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1 Post authored by: dawn8995
dawn8995

The struggle is real!

Posted by dawn8995 Jan 25, 2019

I wanted January 21 to be my quit date more than anything as it is my mothers birthday. She quit after 40 years of smoking unfiltered Lucky Strikes. I wanted her birthday to be my quit day since she passed away.

Unfortunately things did not go as planned but I haven't given up. I have attempted to quit many times in the past and was only successful for short periods of time. on December 30, I started taking Chantix again for the second time with a quit date of January 21. My motivation for this quit was at the highest level that I ever recalled. By the second week of January I was only smoking 10-15 cigarettes a day, down from up to two packs a day. I began to have some stomach issues which I attributed to the Chantix so I started skipping doses and ended up not using it at all anymore. On the evening of the 20th I smoked what I hoped was going to be my last cigarette. On the 21st, I woke up and prepared for work and I DID NOT smoke. I was a "light a cigarette" before I even get out of bed person so this was an accomplishment. I was fine. UNTIL the drive to work. This is where I have the most trouble. I cant shake the need to smoke while driving in the car. Although I was disappointed that I smoked, I was still not willing to give up and go back to smoking packs a day. And this is where I am stuck right now. That day and every day since, I have smoked 3 cigarettes each day. One on the way to work, one on the way home and one during the early evening. Part of me says, OK if this is the best I can do, I am ok with it. 3 is better than 30. But I know that is not true.  The weekend is coming and I know I will struggle because of not being at work. I am fine when there is NO opportunity to smoke. I do not lie to my family members about smoking, but I am committed to never smoke in front of them again so this does help with opportunity.

I have read everything I can find and have time to read so I know that I haven't went through the nicotine withdrawal yet because of the three cigarettes that I do smoke each day but I really haven't been miserable. I don't think the physical part of the addiction is my problem. The cigarettes I do smoke no longer taste "good" to me. My problem is the mental part. The routines that I had, the boredom, and simply just the opportunity. I know that I don't need the cigarette and am mad at myself for even smoking it but so far I haven't been able to NOT smoke it. I can't follow my husband around so that I don't smoke, I cant work doubles everyday so that I don't smoke although right now that seems to be the only thing keeping me from those three cigarettes. My desire to take my granddaughter to Walt Disney World with the money I save from not smoking is my motivation. The lord knows that I have been dreaming of the day that her and I walk hand in hand into Disney World. Any words of encouragement or tips will gladly be accepted.

 

Thank all of you for all your contributions to this site. All the education and words of encouragement are great. I have read for hours which keeps my mind off of smoking.

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