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Urge to self harm.

Urge to self harm.

I've been scratching into my arm a few times - long biro lines, not breaking the skin but feel this strong physical urge to do it. Week Three today. Lots of things up in the air and financial/ living arrangement/ carreer/ family concerns here. Feeling like a failure. 

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Hummmmmmmmmmmm? First of all, you are NOT a failure. Secondly, Is this the correct site for these issues and behavioral thoughts ?

I need to process......

G..  

Well actually I think it is relevant tothe quit process, considering deleting the post though as perhaps a bit triggering. 

In all fairness I feel everyone here would like to "be there" for you....but this might be a "touchy" issue when it comes to self harm. Could you possibly share some more incite as to the "core" issues that have you struggling?

A bit overwhelming to go through in text here... in broad terms not feeling in control of my life or like I know how to succeed, scared to move forward but unable to stay put. Feeling like I have innate talents but feel unable to bring them to fruition, or Ben of service since not been sticking at and working toward one thing, have been indecisive. Have been isolated with a parent who is critical all winter and who is angry and sad in ways I absorbed but cannot help, we both feel the others Pain and there's blame. My mother committed suicide 10 years ago and I haven't had as much councilling as I maybe should have. Now my financial circumstances have been squeezed again and I feel back to square one. I need to address issues and move forward with a plan, meanwhile I get this feeling of pain near my heart/ upper stomach like sick stess feeling when I try to succeed, so I guess counselling would help me resolve that anxiety or whatever that is so I can continue to take steps forward and enjoy my life. I guess smoking was a coping mechanism and a light self harm/ felt like pressure release and now that's not an option. 

You're not a failure. You may be struggling right now but that does not make you a failure.  It sounds like you might be in crisis though. Do you have anyone around that you can talk to who can stay with you while you're feeling like this? 

No one except my dad who is kind of adding to the massive emotion. I can call people though, I just feel bad for leaning on them again. I need to take the lead on my life but perhaps I can't get everything done today! (Looking for work and new home!)

You choose.....and that choice will be the resolution to how you want to spend the rest of your life.

You choose.....and take responsibility with a strong heart and gracious smile.

You choose.....to NOT allow your current circumstances to "drive you crazy"...you HAVE a choice...your THOUGHTS.

You choose ....to get counselling, in whatever capacity you need to..

You choose......to live a Healthy, Happy and CRAZY FUN LIFE...

Choose Tessa.....so you can start "living in your skin" again....

G.

Please call them. People that love you want to help you, please believe that because it's true. I know if one of my loved ones, friend or family, was feeling the way you are I would want them to call me no matter what was going on in my live and no matter how many times they've leaned on me. I'm sure you would do it for them. Also are you able to see a physician anytime soon. If you aren't on any anxiety meds now maybe they can help? I know they did wonders for me. 

Hi, Tessa, 

My name is Lisa. I've been an RN for over 20 years and I would like to offer a suggestion. 

Do you have a primary physician? If so, please call and make an appointment for today. IF you don't have a doctor, please go to an "urgent care" or "doc in the box" to see the doctor or nurse practitioner. It is imperative that you speak to a health professional today, in person. 

With a family history of suicide, feeling severe anxiety, depression and self harm are all very serious issues that are beyond the scope of this forum. While everything said to you here was correct, compassionate and wise, it is no substitute for medical care. 

I say all this lovingly. And if you need help finding a provider, or with copay please inbox me and I will help you. 

Better days ahead my dear, 

please take care of yourself 

Week three.  That kind of proves you're not a failure and that you do have control over that at least.  Lisaml has good advice, please heed it.  We're all on your team here, Tessa.  Seeking professional advice is a wise thing to do right about now.  ♥

Hi Tessa.  I agree with Lisa.  You have talked about a lot.  You have been challenged a lot.  Quitting smoking is very healthy, but you need to take care of the whole person.  Schedule an appointment with your doctor or call a mental health clinic.  You don't need to be suffering like this.  In the mean time take a pair of rolled up socks and squeeze the when you feel like scratching your arm.  Let us know how you are doing.  Even if it is every hour.  Take deep breaths and try to stay focused on a task.

-Michelle

Thanks guys, I feel a bit bombed out, which is the light feeling of catching breath. Riding my bike was good, called a few helplines and happen to be visiting hometown tomorrow so Dr's said to call back in the morning for an on the day appointment. I'm at the library now looking for a new place to live. Sometimes life hurts but I so want to be here! Don't worry. Think I better take great good care of myself and not take the fact "I'm okay" for granted, be proactive. Thanks. Glad this is an okay space to discuss this, I think it's important that it is- maybe a group so those who don't want to see triggers can be safe from it but also people like me can still get such advice. 

See you are being so proactive that isn't something a failure does. Keep up the good work and keep us posted on how you're doing. 

TessaGrace Glad to hear you've reached out for some professional support! The EX community is a place to get advice and support from your fellow members. In addition to the resources you’ve already accessed, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) has trained crisis counselors that many people find helpful. As always, call 911 if you ever feel you are in imminent danger.

Mark
EX Community Manager

I truly know that no one is a failure, but I can still feel like a failure! This capitalist set up doesn't always help us value our innate qualities, those soft skills. 

At times it's like i don't have power any more so right now I don't relate, on the safer shore I will build on this premise more. *hissy fits

Sometimes they work too.

TessaGrace   You have gotten some really good advice, particularly from Lisaml‌, I am a retired RN and I absolutely agree with her that you need to see someone, call someone, your feelings of wanting to harm yourself are alarming.  You are clearly not a failure but it sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate right now.  Stomp your feet, yell, scream, punch pillows, cry...don't hurt yourself, you will be left with the damage...it won't be worth it.  We all want you to succeed in ALL of your endeavors

Hugs,

Ellen.

TessaGrace, I am sorry you have so much to cope with right now, but glad you are getting and taking good advice from others here especially Lisaml, I hope it gets better for you.

Bless you ♡ 

Hi, Tessa, 

Hopefully by now you've seen your doctor. I just wanted to check in on you and see how you're feeling today. Keep posted! Xxx

Eyes wide open...................Miles of Smiles

"Sometimes when you're in a dark place, you think you've been buried, but actually, you've been planted"--Christine Caine ‪#‎MotivationMonday‬ ‪#‎beawesome‬ ‪#‎Doorways‬

I like that

Hello everyone, quick update to say I did call a friend who supported me to stand firm in my decision to get my stuff to a new place to live, back on my old stomping ground. Several people have said it was quite crazy to have lived with my dad a whole three months and was causing stress for both of us. I got back to my home city and visited the GP and got a script for 8 diazepam which I can keep 'just in case'. I got a leaflet for some talking therapy service. I found a temporary home which seems fine and I have come to stay with my doting aunt for a few days after leaving my stuff there. So things have changed, I worked through the steps needed quickly and what I could do was what was needed, not much forcing energy and there was self compassion and kindness for Dad in the process. I've not wanted to do the biro arm thing but have had toothache/nerve pain after all those licorice allsorts maybe, or from the stress. Few more days with my family and I will go forward with heart. 

Thanks everyone. 

Bless our healing journeys, may we learn as well from smiles as tears. 

Glad you're back in your home city and have gone to your doc.  Hope things continue to progress in a better way for you.  Keep love in your heart.

Hi Tessa.  I'm very glad to hear you made needed changes without burning bridges or stressing out.  Also that you saw your doc and 

We're always here - come and talk whenever you need.

Wishing healing and peace for you!

Bree

Sounds like a good plan for now, Tessa. 

Let your Aunt dote on you all she wants:-)

please do stay close to this site and keep us posted. You have really handled this crisis with strength and beauty. I'm proud of you!! Xox 

Hi, I have  in boxed you.   Hope you find it helpful. 

Hugs Kim.

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This is a great update. I like how pro-active you are being about your mental health it is extremely important. Especially because quitting smoking adds that extra burden to our addicted brains. Keep up the good work. 

Glad you are going to be in a better environment and that you have a "just in case" Rx for diazepam.  Sending you peace.

Ellen

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