EX Community

stephanie1067 · ‎05-27-2017

Dear Cigarettes -

You were my first love when I was 17. Very quickly after our first couple of dates, I became addicted to you. I actually, as a young girl, felt sexy with you and loved having you by my side and in my company. You gave me confidence at first and and made me feel mature. I loved how you felt between my fingers and the rush you would give me after being apart for a short time. It seemed like so many of my friends and family were in similar relationships and they were all fine. What was good for my grandparents and my father and my best friends was certainly good for me also. So I became more and more attached as we spend more time together. I had to have you the minute I woke up, every time I got in the car or on the phone, we spent time together after meals and enjoyed each others company during the relaxing quiet of the evening. We became the best of lovers, or so I thought......

Fairly quickly into this relationship, I must say, I began to feel that you were not right for me. I'm not sure why it has taken me 30 plus years to be honest with you about this. I have hung on for so long but felt more and more like an outcast for being with you as time went on. Having to sneak away to be with you when others have the freedom of just staying put. Having to rush out on a dinner or a visit or meaningful time spent with my kids. You have taken over my mind and I can't enjoy a movie or a vacation or a trip to the zoo or the park or anything wonderful without wondering when we can be together again and how long I can last without you. I feel like my mental health suffers from being with you because I am in a constant state of worry each time we're together. Will I have a heart attack? Will I develop cancer? Will I end up on oxygen not being able to breath? What color are my lungs? What is that little pain I have today in my back or yesterday in my chest? I have seen you take the life a my aunt and my best friends sister. I have realized that my kids viewing me in hospice on my death bed is NOT something I am willing to put up with for being in a relationship with you.

It has been very hard the past 13 days that we have been separated. I have mourned you and felt alone and quiet and nervous and anxious. I have cried and complained and become depressed. But then I have also caught myself smiling at something and realizing I will be happy again. It's like being reborn and learning happiness will still exist without you. Life will go on and be better with out you and be a lot longer without you. I have felt jealous of seeing others get to be with you until I realized you are just easy and will go with anyone and I bet my lungs are looking a lot healthier than theirs. So I am here to tell you I am taking this separation to the next level and dumping you for good and forever!

This is where I say good bye!

Stephanie

gregp136 · ‎05-27-2017

That is Beautiful, Stephanie! And you are doing it! Congratulations on 13 days of freedom!

Greg

Mandolinrain · ‎05-27-2017

That is a wonderful blog Stephanie! Love the storyline that rings so true for so many of us. I love blogs like this!

Congrats on near two weeks! Good job! Keep Blogging!!!

elvan · ‎05-27-2017

Excellent blog, Stephanie, a great idea to write that letter and keep it close by! Congratulations on your nearly two weeks! Good for you!

Ellen

SkyGirl · ‎05-27-2017

Great letter, Stephanie! Print that out, fold it up, stick it in your purse/pocket and carry it with you ALL the time. When an urge to smoke comes over you, take some long slow cleansing breaths and then pull out that letter and read it. Read it out loud if you are alone. (Or not, but if not, be prepared for some strange looks!!).

It's REALLY important to KEEP reinforcing, to yourself, over and over, the reasons that you want to beat your nicotine addiction.

I would also recommend that you create a list of all the GOOD things that will grow in your life as a result of quitting. Things like: "My hair will smell fresh", "I will save $xx per day", "I will not be ashamed of myself", "I will gain XX minutes per day (5 minutes per cigarette smoked multiplied by the number of cigarettes you used to smoke each day) to do whatever I want with!".

I recommend the "good things" list because you can't just dwell on the bad crap you are getting rid of. Your brain can sometimes twist that around to sound like you are making sacrifices by not smoking. (Our brains can be our greatest ally when quitting, but they can also be our greatest enemy if we don't use our brains to our advantage.)

So keep your "Goodbye" letter with you. And keep your list of "Gains and Good Things" with you, also. Alternate reading them when you feel like you can't remember why quitting is so important to you.

Stephanie, you are going to be fine. Lean on us. We've already done what you are now doing. We are not just Talking Heads! We can help you get to the other side of nicotine addiction. We can help you find your freedom!

xxxxooo, Sky

vanlil · ‎05-27-2017

Yeah I sure can identify. My favorite Psalm is the 23rd. Psalm. I reworded it "The Lord is my Cigarette - I always want, etc." I smoked for 62 years............today 343 dof............

Now "The Lord is my Shepherd

Amen"

shashort · ‎05-27-2017

Great blog and farwell blog to those nasty stinky things. Congratulations on 13 days of your new life of freedom. I like the idea of farewell letter although I didn't write one but I wrote all my reasons down, and the personal gains I would have after quitting and read those over and over through craves. It does help to see the positive of quitting. Doing grear and remember NOPE! and you will go far.

bookee6 · ‎05-28-2017

Stephanie as I read you letter I felt like I was hearing my life. I am on day 18 and love the new me. it has been hard but worth every struggle. I even started laughing when I get a cig pang and say to myself.... silly girl that is NOT what we do that is what the old girl did.. congrats on your 13 days and cheers to a lifetime of freedom.

JACKIE1-25-15 · ‎05-28-2017

YAY!!!!!

stephanie1067 · ‎05-28-2017

Thank you all so much for all the positive support and feedback. A friend of mine was addicted to drugs about 12 years ago. I went to visit her in rehab and she told me she had written a letter to her drug of choice saying good bye. That helped her a lot and along with her rehab and meetings she has been clean and sober ever since. So I figured nicotine is a drug, right? It's no different. I thought I'd try it. Was having a hard time last night and after I wrote that I felt so much better. Blogging really does work!! Thanks again!

2 weeks today!!! Congratulations to all of you on your quit time also! I'm so glad we all have each other.