I finally blew it. On Wednesday night around 8pm, I bought a pack of cigarettes:( Like a criminal I waited for everyone to go to bed and then snuck outside, wrestling with my conscience the whole way. I opened the pack, and smoked one of the cigarettes. It was a strange combination of wonderful and gross. (That's probably why I only smoked one)
I feel like a hypocrite. The second cigarette I smoked was the next morning when I was out on an errand, feeling sick and dishonest the whole time. Then again last night I smoked one and this time I paid attention to my mind and my body trying hard figure out what I was doing and why. One thing I noticed was when I exhaled the smoke kept coming out of my lungs, so exhaled harder and it kept coming......GROSS!!!! I then remembered what my carbon monoxide levels were before I quit in the first place. I can't claim a slip because I did it on purpose. I felt sad and disappointed in myself and still do. But I brought the pack to my husband (all of them) and told him what I had done. He refused to distroy them, He said this is entirely my decision. So
I broke them up into a Walmart bag and went out to my studio to write this confession. It was very hard to bust those cigarettes and I have yet to add water to the left overs! I need to reset my quit date, I haven't smoked any today yet, but I noticed that there were still a couple of good ones left in bag. . I am hearing on the ledge.
.. I am sorry to let you all down.
I am soo very excited today! Tomorrow I get on a plane to fly to a Art Doll Convention! This was my original incentive to quit smoking 5 months ago!! My hubby told me that I could use the money I saved. That money bought me a round trip plane fare across country, it bought me passes to all the events, (Ice cream party, baby shower and awards banquet) It paid for my entry fee for my contest babies, (two!) And it paid for my class fee for an advanced rooting class with a master reborn artest! I guess when you are excited you want to smoke...but then I got excited and forgot!!!
Cricket 149 DOF