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PastTense

Sneaky Stuff 4/90

Posted by PastTense Dec 7, 2019

I've been a closet smoker for the better part of 15 years.  The fact that I felt I needed to hide smoking should have been the first clue that I shouldn't have been smoking in the first place.  Who hides things they are proud of?  No one.

 

So I snuck around.  I found places to stop on the way home from work that offered some shield from the weather and had a cigarette before I got to my house.  I added at least 20 minutes to my commute every night so I could have an extra smoke.

 

I sprayed myself down with odor spray, hid packs and lighters in a shoebox in the closet.  I wouldn't buy a purse unless there was an inner zipper pocket where I could secret my supplies.  I always knew exactly where I had supplies and how many were left and when I would have to go buy more.  I always bought other stuff so the cashier wouldn't think I had only come in to the store for smokes.  I mean, why on earth would I care what the cashier thought?  Because it was all about being better than smokers.  I was better than those silly people who smoked out in the open

 

I consider myself to be a person of integrity.  I didn't exactly lie about smoking, but I could change the subject faster than you can imagine.  And I always, always had a cover story.

 

Being a non-smoker is much less fraught.  I don't need a cover story - there isn't anything to cover up.

Now I can learn what life is like without sneaking.

 

PT

The cost of smoking goes way beyond the price of a pack of cigarettes.  It's more than the money wasted repairing and replacing items that were ruined by a stray ash or the smaell of smoke. 

When I think about the total cost of smoking, I know that TIME is a significant contributor to the bottom line.

 

Smokers who work are confined to certain times a day when they can go out and take a smoke.  Whatever that time amounts to, I'm guessing to around an hour a day, could so easily be used for something else.  I remember that mad dash at the designated moment to get to my supplies and then rush to the designated smoke area and then puff as quickly as possible to get a couple of cigarettes in before returning to work.  If it was cold and nasty or even horribly hot and humid - it just didn't matter.  I feel sorry for my co-workers who had to live with the smells afterwards!

 

Those of us who spent time as "closet smokers" had the additional constraints fo trying not to let anybody see us. For me, that meant the addtional time to go out to the parking lot and get in my car.  Sometimes I just drove around at lunch so I could smoke.

 

At home, no project got started without a smoke first  That project could as small as moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer, but there had to be a smoke before and probably after.  Bigger projects required frequent breaks and took at least twice as long to complete.

 

After I got married, I spent a lot of time thinking of errands that had to be run so I could smoke without being seen.  I don't know how many trips to the hardware store I made because I "forgot" some little thing.  Grocery stores, pet food, dry cleaners - any errand served as cover to smoke during the weekend.

 

I spent time finding parks where I could pull over in the shade and smoke in the summer.  During the winter, I looked for areas that might block the wind so I could leave the window rolled down.

 

So many minutes and hours gone literally up in smoke.  Another reason to keep the quit

 

PT

Cheering for EVERYONE today - I am taking the SUGGESTIONS presented to ME years ago and sharing MY experience strength and hope - to give it all away -  so I can keep it - MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE TODAY - the suggestions offered - so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - SUGGESTION was made to educate - MYSELF -  about MY nicotine addiction only - NOT anyone else's - also to get a NEW MINDSET - to throw away all my old nicotine addict FEELING THINKING - to be willing to remain open minded and be taught by those here on this site and at whyquit.com by Joel - here it was SUGGESTED -  I go there and watch the early death video's at that site and to read Joel's book - which I did read and the recovering FAMILY here SUGGESTED - that I read the book by Allen Carr - which I read too - I was as desperate as the dying may be to receive - HELP to STOP - using MY DRUG OF CHOICE - NICOTINE - to cope with - MY insides - to be wiiling to learn and grow and heal inside of ME - to grow up and take responsibility for MY CHOICES and consequences about living life on life's terms - without smoking at people - places -  things - circumstances - situations  - the suddenly that life throws at ME - MY brother in love killed by a drunk driver -at that time I had 3 months living as a non smoker - or the SUDDENLY of MY friend's son 27yr old killed in a motorcycle accident - I was 8 years living as a NON SMOKER  - I was 7 years living as a NON SMOKER and watching the long suffering of MY sister in love - dying slowly of lung cancer- that's LIFE -  I was told to deal with it - LIFE happens to EVERYONE - in MY PAST LIFE - I handled-  MY DAY - by sucking on 50 DEATH STICKS a day - just to cope with ONE day  - that's MY OLD DEATH LIFE! Just for TODAY - I was TAUGHT to live in - TODAY only -  I was taught to encourage MYSELF by saying out loud - to MYSELF - through out MY DAY- all day long - say over and over  - never take another puff ever  OR  smoking is not an option OR not one puff ever OR do the pledge with those here -  just for TODAY -  I will NOT smoke OR to blog about whatever - blog to just to vent - just blog -  BEFORE - I take that first puff over ME - I prayed for the willingness to be willing to accept others teaching ME to grow in their SUGGESTIONS of NEW ideas and NEW ways of coping with ME and MY insides to handle MY DAY - to STAY in this DAY - as a non smoker by -  HELPING others just like I was HELPED - give away the suggestions given FREELY to ME and pass the HOPE on to the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT - HOORAY FOR EVERYONE TODAY -  CONGRATS TO EVERYONE TODAY - WAY TO GO EVERYONE TODAY FOR CHOOSING TO LIVE NICOTINE FREE -  as a NON SMOKER just for TODAY -  it is ALL WE HAVE this DAY - TODAY - so GOOD JOB EVERYONE - YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wayyyyy back when I started smoking, the cost of Name Brand cigarettes was less than a dollar per pack. They are a lot more expensive today, but certainly not the only cost to smoking. I was thinking about all the OTHER dollar costs I incurred that are directly related to smoking.

  1. Seat covers: I probably ruined 4 or 5 car seats from cigarette burns. I distinctly remember burning the back seat of my car the day before I was trading it in on a new car. It’s hard to know for sure how much I lost in trade-in value.
  2. Clothes: I cannot even estimate what I have lost replacing clothes because of burn holes. I know I also ruined a few items just from washing them too often. I couldn’t afford dry-cleaning and I hated my clothes to smell smoky, so I washed everything all the time.
  3. Odor spray: Room fresheners and fabric fresheners and perfumed sprays and every other thing I bought hoping to disguise the smell of smoking. I kept a bottle in the car and a bottle in the coat closet and a bottle in my bedroom closet and sprayed liberally and often. I should have bought stock in the company – or maybe a 55 gallon drum.
  4. Sunglasses: speaking of spraying; I managed to ruin a pair of Ray Ban prescription sun glasses with the overspray. Something in the spray damaged the coating to the glasses making lenses look like they were covered in rain drops.
  5. Antihistamines: I have seasonal allergies during the best of times. Smoking made them a thousand time worse and year-round. Even now I am taking 4 different kinds of antihistamines plus a decongestant. Even over the counter meds cost a lot when you take them every single day.

I wonder if I still would have started smoking if I had known what how much money I would invest in that habit.

hattonc

Hello

Posted by hattonc Dec 4, 2019

Good Morning Everyone,

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

mine was ok..still smoke free.. I’m so thankful for the support I received on this site , I haven’t been on here much lately but trying not to go too far off bcuz some days I really need the support , not just for maintaining my quit but just good support 

Thabk you once again ..N.O.P.E

PastTense

90 Posts in 90 Days

Posted by PastTense Dec 4, 2019

I have heard that in AA, if you slip in your sobriety it is recommended that you attend 90 meetings in 90 days.  I don't know if it's true or just what I saw on TV, but it makes sense to me.

So I am challenging myself to write 90 posts in 90 days.  I need an anchor to my quit.  I need the accountability to being on this site every single day.  I need to do whatever it takes to kick smoking to the curb once and for all time.

Day One post

 

PT

Sticking with N.O.P.E - Not One Puff Ever and vigilance N.M.W.- No Matter What-works when applied on a daily basis it definetly gets easier and easier with time under your belt and it definitely gets better and better without the crutch of cigarettes BUT it does take time to relearn life as an EX Smoker Non Smoker or EXer it doesn't matter what you call it as long you stick with your precious quit so each evening you can look yourself in the  mirror and say YAY for another Day WON it's up to each of us to nurture and protect the best gift that any of us will ever give ourselves which is the GIFT OF LIFE.....

MindaLee

It’s Time

Posted by MindaLee Nov 30, 2019

I knew vaping wasn’t the safest but safer than cigarettes. I knew I couldn’t do it forever but hoped I could. As I type that I lay here tired. Exhausted really. I’m detoxing from nicotine. threw away my vape this morning and everything that went with it. I’m ready. I took a restless two hour nap and am laying back down in bed. I’m mad for not using the full Thanksgiving break to quit and should’ve started on Wednesday but at least I started. I choose to embrace this quit. It’s my final quit. If I don’t quit, it could be my final quit. I cast my care to God and lean on him first and foremost during this time. I know you all will be here with me too and I thank you in advance for that. 

God Bless You All,

 

Minda

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you -  It came to 3250 NICOTINE FREE DAYS only by MY God's grace and the support of EACH INDIVIDUAL person here on this site - DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY in MY Lord Jesus name - the first 30 DAYS life hit HARD - family member killed by a drunk driver - I believe it was his 3rd arrest yet MONEY talks- this is what I learned DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY of living 3250 DAYS as a NON SMOKER - there is NOTHING new under the sun - same POOP different DAY - life on life's terms - MY personal choice and MY decision DAY after DAY after DAY to live THIS DAY ONLY - for ME - I GOTTA pray to God FIRST and then TRY to come here in HIS love and service to HELP the next SUFFERING NICOTINE ADDICT to Hear.Other.People.Experience. H.O.P.E. - thank YOU EVERYONE here for 3250 DAYS teaching ME to learn and grow from YOUR EXPERIENCE DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY - FYI whoever got up THIS morning of THIS DAY has the longest NICOTINE FREEDOM - thanks for letting ME SHARE  

indingrl.01.06.2011

MY SMOKEMARE!!!!

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 26, 2019

Please I am talking about ME - not anyone else - please take what helps and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you MY SMOKEMARE -  I was smoking with this man and I knew him since 1987 and we were smoking like chimneys - one after the other - that's how I use to smoke at the end of MY using nicotine addiction lifestyle - we were splitting up the cigarettes - 2 for YOU and 2 for ME - there wasn't many left in pack and the cigs were fatter than usual cigs with white filter and they reminded me of -  Kent cigarettes - they were all white looking - then I was I was thinking of a way to get this man to marry ME- THEN I JUST WOKE UP  -  the man in MY SMOKEMARE has been dead for YEARS - he died from a massive heart attack - from his own personal chain smoking lifestyle - I woke up so GRATEFUL - MY SMOKEMARES have come and gone through MY NON SMOKER LIFESTYLE - YIKES - this SMOKEMARE - scared ME - smoking with a man that has been DEAD for YEARS from SMOKING - so I was taught in the BEGINNING - to tell about MY SMOKEMARES -  right away -  so NO seeds are left to plant in MY mind by ignorance on MY lieing to MYSELF - THINKING maybe after ALL these 8 YEARS - I will smoke just ONE and be OK - well this SMOKEMARE cleared that FAKE seed of a LIE - it's -  OUTTA MY MIND  -  just ONE will kill ME - I was smoking with a DEAD MAN - I knew HIM-  he owned HIS own business -  heat n cool company was married - who cares -  I was after HIS money to keep ME in MY cigarettes - that's what I thought when I woke up - ADDICTION knows no morals OR gives a crap - I stole money from MY mom when I was 15 years old to get MY cigs - If I stole from MY mom then as a USING NICOTINE ADDICT - I will steal YOUR money too - to get MY fix - please I am talking about ME - I made sure I had MY smokes BEFORE I brought food for MY kid's - it is a known FACT - an addict will steal YOUR wallet and HELP YOU LOOK FOR IT  - MY WARNING -  SMOKING STILL KILLS AND JUST ONE WILL KILL ME  - I thank MY God that by HIS love and grace and tender MERCIES for ME in MY Lord Jesus and by MY Holy Comforter by MY PERSONAL belief - I will REMAIN a NON SMOKER NOW to eternity in Jesus name amen - I was taught a SMOKEMARE is a warning - to go tell on MYSELF thoughts of using just ONE death stick - and to REMEMBER - to thank God - I am a NON SMOKER - just for TODAY - it is all I have to live through - TODAY- only by HIS grace and I am given - ONE DAY at a time to live -  THIS day ONLY fighting the good fight of faith - MY BATTLEFIELD OF MY MIND - not anyone else's - whoever got up the earliest - TODAY -this DAY ONLY -  has the most SMOBRIETY - FOR THIS DAY ONLY- IT IS ALL WE HAVE - THIS DAY - THIS 24 HOUR DAY -  yesterday is gone and tomorrow ain't promised to NO ONE! Thanks for letting ME share MY experience strength and HOPE - TODAY

Baby-J

Hello Day One

Posted by Baby-J Nov 25, 2019

I have been looking for this for a while now. Going through the cycle all over again really sucks but I'm glad that I'm psyched up to try it out. I am going to be on nicotine replacement (gum) I cannot take chantix because I just found out we are expecting so never a better reason than that. But I think the gun will help me this time because I've got experience with quitting. And practice makes everything easier. So here we go! Keep me occupied tomorrow ladies and gents send funny comments and post encouraging words. Humor works wonders for day one. Thanks for the support!!

razzelbal

Feeling Ready!

Posted by razzelbal Nov 24, 2019

I have moved up my Quit date to Nov. 25 tomorrow I'm excited and some of you have already given me a lot of positive feedback thank you very much. Just learning how to use this site and trying to quit smoking has been a long journey and I feel I'm ready. 

Hi Everyone at Ex’s...

 

I received a beautiful gift in the mail today from Missy, our very own Mandolinrain.  Thank you so much Missy for this reminder of when I joined Ex’s and my approaching 1 year quit.  If there was one thing good about this addiction it was finding Ex’s and all of you...I can’t thank each of you enough for helping me to stay focus on this journey....Blessings and a Happy Saturday...~ Colleen 355 DOF 

 

Roj

Phone calls need to be made

Posted by Roj Nov 22, 2019

Spoke to the man I consider to be my dad last night...he has been in the hospital for weeks and I didn’t even know it. We get so wrapped up in our own crap that we forget how fragile life is and to make those calls more often, especially if you are in a different state. The guilt I felt and sadness for all he went through and I wasn’t even aware made me want to smoke....what a great idea that would be to lose my quit and speed up my COPD...NOT!!!! during this holiday season I hope everyone reaches out to all their loved ones at least by phone...blessings

PastTense

It's the little things

Posted by PastTense Nov 19, 2019

I used to imagine that quitting smoking was like fighting a beast.  It was a tough fight, but once the beast is dead; the beast is dead.

I no longer think that's an apt analogy.  I think smoking is more like getting rid of cockroaches.  You have to really WORK to get rid of cockroaches.  You can't just spray some chemicals and BOOM, they're gone.  You have to make sure your house is spotless so they don't have a food source.  You have to make sure you don't have an plumbing drips, or dampness in the house.  You have to make lifestyle changes so you never leave a dirty plate in the sink.  And STILL, some night you'll creep out to the kitchen for a snack, throw on the lights, and see the scurrying little nasties run for cover.

 

That's my stage of quit.  I have made the lifestyle changes and bombed the house and now I'm slogging through the maintenance.  Not complaining, mind you; I just mulling over my quit on the drive to work (whilst remaining smoke free), and this popped into my head. 

PT

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