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SarahP
Member

No Man's Land Weekly Blog -- The Forever Quit

We do this blog every Wednesday afternoon to offer encouragement to those in No Man’s Land -- months 2-3-4 of a quit, give or take a couple of weeks. This community has chosen to put a big, bright spotlight on NML – we’ve chased away the shadows, taken away the mystery, and put a lot of effort into bringing people in NML together. Because we understand that quitting isn’t over in a month.

Everyone who goes through NML blazes a trail for those that follow. You are not alone on this journey, and you never will be!

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This week’s topic: The Forever Quit


As you near the end of No Man’s Land (day 130 or so), it’s time to start thinking about what comes next. It’s time to start making plans and commitments about your long-term quit maintenance.


No one wakes up one morning and says “gee, I think I’ll relapse today.” No one in month 3 of a strong quit thinks their motivation will ever fade. But we hear from people all the time who relapsed after a year, 2 years, 5 years, or even longer.


I believe the root of long-term relapse is forgetting two very important lessons -- first, we forget that we cannot have just one, because for addicts like us, one always leads to one more. Second, we forget that we did not enjoy smoking. We smoked to avoid the pain of not smoking. We smoked to stop withdrawal. It wasn’t enjoyable, it didn’t taste good, and it wasn’t relaxing – those are the lies of addiction.


We learned these lessons painfully – with sweat and tears – when we quit. But as time passes it becomes easier and easier to forget, to minimize, to rationalize.


Right now you have committed to quit smoking, but have you committed to never smoke again? Two years from now when you get really bad news, or are at the beach watching the sunset and the smoker next to you says “want one?” – what will you do? Will you remember the pain of quitting?  Will you remember the lessons you learned? Will you remember how to distract/dismiss/kick it to the curb? Will NOPE (not one puff ever) still be in your heart?


Plan it, practice it, be ready for it. The lessons you are learning right now, in No Man’s Land, are the lessons you need to carry with you and never take for granted. The Forever Quit is within your reach!

                                                                                                                                                            

                                                           

 

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If you're in NML right now, speak up!  Tell us how you're doing! 

 

Click here to read the original No Man’s Land blog on Dale's page:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-da...

Tags (1)
19 Replies
constanceclum
Member

I really appreciate you posting this weekly blog. At week 3 I know it will come fast and after the struggle of going through the initial quitting process, I certainly don't want to relapse but as a recovering alcoholic, I know it happens easily when we're not on our toes.

Connie

Thanks Sarah. They need to know this. They just don;t know it yet.

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Giulia
Member

Just copied part of this into Best of EX - where it needs to be too!!!  (Hope you don't mind my truncating it)

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KJay
Member

Hi Sarah Joined here a week ago, so, fittingly, am back where I started - your weekly blog - but another week ahead. I have weeks yet to prepare for the post NML transition, so plan to make the best of it. Oddly enough - but not odd at all - is the fact that I have read many, many comments and blogs by yourself and every member who has commented on your blog here today. And I have selfishly added all of them to my friends collection during my short spell here thus far. So yesterday, at day 75 for me, I sidestepped my first NML ambush. In retrospect I am glad it happened, as it gave me an opportunity to apply some techniques and tools learned here to deflect and disarm a very seductive potential relapse situation. I am not sure what I would be writing if I was writing about a relapse ? Lots of plaintive bleatings, in essence a multi-paragraph somewhat more articulate version of a primal screen. Lots of angst to be sure. So the thought of failing is both galvanizing and horrific to me. And regarding the eternity quit Sarah, vigilance, NOPE, SINAO, and a fear/respect of this addiction of mine will help me get through NML. Alan Carr's book helped me to understand the enjoyment fantasy was just that. First things first. And to paraphrase Larry the Caravan Master , " if you take enough steps, yoi'll eventually get to where you need to go " And I first need to progress through NML, and what takes me through there can take me where I need to go, eventually. Thank you for your blog, Kjay
jonilou
Member

Happy as always to see you and this weekly post, Sarah. This can be a treacherous part of the journey but these posts are beacons to help us navigate through with education and wisdom. Thank you! 

katherineu
Member

I'm on day 70 and NML is one of the most depressing life struggle to go through.  I have to tell myself every day that NML is a temporary journey and I have to persevere or I will end up back on cigarettes and be miserable for the rest of my life.  I'm on here daily reading everyone's stories of they are smoke free and how BETTER their lives are and it gives me hope to confidently say NOPE!

I will be so glad when the day comes without feeling down and randomly crying for no reason - because lately its been bad but it doesn't trigger me to want to smoke and my cravings come and go really fast, its a weird place to in NML.

Thank you for sharing your story, it has helped me today!

It's still a week or two early but have you had a day where you haven't thought of smoking yet? This usually happens between days 80 and 100 or so.

Keep the faith

elvan
Member

It is not easy, but you ARE doing this, one day at a time, one step at a time...NML is a tricky place, I remember crying for days when I was there and I had no idea why I was crying. JonesCarpeDiem‌ said it was good for me because I was watering my cheeks.  I found that humor was a huge help when I was having a hard time.  I watched shows or movies that I knew made me laugh in the past and they did not disappoint.  Exercise helped release dopamine so that I felt better...blogging and reading posts here helped me more than I can possibly tell you.  I really cannot remember when it happened but there was a day when I did not think of smoking and I was SO HAPPY because I knew I had made progress.   When I reached 100 days, I had to work and I seriously wanted to wear a party hat but I settled for a card that I made with the EX logo that said, I have been smoke free for 100 days.  I wore it pinned to my shirt.  I got support from many people who knew it had been a struggle.  Celebrate each day of freedom that you have already achieved, there are more to come.

Best,

Ellen

katherineu
Member

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement, I so needed to hear this and I am so happy for staying smoke free and living to tell the NML tale!