Skip navigation
All Places > Best of EX > Blog > 2017 > May

Dear Cigarettes -

Posted by stephanie1067 May 27, 2017

Dear Cigarettes - 


You were my first love when I was 17.  Very quickly after our first couple of dates, I became addicted to you.  I actually, as a young girl, felt sexy with you and loved having you by my side and in my company.  You gave me confidence at first and and made me feel mature.  I loved how you felt between my fingers and the rush you would give me after being apart for a short time.  It seemed like so many of my friends and family were in similar relationships and they were all fine.  What was good for my grandparents and my father and my best friends was certainly good for me also. So I became more and more attached as we spend more time together.  I had to have you the minute I woke up, every time I got in the car or on the phone, we spent time together after meals and enjoyed each others company during the relaxing quiet of the evening.  We became the best of lovers, or so I thought......


Fairly quickly into this relationship, I must say, I began to feel that you were not right for me.  I'm not sure why it has taken me 30 plus years to be honest with you about this.  I have hung on for so long but felt more and more like an outcast for being with you as time went on.  Having to sneak away to be with you when others have the freedom of just staying put.  Having to rush out on a dinner or a visit or meaningful time spent with my kids. You have taken over my mind and I can't enjoy a movie or a vacation or a trip to the zoo or the park or anything wonderful without wondering when we can be together again and how long I can last without you.  I feel like my mental health suffers from being with you because I am in a constant state of worry each time we're together.  Will I have a heart attack?  Will I develop cancer?  Will I end up on oxygen not being able to breath?  What color are my lungs?  What is that little pain I have today in my back or yesterday in my chest?  I have seen you take the life a my aunt and my best friends sister.  I have realized that my kids viewing me in hospice on my death bed is NOT something I am willing to put up with for being in a relationship with you. 


It has been very hard the past 13 days that we have been separated.  I have mourned you and felt alone and quiet and nervous and anxious.  I have cried and complained and become depressed.  But then I have also caught myself smiling at something and realizing I will be happy again.  It's like being reborn and learning happiness will still exist without you.  Life will go on and be better with out you and be a lot longer without you.  I have felt jealous of seeing others get to be with you until I realized you are just easy and will go with anyone and I bet my lungs are looking a lot healthier than theirs.  So I am here to tell you I am taking this separation to the next level and dumping you for good and forever!


This is where I say good bye!




This is simply a link to the free pdf of his book which is talked about and recommended all over this site.  Wanted to make it easy to find.  What a better place than in Best of EX.



So it is Sunday night.  I am sitting on the swing.  Not really swinging, but just sitting, moving back and forth a little.  Sunday nights are like this on the playground.  The weekend is coming to an end.  People are getting ready for school or work.  Families are doing family things, and well, some of us are kinda stuffed from a big Sunday dinner. Sunday night is always a laid back kind of time.


But that is okay, because that also makes it good thinking time.


A light breeze is blowing, and with it getting only up to the mid 60’s today, well, it is a bit cool.  A few kids are on the merry go round, talking, but not going real fast.  Others are in the sandbox.  I also see some new people, hanging around the entrance.  They want to come in, but like I was, they are fearful of what being nicotine free might mean.  They are wondering if they will just fail again.  Or if coming to this playground will really help.  I remember so many things going through my head when I first entered the playground.  It seems like just yesterday.  And it also seems like years ago.


So as I sit on the swing, I think of all the differences of all of us on the playground.  We all have one thing in common.  We are addicted to nicotine.  That is where the similarities end.  We all have different reasons for wanting to quit.  We all have different things that make us want to smoke (watch out for pineapple upside down cake).  We all need different things that will help us stay on our quit.


And that is what I find to be so wonderful about this playground.  When someone comes in, everyone comes together to help.  But they all come in offering different advice.  They are all coming from different places.  The person who came in looking for help takes what they need, and leaves the rest.


And everyone is okay with that.


Let me say that again.


Everyone is okay with that.


There is no competition.  There is no concern that someone used Sally’s advice and not Rob’s.  No one cares who helped get someone through the rough times.  Everyone comes together to celebrate it regardless.


This is what makes our playground so great.  There are no egos.  It is only about helping.  I only wish the world I am normally in was as wonderful. 


And that is why, on a slow Sunday night, I am sitting on the swing.  Not really swinging, but just sitting, moving back and forth a little.

Filter Blog

By date: By tag: