cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Read a member curated list of EX Community content over 10+ years

Those days of wonder

Remember that first day that you really entertained the idea of quitting? If you’re like me, the main thing noticed on that day was an intense and in reality, unfocused fear just at the thought of it. A kind of shudder in the deepest parts of our very beings. And from that feeling, we usually hit a wall for a while. I mean to an addict, the idea of giving up the main thing that that our entire life revolves around is perceived as an impossible task, and it takes a bit of time to turn that thought into a reality.

The thing is all we had to do was THINK about quitting and  suddenly there it was. The first experience with the internal argument. The moment I thought about quitting, it was like I’d just turned my entire world upside down! I didn’t even notice that argument in the background at first simply because I still smoked. Simply because once again, I hadn’t yet acted on the thought.

A few days later, when I’d finally convinced myself that I was going to do this and picked a date and started tracking my cigarettes, the infamous internal argument became more intense. When I decided that I was no longer going to smoke when I drove (one of my biggest triggers), the voice began telling me how hard it would be to concentrate and the voice was correct because rather than thinking about my driving, I was listening to this maddening internal voice telling me that something was wrong. Something was missing.

This was the first time I began listening to that voice, and it appeared to actually be a kind of whisper always in the background and at the same time it seemed to be more of an impulse then a thought. I looked deeper and realised that I was the one giving these impulses a voice. That I was deciphering them into the internal argument that we all feel. I think it was how my mind made sense of these impulses. By giving them a voice.

Over time, I found that conversing with this voice was a good way to get the impulses or urges to stop, or at least to lesson in intensity. I named these impulses the addict within and when those urges were the strongest and I could focus on what I saw as a screaming toddler throwing a temper tantrum, they seemed to become less intense.

And there were times when I used visualization to see my journey as something tangible. Something with a defined beginning and end. As many of you already know, I called that journey Mt. Freedom. Also over the course of my quit, I learned to assess my mood upon waking and if my mood wasn’t the most productive for the coming day, I’d close my eyes again and use visualization to go to a quiet place of my own creation. And this is something I still use to this day to keep my day a positive one.

There were so many changes that I had make both internally and externally in order to change my life for the better and you know what? I still use all of these things every day of my life! My preparation was much more than preparing to quit. It was also preparing to live a new life.

This is why I’ve always considered those first days. Those learning days; days of wonder. I know if you’re in the middle of a quit, you might not see these first hard days as days of wonder but you will!

As the addiction calms within our minds and we begin to see the incredible and positive changes to our world. When we can look back at what we’ve created and achieved without fear of relapse. This is when we can see that our quit was indeed an incredible journey experienced in all levels of our psych. This is when we can see that what we chose to do on that first day would end up creating so much more within us that we get to keep forever!

So the next time you feel like this is all a waste of time. The next time that you think that quitting is just to hard. Try to remember that change can be amazing! And yes life can be wonderful! All it takes is a desire to see it, to experience it. To dream it and fight for it!

And when it’s all over and you can look back with a confident smile on your face. That’s when you’ll know that those first hard days really were wonderful.

Fight on my friends! Fight on! I know it’s worth it and it won’t be long before you know it too . . .

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck

Tags (1)
19 Replies
elvan
Member

HELPFUL, HELPFUL, HELPFUL!  I remember those first days...I remember getting in the car and putting the keys in the ignition and then actually asking myself..."NOW what?"  When I look back at the beginning and the fog I was in and the ridiculous things I learned about myself, I have to laugh.  I wanted to quit for a long time and I TRIED more than once but until I found EX and really did everything that I was told to do...I was a lost person.  I have really enjoyed most of this journey...I just wish I had started it much earlier.  I remember quitting without any real preparation and seeing people driving and smoking and there was this resentful person inside of me who just wanted to ram their cars...I was SO ANGRY that they "could" smoke...little did I know that they, like me, HAD to smoke.  This journey is worth every step, even the hard ones.

Thanks for another brilliant blog, Chuck.

Ellen

A.N.N.
Member

I too remember those first days...LOL!!!

I think I didn't allow myself to hear the voices and fears, until after I quit. I had lived in denial for so long... If I allowed myself to think about all that could happen, how could I keep smoking??? The addiction is SO very strong! I think that part of how I feel today, is just aware. Aware of how lucky I am, that I can do all that I can, in spite of the 40 years of smoking. Yes I started at 14. How freaking stupid is that!  A little (or a lot depending on the day) scared, of what could be ahead. Grateful, that I can quit running and avoiding the voices, (AKA intuition) in my head. 

I promised myself at the beginning of this year in my quest for joy, that I would face the hard stuff and my fears. Some might wonder how that would lead to Joy?! But for me, without facing those things, the joy wouldn't be real.

Ann 

38 DOF

Mandolinrain
Member

We need a HELPFUL button for this blog!

Deena-A-Yenni
Member

Agreed.

Another great insight Chuck!

I remember being out of work and going to a friends every day to play guitar for 10 hours

Staying busy and getting the dopamine from playing was my biggest help.

I learned so much about how to handle what was going on when I got a craving like making the craves a game of "gotcha" and laughing about them.

MarilynH
Member

Thank you Chuck for sharing this great awe inspiring thought provoking blog post with all of us WOW I really wish blogs had a helpful button because I'd be tapping on it right now but I'll have to settle for the like button instead.....

Giulia
Member

Bookmarked!  Fabulous blog.

Helpful Thumbs Up.PNG

JonesCarpeDiem I'm sure you could never guess how I got through those early days of my quit. For me, I found relief with writing and because of this my quit journal is over five thousand pages long. In fact, I refer to it often and it's given me a wealth of insight I'd have never had so I'm really glad I wrote it.

 I think I wrote in a blog the other day how I discovered the laughter and that you were right all along, way back in the first days of my quit when you tried to show me. My quit might have been easier had I listened to you then, but in the end I found your wisdom in my own way and try to pass it along every chance I get. And if I haven't told you before - THANKS!!! 

I'm glad you pass it on.

I hope our insight and suggestions are forever passed on. These suggestions can be the frustration savers