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189 Posts authored by: indingrl.01.06.2011

3:45am- TIME 

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 19, 2020

TODAY - only by God's grace -  I am given - 3300 DAYS OF FREEDOM - I try to go back to sleep -  yet here I am BLOGGING - awe -  the memories of having two cigs - to comfort ME and then go back to sleep - MY PAST ADDICTION LIFESTYLE  - OH boy -  do I remember -  smoking like a chimmey -  while Bible reading and studying in the early morning - I remember -  the many many TIMES -  I REALLY tried to QUIT SMOKING -  on MY OWN - MANY attempts since 1988 to November 5th 2011 - I tried over and over to -  stop smoking - STOP SUCKING ON DEATH STICKS -  to live in MY OWN skin without using MY DRUG NICOTINE and I remember thinking -  smoking calmed ME down - I believed smoking - HELP ME - to think and to do better with MY coping with people - places - things - situations - circumstances - MY emergencies - in MY LIFE - SMOKING -  before and after and in between -  a funeral to COPE with loss of MY loved one  OR smoking while taking a relaxing bath - OR THINKING - I really NEED a cigarette -  RIGHT NOW - just so I could deal with MY DAY of having to deal with PEOPLE  -  I made the emotional thinking DECISION to - stop so MANY TIMES - I REMEMBER - I just bought a full pack of red Marlboro - cost ME $6.50 - sucked on two DEATH STICKS - real quick - then I said. - that's it - I quit and I REALLY meant it - EACH TIME I tried to QUIT - I made MY many many many - attempts to - QUIT smoking -  I took them out of pack and I wet them down and I also ran water all over MY cigarette butts in MY ashtray - then threw ALL in the garbage - cigs and ashtray with wet butts and lighters and went to bed - VERY confident - very PROUD - I quit smoking on MY OWN!!!!  I got up early the next morning  - I went straight for the garbage - took out ALL the cigs I could save and laid them out on papertowels - they were covered in coffee grounds and the garbage remnants of garbage - I blew them DRY with MY blowdryer and smoked them ALL -  didn't think twice about it and asked MY husband to go buy ME 2 packs of smokes BEFORE he left for work and he did - I did NOT BELIEVE -  I would EVER quit smoking -- hmmmm - MY memories of the lengths I went to get MY fix - I am so GRATEFUL - in MY God's perfect timing HE blessed ME with HIS grace TODAY - to choose to blog BEFORE - I take that FIRST puff over ME - saying to MYSELF - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - SELF DISCIPLINE for ME takes prayer - I ask MY God -  to STAY NICOTINE FREE TODAY  - thanks for letting ME share MY experience strength and H.O.P.E. - oh MY and yesterday - I saw a driver with her window rolled down smoking- it is so cold here in MY neck of the woods  - and then I remembered - but for the grace of God go I - I remember to PRAY - for the smokers that I see TODAY and I thank MY God for HIS love and grace and tender mercies - I am NICOTINE FREE 3300 DAYS TODAY

Please I am talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - TODAY is MY 63rd birthday and MY husband gave ME flowers and this birthday card - I also received a birthday card from MY beautiful sister in Christ Jesus - her name is Kristi - she gave ME - H.O.P.E.- she has YEARS as a NON SMOKER and also mailed ME a birthday card - that to ME is a labor of love - LOVE IS ACTION - I like snail mail - it is nice to receive mail - - ONLY by God's grace -  I have 9 YEARS - ONE day at a time -  living as a NON SMOKER and I am GRATEFUL to keep moving forward -  in MY NON SMOKER DAY - I woke at 3am - I am up between 430am - 530am everyday that MY God blesses ME with and YET TODAY -  I am excited I just wanted to THANK ALL of YOU here -  for teaching ME to keep an open mind - to learning something NEW each day from EVERYONE here and to STAY a NON SMOKER - no matter what life on life's terms throws at ME in the midst of MY DAY and to keep growing up on the inside - to become MORE and MORE - spiritually mature - to let people be themselves by letting GO and letting God be God and to remember to live the way I choose and let YOU live the way YOU choose by saying to MYSELF - live and let live - when I want judge or criticize someone - for NOT doing their OWN NON SMOKER LIFE -  MY WAY - sometimes I TRY to play God in other people's life THINKING I know better than God - then I am humbled by MY God by remembering -  in the MY Bible -  the Book of Job - chapters 38 - 40 - which I read on - January 13 - 2020 - because it was SUGGESTED to ME to read it for MYSELF   - I PRACTICE - each moment in MY DAY to remind MYSELF  - to mind MY OWN -  business and taking MY OWN -  sin inventory - each DAY - MOST of ALL to remember to -  THANK MY God for HEALING ME in MY heart in MY Lord Jesus name amen gosh it is wondeful to - NOT HAVE TO SUCK ON DEATH STICKS TO COPE - TODAY - I have a CHOICE - live or die - I choose to live as a NON SMOKER - JOY filled and BLOGGING the way I CHOOSE in MY Lord Jesus name amen

We got the call to go to ER for MY daughter - with her liver shutting down bit by bit - unknown WHAT is going on NOW - scare and full of dread  - I had to wait for MY husband to get home from work - I didn't have enough gas to use MY car - so I prayed to MY God - please I am talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - MY daughter is trying to get on liver list - she has NOT completed the requirements and being a RECOVERING alcoholic - they have said to her face - WHY would WE give YOU a liver if YOUR going to drink again - so she had two more requirements to fulfill - her LIVER not WORKING and the ER visits closer and closer -  brings her to a liver appointment on January 28th - 2020 at 11 am to look at what stage her liver is at NOT working - ALL levels of her blood are WHACKED - the ER staff do the best THEY can and send her home to live the out her OWN LIFE the best she can - she goes right back to work and takes care of herself and her kids in keeping a JOB and FOOD and getting them to school and paying the heat to STAY warm - I REALLY am STAYING in learning -  to live this DAY ONLY -  by NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over ME and MY REALITY of the unknown OUTCOME of cirrhosis of the liver OR SUDDEN death from cirrhosis of the liver OR HEALED from cirrhosis of the liver by MY Lord Jesus - WHO is MY God - her is MY PROBLEM- ME and MY pride - I want to demand that MY God -  DO -  what I want with MY 34yr ADULT daughter - she is NOT a 7yr child - YET I treat her like that until she says MA!!!! it gets MY ATTENTION so I say I am sorry for treating YOU like a child - please forgive ME and she has so far and I am thankful for her kindness and love and understanding - It is HARD on MY heart as her mom and she said it's OK MA - so it was SUGGESTED to ME - toTODAY<img src='' class='jive_emoji'/> LET GO and TRUST MY God for the OUTCOME - so I CHOOSE to take that SUGGESTION - and enjoy MY DAY

Please I am talking about ME not anyone else - Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - MY reality - we were playing 500 rummy after enjoying a wonderful supper - then SUDDENLY - MY daughter is in pain and confused and out of her MIND so WE experinced this episode in December near death due to potasium level 2 and NOW simular symptoms with the out of her mind - spiked fever and confusion - she went from calm to berserk - at 730pm we are heading to ER with MY daughter - I prayed the word of GOD out loud the whole 20 minute ride - MY husband thanked ME - MY daughter reached for MY hand and the peace of GOD filled each of us - MY adult daughter - who at 34 yrs YOUNG has a body that is failing due to her diseased liver from alcoholism - it is a disease of a 3 fold in nature - the body and spirit and soul - this TIME her heart is getting weaker and her blood sugar is 49 - dr said this was NEAR FATAL for her and due to her diseased liver - her body is working out on all the rest of her internal organs overworked - in a nutshell - 49 blood sugar - they gave orange juice and jello and a sandwich to eat quickly - blood sugar 1 hour later - 188 and it will rebalancing will take place - now her potassium levels 3 - dr gave 2 potassium pills by mouth and iv potassium drip which takes 2 HOURS in vein - next WAITING -  this is the hardest for ME as a mother of an ADULT child to watch and WAIT - MY youngest - of 3 ADULT children - who's body is falling because-  she chose NOT to take her meds - 4 days off potassium causes COMA and DEATH - she has NOT taken the steps required to get on liver list - her CHOICE - I can't change her OR cure her and I did NOT cause this disease - YET this is where I must .- WAIT ON GOD'S OUTCOME -  NOW 2 times - she has CHOSEN to -  NOT to take her postasuum 4 days - EACH time - will bring FATAL results- an anonymous person said NO ONE KNOWS THE PAIN IN ANOTHER PERSON'S HEART - we were released at 1230pm - we offered her to spend night - she chose to drive home and is at work decorating 4 cakes TODAY - YES she is a CHEF decorator of baked goodies - then at the same time - same friday night around 7pm - MY husband sister is at ER - at another hospital - appendicitis needs to come out - surgery scheduled 6am on Saturday and WE went to be with his sister and surgery 6am  cancelled until noon - they took her in and total time 2 hours and then back to room and rechecked and dr said she will go home - ONLY by prayer and MY Daddy God's saving grace in MY Lord Jesus - I kept reading and praying HIS word - I asked for HELP - I received HELP from MY friend who prayed for ME to let go and trust God with HIS beloved daughter in Christ Jesus and with MY husband sister too - BELIEVE - TRUST and OBEY - knowing the OUTCOME for BOTH of OUR loved one's is in God's hands - I BREATHE deep - I cry with the long suffering since 2015 - dealing with this disease of body spirit and soul of MY precious daughter nearing death and I ask MY Holy Comforter to lead and teach ME to LET GO AND LET GODand the GOOD NEWS- NEVER TOOK ANOTHER PUFF over any of MY REALITY in MY Lord Jesus name amen it is written I can do all things through Christ Jesus which strengthens me- amen   



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 6, 2020

Hello - MY name is Indin grl - AKA - DIANEJOY - and - TODAY -  January 6th 2020 -  I am a RECOVERING NON SMOKER and I have 9 YEARS - TODAY - January 6th 2020 - I AM - living a JOY filled life in - MY DAY -  filled with MOMENTS of love and joy and peace- ever growing in long suffering and gentleness and goodness - taking the gains and losses of MY NON SMOKER DAY and - I stayed in prayer - ALL MY DAY - seeking MY God's will for ME and received more faithfulness and kindness and self control -  in MY Lord Jesus name and ONLY by God's grace in HIS love - I still come here EVERYDAY -  to give away ALL -  to keep it - that saying was taught to me in October of 1986 -  in one of MANY - 12 step support groups - MY God blessed ME with and still that saying - YOU gotta give it ALL away to keep it - works TODAY- January 6th 2020 - I was taught to keep an attitude of GRATITUDE- ALWAYS - and I have something to be GRATEFUL for EACH DAY - NO MATTER WHAT - life on life's terms HITS ME with - in the midst of family funerals - celebrations or just a boring DAY  - I attend more funerals this PAST year and learned that - now at MY young age of 62 - this PAST YEAR- so MANY of MY family are OLD and are going to heaven - 3 family members went to heavrn -  in a matter of DAYS of each other - it was over whelming this PAST YEAR - I was told - DEATH happens more NOW -  that I am 62 years young and more will take place - deal with it - life goes on - it happens to EVERYONE - that is LIFE on life's terms -hmmmmmm - TRUTH - FACTS - TOUGH LOVE - this is MY medicine that teaches ME to keep growing up and be RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE - NOT anybody else's - MY God's grace and TENDER mercies on ME to BELIEVE TRUST and OBEY MY God - until HE calls ME home - I pray in Jesus name HE finds ME working by faith in HIS service -  NOW to eternity - EACH DAY HE gives ME - to keep moving forward  - to keep thanking  MY God daily - for blessing ME - with ALL of YOU - here on this site - I CHOOSE to include ALL  -  EVERYBODY - EVERYONE - to thank -  ALL - EVERYONE -EVERYBODY - here on this -  RECOVERY FROM NICOTINE SITE - MY NON SMOKER family for teaching ME to keep -  learning and growing and healing - amen - please I am talking about ME - NOT anyone else - so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - it is on this site that I met Doris and she would love ME- every day - by sending love graphics on MY page - EVERYDAY-  until I could love MYSELF - EVERYDAY she would visit MY page beginning - in October 2010 until the day she went to be with MY Lord Jesus - I miss her so much and I know -  I will see her again!!!!!! LIVING one day at a time - TOGETHER - is MY God's gift of unconditional love to ME - I have been coming here ALMOST everyday to STAY GRATEFUL and in HIS love to HELP the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT to HOPEMay God continue to let ME be of HIS SERVICE to ALL those who need HIS love and joy and peace to BELIEVE - to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - to NOT ONE PUFF EVER - ONE BREATHE at a time  

Just for TODAY - I am SHARING what is happening to ME - I have been smelling cigarette SMOKE - it was so over powering YESTERDAY -  I just went to bed EARLY and TODAY - off and on since 4am -  the SMELL is strong - so I am telling this FACT OF NON SMOKER SMELL - TODAY for ME -  to MY RECOVERING FROM NICOTINE family- then I remembered what  - I have learned from ALL of YOU here -  to just BLOG -  what is going on with ME - TODAY - at 8 YEARS and 355 DAYS as a NON SMOKER - this SMELL of cigarette smoke is so REAL for ME - please I am talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - thank you - then I remembered to replace negative with POSITIVE SO ........Just for TODAY - Have fun - Just for TODAY remember YOU have choices - Just for TODAY write a gratitude list -  Just for TODAY do someone a good turn anonymously - Just for TODAY pray for someone - Just for TODAY call someone - Just for TODAY give YOURSELF a hug - Just for TODAY have an A B C plan - Just for TODAY take alone time out for God and YOU -  Just for TODAY go to a support group -  these were ALL SUGGESTIONS given by others to HELP ME STAY in TODAY - they have ALL worked for ME - Just for TODAY sharing MY experience strength and HOPE - thanks for letting ME share - gentle hug

Thanks for letting ME share MY Xcitment...... today .........counting down two more of MY JANUARY 6th.....2020........just trying to STAY in the NOW....I stayed in MY moments because I asked MY God for HELP and please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you ......and please talking about ME not anyone else.. TODAY....I prayed.......I came here and read blogs and shared MY Daddy God's unconditional love with ALL.......tried to encourage MYSELF and can't give away something you don't have is what I was taught in 1987 and PRAYER I was taught in 1986 and still all of these things work for ME.......TODAY........I have prayed for HELP to listen to MY body and have eaten when I was HUNGRY and NOT emotional eating and MY CHOICES to eat healthier foods is now MY new life style.....replacing OLD habitual emotional eating ....self discipline is very hard work .....I tried to draw yet MY heart wasnt in it so that didn't work out - so I came back here to be HELPFUL to some ONE person where I could .....I keep reading blogs they HELP save MY peace of mind to be of service in MY God's love...... thanks for letting ME share MY BALL OF EXCITEMENT........COUNTING DOWN TO JANUARY 6TH - 2020........I am filled wirh fresh BREATHE again 

MY new goal for 2020 is to pencil draw instead of emotionally eating MY feelings  - I am 230lbs NOW - MY weight has been an issue since 1963 to 2020 - please talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - I was 275lbs when I was blessed with a cold turkey quit in MY Lord Jesus tender mercies - I started eating healthier in august 2005- gaining weight and losing weight - a vicious cycle for ME - I THOUGHT smoking kept ME skinny - I would binge eat - smoke n coffee for 3 months - then pig out on EVERYTHING food I desired - then back to cigs and coffee 3 months - I ended up in ER in august 2005 - doctors were going to remove MY gallbladder and the ER doctor whispered in MY ear you have the beginning of cirrhosis of the liver - I told her I reject that and she said well your going up and they are going to take YOUR gallbladder out and I said whatever - when I got to MY room I called the Pastor of the hospital and asked for a bible - the Pastor name is Beth - she brought the Bible up and I shared MY life with her and thanked her and she left - I put praise and worship music on and went into the bathroom and got down on MY knees and prayed - Dear God whatever YOU want to ME to go through please HELP ME - I am scared and the doctor's said they want to take MY gallbladder and I reject cirrhosis -  whatever you have planned for ME I ask to be HEALED in Jesus name and YOUR HELP amen -  then I went and read the book of Psalms and did all the TESTS the 4 doctor's working on ME tested ME and  - AFTER all the tests - 3 DAYS later and at 1030pm - the specialists doctor's - their was 3 of them lined up by the wall and the lead doctor sat with ME on the bed  - he held MY hand and said - WE know what YOU came in here with - WE found NOTHING WRONG - WE are sending YOU home - I just smiled and said thank you and when they came in -  I was sitting reading and highlighting MY PSALM -  and after MY miracle happened - they saw with their OWN eye's - they were leaving MY room and one doctor stopped and said YOU are going to have to highlight that whole Bible and I said not necessarily - it depends on what YOUR looking for - they left and I left at 1130pm - AT NIGHT - at that TIME - 2005 -  I was 275lbs and ONLY by God's grace at that TIME - I was 18 YEARS SOBER - so since 2005 -  I don't drink pepsi anymore or eat chocolate - I changed tons of food choices since 2005  - yet I wasn't dealing with MY FEELINGS -  for 2020 I am pencil drawing while feeling my feelings - if I eat - I eat RAW veggies - been 3 days and a notebook of pencil drawings is full - just sharing the GOOD goals set for ME in MY Lord Jesus name amen - Thanks for letting me share



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Dec 31, 2019

JANUARY 6- 2020 - ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE - should MY Lord Jesus tarry - COUNTDOWN FOR ME - JANUARY 6- 2020 - please I am talking about ME -  not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest -to be HELPFUL is MY only aim -  thank you - YES - YES - YES - I am so - XCITED TO BE AN XSMOKER and a FAMILY MEMBER of this site since - OCTOBER 2010 and also a family member of - blessings to Joel S at that site - excellent book he wrote - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER and in MY Daddy Gods love - I love EVERYBODY here - it is written - God is love  - God's grace has given ME HIS love for MYSELF and EVERYBODY here - EVERYBODY IS EVERYONE HERE - in HIS love - I thank EVERYBODY for teaching ME to live in - TODAY- December 31, 2019 - YET - I just get sooooo VERY xcited about being  ALIVE INSIDE OF ME -  SO GRATEFUL to MY God for letting ME - live as a NON SMOKER -  TODAY- it is ALL I have - YESTERDAY is gone - tomorrow is NOT here YET  - MY TODAY is a gift from - MY God blessing ME with EVERYBODY HERE - TODAY - MY present is - MY learning from EVERYBODY in MY Lord Jesus name amen - Thanks for letting ME share MY experience strength and HOPE with EVERYBODY here - TODAY YOU NEVER know -  it may be MY lastSUDDENLY happens - it has been 4 months TODAY that MY adopted 27 year old son was killed in a SUDDENLY motorcycle accident and ONLY by MY God's grace - I didn't use HIS death as an excuse to suck on death sticks - I prayed and came here to blog BEFORE - I took that first puff - THANK YOU EVERYBODY for teaching ME - to blog FIRST - YOUR blogs which have and continue teaching ME SINAO - Smoking Is Not An Option - no matter what life on life's terms - SUDDENLY happens to EVERYBODY - even to ME - thank YOU to EVERYBODY for keeping ME - open- minded and growing by YOUR examples and HEALING by MY Daddy God's unconditional love -  that I receive from EVERYBODY here - by YOUR being MY living examples for ME to follow OR make a NEW CHOICE to change OR to take the simple SUGGESTION - to just breathe slowly  -  and EVERYBODY personal  BLOGS-  teaching ME - to pray for the willingness to be willing to learn from EVERYBODY here and learn how to keep  acceptance - to LEARN more and more - acceptance - to living a joy filled DAY- ONE MOMENT at a time  - in the midst of storms while - taking the hit of SUDDENLY  and to keep moving forward - THANKS EVERYBODY - in MY Lord Jesus name amen 

By God's grace -  I was given this NEW day - December 28 , 2019 - I say MY prayers and ask MY God for HIS will in MY life - above ALL I ask - I desire HIS will and plan and purpose this DAY for ME - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - in MY most precious memory of MY NICOTINE ADDICTION - was HOW ignorant I was when smoking - I learned from MY blood family to smoke -  MY blood family generations were RAISED in ADDICTIONS of many many varieties for YEARS - for ME - I choose to receive God's free gift of eternal salvation on November 6, 1986 - throughout MY intimate relationship with MY God - HE has been WORKING inside of ME - transforming MY character and MY heart into HIS love - joy - peace -  YET I would NOT stop smoking - at home Bible study -I was sucking down 50 death sticks a DAY while reading and studying the Bible - MY ignorance - I believed I would NOT suffer the consequences of smoking like other humans because I was saved - then I saw a t.v. commerical when a man tried to quit smoking and he was TRYING to drink a cup of coffee but he kept missing his mouth and the voice said it is hard at first to re- learn-  how to do things without smoking  - I laughed and thought to MYSELF poor thing - the ad was from and so I came to research this site on october 2010 and read the blogs and took the SUGGESTIONS all while TRYING to quit smoking on MY OWN and being on this site every DAY and I watched the early death video's at - the elders here SUGGESTED I go watch them - I got down to 2 - 3 smokes a DAY from 50 a DAY on MY OWN - then 2 - 3 lead right back to buying another pack -until I surrendered to MY God - I fell to MY knees on the kitchen floor and cried out - Dear Jesus - if you don't take these cigs from ME I will smoke them until I drop dead in Jesus name amen - then I woke up the next DAY on January 6 , 2011 - COLD TURKEY QUIT - I have been on this site since October 2010 - this is MY RECOVERY from NICOTINE ADDICTION - I am talking about ME - in 9 days only by God's grace I will celebrate MY God's grace love and tender mercies - STOP - the date is December 28 , 2019 - just for TODAY - it is the ONLY MOMENT - I have to continue - LIVING JOY FILLED IN MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - this DAY is FILLED with memories - full of gratitude - no more smoking at PEOPLE -  no more smoking emotionally filled with rage out of OLD habits OLD patterns - no MORE rewarding MYSELF sucking on death because I cleaned the house OR I just finished exercising - NO MORE coping with MY life on life's terms with sucking on 50 cigs in this DAY only - I am truly set FREE from MY NICOTINE ADDICTION this MOMENT - you NEVER know it may be MY last moment and one of MY legacies - she died a  JOY filled non smoker HELPING others by SHARING her experience and strength and hope - just like what was given to her - FREELY GIVEN



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Dec 21, 2019

Please talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- thank you - a lady asked ME to meet her at a support group and she was a NO show- I had a good meeting - then -  I went to visit - family and left after 20 minutes - due to dysfunctions of growing up in an alcoholic home  -  then I went and finished shopping for family gifts -  next I returned home and was very grateful - I got home safe and am a very grateful - NON SMOKER - through the silly season with drivers who use no turn signals whether turning or merging  - people NOT willing to move over a little in an aisle while shopping - thanks for letting ME vent- I am so joy filled-  I live ONE silly season DAY at a time - gentle hug

Cheering for EVERYONE today - I am taking the SUGGESTIONS presented to ME years ago and sharing MY experience strength and hope - to give it all away -  so I can keep it - MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE TODAY - the suggestions offered - so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - SUGGESTION was made to educate - MYSELF -  about MY nicotine addiction only - NOT anyone else's - also to get a NEW MINDSET - to throw away all my old nicotine addict FEELING THINKING - to be willing to remain open minded and be taught by those here on this site and at by Joel - here it was SUGGESTED -  I go there and watch the early death video's at that site and to read Joel's book - which I did read and the recovering FAMILY here SUGGESTED - that I read the book by Allen Carr - which I read too - I was as desperate as the dying may be to receive - HELP to STOP - using MY DRUG OF CHOICE - NICOTINE - to cope with - MY insides - to be wiiling to learn and grow and heal inside of ME - to grow up and take responsibility for MY CHOICES and consequences about living life on life's terms - without smoking at people - places -  things - circumstances - situations  - the suddenly that life throws at ME - MY brother in love killed by a drunk driver -at that time I had 3 months living as a non smoker - or the SUDDENLY of MY friend's son 27yr old killed in a motorcycle accident - I was 8 years living as a NON SMOKER  - I was 7 years living as a NON SMOKER and watching the long suffering of MY sister in love - dying slowly of lung cancer- that's LIFE -  I was told to deal with it - LIFE happens to EVERYONE - in MY PAST LIFE - I handled-  MY DAY - by sucking on 50 DEATH STICKS a day - just to cope with ONE day  - that's MY OLD DEATH LIFE! Just for TODAY - I was TAUGHT to live in - TODAY only -  I was taught to encourage MYSELF by saying out loud - to MYSELF - through out MY DAY- all day long - say over and over  - never take another puff ever  OR  smoking is not an option OR not one puff ever OR do the pledge with those here -  just for TODAY -  I will NOT smoke OR to blog about whatever - blog to just to vent - just blog -  BEFORE - I take that first puff over ME - I prayed for the willingness to be willing to accept others teaching ME to grow in their SUGGESTIONS of NEW ideas and NEW ways of coping with ME and MY insides to handle MY DAY - to STAY in this DAY - as a non smoker by -  HELPING others just like I was HELPED - give away the suggestions given FREELY to ME and pass the HOPE on to the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT - HOORAY FOR EVERYONE TODAY -  CONGRATS TO EVERYONE TODAY - WAY TO GO EVERYONE TODAY FOR CHOOSING TO LIVE NICOTINE FREE -  as a NON SMOKER just for TODAY -  it is ALL WE HAVE this DAY - TODAY - so GOOD JOB EVERYONE - YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you -  It came to 3250 NICOTINE FREE DAYS only by MY God's grace and the support of EACH INDIVIDUAL person here on this site - DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY in MY Lord Jesus name - the first 30 DAYS life hit HARD - family member killed by a drunk driver - I believe it was his 3rd arrest yet MONEY talks- this is what I learned DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY of living 3250 DAYS as a NON SMOKER - there is NOTHING new under the sun - same POOP different DAY - life on life's terms - MY personal choice and MY decision DAY after DAY after DAY to live THIS DAY ONLY - for ME - I GOTTA pray to God FIRST and then TRY to come here in HIS love and service to HELP the next SUFFERING NICOTINE ADDICT to Hear.Other.People.Experience. H.O.P.E. - thank YOU EVERYONE here for 3250 DAYS teaching ME to learn and grow from YOUR EXPERIENCE DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY - FYI whoever got up THIS morning of THIS DAY has the longest NICOTINE FREEDOM - thanks for letting ME SHARE  



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 26, 2019

Please I am talking about ME - not anyone else - please take what helps and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you MY SMOKEMARE -  I was smoking with this man and I knew him since 1987 and we were smoking like chimneys - one after the other - that's how I use to smoke at the end of MY using nicotine addiction lifestyle - we were splitting up the cigarettes - 2 for YOU and 2 for ME - there wasn't many left in pack and the cigs were fatter than usual cigs with white filter and they reminded me of -  Kent cigarettes - they were all white looking - then I was I was thinking of a way to get this man to marry ME- THEN I JUST WOKE UP  -  the man in MY SMOKEMARE has been dead for YEARS - he died from a massive heart attack - from his own personal chain smoking lifestyle - I woke up so GRATEFUL - MY SMOKEMARES have come and gone through MY NON SMOKER LIFESTYLE - YIKES - this SMOKEMARE - scared ME - smoking with a man that has been DEAD for YEARS from SMOKING - so I was taught in the BEGINNING - to tell about MY SMOKEMARES -  right away -  so NO seeds are left to plant in MY mind by ignorance on MY lieing to MYSELF - THINKING maybe after ALL these 8 YEARS - I will smoke just ONE and be OK - well this SMOKEMARE cleared that FAKE seed of a LIE - it's -  OUTTA MY MIND  -  just ONE will kill ME - I was smoking with a DEAD MAN - I knew HIM-  he owned HIS own business -  heat n cool company was married - who cares -  I was after HIS money to keep ME in MY cigarettes - that's what I thought when I woke up - ADDICTION knows no morals OR gives a crap - I stole money from MY mom when I was 15 years old to get MY cigs - If I stole from MY mom then as a USING NICOTINE ADDICT - I will steal YOUR money too - to get MY fix - please I am talking about ME - I made sure I had MY smokes BEFORE I brought food for MY kid's - it is a known FACT - an addict will steal YOUR wallet and HELP YOU LOOK FOR IT  - MY WARNING -  SMOKING STILL KILLS AND JUST ONE WILL KILL ME  - I thank MY God that by HIS love and grace and tender MERCIES for ME in MY Lord Jesus and by MY Holy Comforter by MY PERSONAL belief - I will REMAIN a NON SMOKER NOW to eternity in Jesus name amen - I was taught a SMOKEMARE is a warning - to go tell on MYSELF thoughts of using just ONE death stick - and to REMEMBER - to thank God - I am a NON SMOKER - just for TODAY - it is all I have to live through - TODAY- only by HIS grace and I am given - ONE DAY at a time to live -  THIS day ONLY fighting the good fight of faith - MY BATTLEFIELD OF MY MIND - not anyone else's - whoever got up the earliest - TODAY -this DAY ONLY -  has the most SMOBRIETY - FOR THIS DAY ONLY- IT IS ALL WE HAVE - THIS DAY - THIS 24 HOUR DAY -  yesterday is gone and tomorrow ain't promised to NO ONE! Thanks for letting ME share MY experience strength and HOPE - TODAY


Facing MY face

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 18, 2019

I got a flu shot in 2007 - ONE of the side effects is bells palsey - it is the 7th nerve paralyzed - like a having a stroke - so for 12 YEARS  I have been suffering with it and when Missy asked if she could paint ME - I was frightened to show MY face - in MY MIND - I am the face of the ugly witch with bulging eyes - anyway- I prayed while she painted that God would paint through her hands -  I sent Missy this picture of ME - the one shown above  and her painting has shown ME the beauty Missy caputured on her canvas -  God painted MY face I believe by using Missy to show ME HIS love on facing MY face - I believed MY God answered MY prayer - MY eyes are filling with tears and MY heart bursts with MY God's grace - I look at MY portrait - the bells palsey is hardly noticeable - I thanked God and Missy for giving ME a beautiful face to face - I just kept thanking Missy for a job well done - WOW GOD'S GIVEN TALENT TO MISSY- thanks for letting ME share

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