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7 Posts authored by: bonnie.s


Posted by bonnie.s Apr 9, 2020

I had to go to the grocery store and while In line at the customer service counter I overheard the cashier telling a lady in front of me that they were out of her brand.  The lady was discussing other brands she'd smoke instead.  The cashier said they were selling out fast.  That made me stop and think about the panic I myself would be in right now if I still smoked.  I'd be out right now trying to hoard cigs like toilet paper!  I'd have no concern for mine, or possibly my daughters safety right now.  Cigs would be my priority.  Sad thought!  I can feel empathy for that lady.  I'm so glad that isn't my reality anymore.  


Scan of head and neck done

Posted by bonnie.s Sep 20, 2019

Test was done this morning after another episode of my neck swelling and shortness of breath.  I was told with today being Friday, I  probably will not get results until Monday.  Praying for a positive outcome.


Month 2

Posted by bonnie.s Aug 22, 2019

Cravings are few and far between right now. Walked past the smoke booth outside work several times today, it smelled!  Glad I'm not in there puffing away anymore. I find it strange that I can smell the stink from a group but not on a single person.  In past quits I've always smelled people who smoked.  Weird!  While I've had no cravings I have found myself on occasion saying to myself, ok time for a quick smoke break!   Feeling good mentally not physically.  My throat has swelled yet again.  This now makes three times since I quit just 63 days ago.  Doctors appointment in the morning.  I think I'm gonna request some addition testing this time.  



Posted by bonnie.s Aug 1, 2019

I was a heavy drinker, coffee that is.  Day and night, pot after pot.  I couldn't get enough of its warm, caffeinated goodness.  Friends and family would franticly make runs to the store to buy coffee and have a pot ready for my visit.  It could be 100 degrees outside and I'd be walking around with my insulated thermos of coffee.  For many years it was all I would drink.  I lived my entire 20's and 30's on coffee, cigarettes and chocolate.   I remember quitting good paying jobs because I wasn't allowed breaks when I needed them and I'd physically get sick if I went to long without coffee.  I'd start out with a headache that would progress to feelings of light headiness.  I remember the feeling like someone was pulling all the skin on my face upwards. the feeling of starting to black out.   Then my headache was a full blown migraine and the pain becoming so intense that I would vomit.  I remember that feeling coming out of work one day.  I was praying to make it home in time but did not.  I grabbed an empty coffee cup, ex-large and had been drinking on my way in to work that morning, and with one hand steering down the highway vomiting and overflowing that empty paper cup on my way home.  The cure for the sickness was more coffee,  I'd make a pot and drink several cups and lay around on the couch till I'd start feeling better.  I told everyone my addiction  to caffeine was worse than my addiction to nicotine and I was convinced I could give up my smokes before I could my delicious black gold.  I may have been wrong!  I've noticed, now 40 some days into my quit that I could care less if I have coffee or not.  No sickness from not having it handy at all times.  I've been craving ice cold  drinks instead especially water! Not really missing the caffeine at all but the nicotine is a whole other story, miss them daily still.    No real purpose to this blog.  Just thinking about how one addiction feeds another, at least in my case.


It's not nice to stare

Posted by bonnie.s Jun 9, 2017

Yesterday while coming up a ramp to merge onto a major highway I was stopped by a female flagger.  Oh great, I thought, construction!  Now I'm one to mind my manners and I learned young that staring is not polite.  Yesterday I was not polite!  At first I looked ahead as I sat there for what seemed forever.  I started getting impatient, thinking when is this lady going to let me go, I've places to be.  Then it happened!  Out the corner of my eye I saw her light up.  I look.  No.  I stare!  She was really woofing it down.  Puff after puff without coming up for air.  I remember thinking what a bad fit she was having and how long it must have been since she had had her last.  Yes, I could relate to that ugly image.  I remembered the satisfaction of that first long drag.  How it would bring instant relief to all my woes.  What I didn't remember is just how ugly that feeling is.  I thought back to the jitters, dizziness, feelings of anger, lack of concentration on anything other than getting my fix.  I thought about how when my break time would come, how I would knock anyone over in my way as I headed for the nearest designated smoking area.  I WAS sick!  She (the flagger lady) IS sick!  Not only is she sick but she's so very unattractive.  I mean really!  Why did no one ever tell me how unattractive I looked puffing away like that, killing myself!  My stomach was in knots by the time she waved me past.  I feel bad for her.  She's killing herself in the most ugly manner. 


Check In

Posted by bonnie.s Apr 20, 2017

Check In.  Haven't been on in awhile.  Gardening and tending the new baby chicks has kept me busy.  Was amazed to see It's been 82 days.  I hadn't given it much thought really.  I will say this has been an intense week craving wise but I refuse to feed that demon.  I think family tension from the holidays has been the reason for wanting that smoke so badly.  Just have to remind myself to keep moving forward as a non smoker



Posted by bonnie.s Feb 18, 2017

Day 21 smoke free.  I don't remember who posted but I just read on here where someone said about there will still be bad days no matter if you smoke or not.  I just read that like a day or two ago and it couldn't have been seen at a better time because today I had a bad day.   The kind that in the past would have cost me my quit.  This time however the first thing I said to myself was there will be bad days no matter what and I don't have to smoke because of it.  Day 21 smoke free.  I couldn't be happier

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