

 

*Thoughts are wise

 

*Thoughts can be threats

 

Defusion allows us to relate to thoughts in a new way, so they have much less impact and influence.

 

Become the witness to your thoughts. Examine them with kindness and curiosity.

 

Here are some ways to defuse your thoughts:

 

(1)    Take the statement “ I want a cigarette.” Now say it this way out loud, “I’m having the thought that I want a cigarette.”

 

Now make the statement, “I notice that I’m having the thought that I want a cigarette.”

 

It feels a lot less loaded, doesn’t it?

 

image

 

(2)    Now take the same thought and sing it to the tune of Happy Birthday.

 

“I want a cigarette right now!

 

I want a cigarette right now!

 

I want a cigarette, I want a cigarette!

 

I want a cigarette right now!”

 

That one always makes me laugh out loud!

 

image

 

(3)    Give your craving a name:  “Here comes the ol’” I gotta have a cigarette” story, again!"

 

You’ll begin to recognize that your thoughts are just that – a story!

 

 

(4)    Rename the object or event: “I want a dead leaf wrapped in paper and dipped into 7000 deadly chemicals.”

 

I like the short version: “I want a sickerette.” Sounds pretty ridiculous, right?

 

 

(5)    Thank your Mind: “Thank You, Mind, for reminding me how much I want to be Free from Addiction.

 

Addictive Thoughts (cravings, remember?) remind us that we’re in the healing process of a very challenging Addiction.

 

image

 

(6)    The Funny Voice Technique:  Pick an animated cartoon character such as Mickey Mouse, Shrek, or Homer Simpson. Hear the character say the thought that’s bothering you.

 

My favorite is Daffy Duck!

 

Notice that you haven’t tried to change the thought, get rid of it, argue with it, push it away, debate with it , distract from it or replace it.

 

You have merely seen it for what it is: a string of words passing through your head. When you defuse your Addictive Thoughts, you recognize that:

 

*Thoughts are merely sounds, words, stories, or bits of language.

 

*Thoughts may or may not be true; we don’t have to automatically believe them.

 

*Thoughts may or may not be important. We can choose to pay attention only if they’re helpful.

 

*Thoughts are definitely not orders; we certainly don’t have to obey them.

 

*Thoughts may or may not be wise.

 

*Thoughts are never threats – they can’t make me smoke!

 

 

 

So how can you tell whether a thought is an Addictive Thought? If you’re not sure, you can ask yourself:

 

*Does it help me to become the person I want to be?

 

*Does it help me to build the sort of relationships I’d like in my life?

 

*Does it help me to connect with what I truly value?

 

*Does it help me, in the long term, to create a rich, full, and meaningful life?

 

OR

 

Does it lead me right back into the Addiction I’ve been trying so hard to let go of?

 

Defuse from your Addictive Thoughts and you’ll have more of an opportunity for Freedom from being driven by them. You’ll get control of your own steering wheel for a change!

 

[Resource: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris]

Have you "tried your best to fight the craves and can't seem to win?" Are you sitting there scratching your head about what went wrong and feeling like you can "never win?" I'll tell you something I learned Thanks to the Elders who helped me launch the adventure of my lifetime - Smoke FREE Living! 

I came here like most of us not knowing anything about Nicotine Addiction and was told to read and I did! It really helped but there was this guy who I thought was goofy (Thank Goodness I now know that he was spot on!) His name is James and his moniker is the Happy Quitter! ....Say what? what's there to be happy about? Strong, yes! Determined, yes! Stubborn, fierce, a fighter! But happy??? As I thought about it, something really clicked and the light bulb came on! 

 

image

 

I had been fighting the Nico-Demon with willpower! What could be more effective than that? But I was missing the essential...The Nico-Demon is ME!!!!!

image

So when I was fighting myself, how could I win without losing??? And guess what, the loser had been the part that wanted to be FREE! You can't be FREE when you're fighting!!!! 

This fellow James had something - something I really, really wanted! he was not just Quit - He was Happy being Quit! 

So how do you handle the craves if you don't fight??? What do you do instead? 

There's a fellow here named Tommy who repeatedly told me to use Focus and Determination. Could I combine these 2 great pieces of advice? Think about Focus for a minute....

 

image

 

When you focus with determination instead of fighting with determination, the whole picture changes! I had changed my perspective! The Nico-demon became more blurry, less important and the object of my Focus increased in POWER - the POWER to WIN! And what was that very important object of my FOCUS?

 

image

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE! FREEDOM!

FREEDOM from the Chains of Addiction! 

FREEDOM to be the ME that my Creator made me to be!

FREEDOM from pain, suffering, illness, devastation!

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize and ignore the Nico-Demon - but don't fight Him because HE IS ME! Just Focus on the Prize! Will He scream for attention? Oh yea! But when you ignore Him long enough, He loses energy - your Energy is on your Prize! And He gets weaker....and weaker...and weaker...and becomes a little bitty gnat that once in a great while bugs you but you easily have the POWER to swat Him back into His place ...so tiny! So worthless! 

 

   
  

 

  
   

image

   

AND YOU WIN!

  
Thomas3.20.2010

DIVERSITY

Posted by Thomas3.20.2010 Jun 6, 2011

The United States of America was built by a diverse group of people. The strength, resilience, and richness of the United States of America are based on the diversity of its citizens. Everyone is equal in worth, and is entitled to the same privileges and opportunities regardless of their age, national origin, disability, gender, or race. Each of us has our own unique background and talents.

Diversity creates a Community that is enriched with people from different cultures and that have different experiences, lifestyles, backgrounds, perspectives, and ideas. A diverse Community:

      
  • recognizes and values talent.
  •   
  • eliminates barriers and ensures that all members are treated fairly and have the chance to reach their maximum potential.
  •   
  • encourages the exchange of ideas which not only broadens the scope of problem solving, but also improves the possibility that the problems will be solved.

Ours is a Diverse Community and that's an integral aspect of what makes it so effective in achieving SUCCESS!!! We don't always see eye to eye but we have RESPECT for each other! I don't always agree with "tough love" and I don't always agree with moddly coddling, either! Each contact I have with a new member is based on my own experience. I bring to the table my diagnosis of COPD (even when I don't memtion it!), my SUCCESS, my personality! It can hardly be otherwise. It's for the Newbie to take what is useful to them and leave the rest from all the comments and advice they receive! I disagree that there are any few people in control of what goes on here! We all have equal opportunity to add our own input. I've seen many, many, members come and go, some drifting in and out. It's only natural that we are drawn to some members more than others. And time online is a commodity. I most often center on folks with COPD and then on other members who I feel are open to the Fantastic Change which is necessary to become a true EX. That's because my quits in the past have been for Months even Years but not sincere! I was just borrowing time, "cleaning out my lungs so I can smoke some more!" So I know the difference! I Know that's just not good enough! You bring your own talents, experience and personality to your Comments! Each of us contributes something that may help that individual make the ultimate decision - to live addiction FREE! I would like to remind you so you don't get depressed that as you see folks come and go, remember that you have no idea how many mustard seeds you are planting on the way! Maybe that person will come back later or maybe somebody else read that Comment to So-and-So and took it to heart! I think we'd all be surprised at how many people are lurking, reading everything but choose to remain out of the limelight! Finally, contribute what you have and respect that other contributor, too! We all make this Community a Great Place to be and most important SUCCESSFUL!

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