Skip navigation
All Places > Conversations > Blog > Author: Carmensan

Conversations

1 Post authored by: Carmensan
Carmensan

the struggle is real

Posted by Carmensan Jan 4, 2019

heIlo again! I’ve been MIA because honestly,,. I am struggling with my quit! I have a weak mind and a hard headed personality. I’m literally battling with myself! I know cold turkey is the way to go. Cutting down seems like I’m being dragged by the collar and the hustle is real! Hate it. Prior to having decided to attempt this quit, I smoked almost every hour. When I smoke I mean I inhale the crap out of the cigs every time like there is no tomorrow.. my mind is whacked.. I’m like, well a 90 year old smokes and still lives and ends up passing without any smoking related issue. Where as a unhealthy person making a healthy life decision suddenly passing.., or a non smoker passing with something only smokers are high risk off .... I end up thinking .. if it’s your time , it’s your time no matter what you do. I get it . Thst shouldn’t be the way to think and that I should go on being positive and make this positive change for my self. I mean heck who wants to be on a life support machine or who wants to go through cemo therapy, I even calculated all those expenses to try to get it through my thick skull.. seeing black lungs due to smoking doesn’t even phrase me .. I do feel guilty. I’m all over the place ... I’m writing this because I can’t lie. Truthfully for me.. huge progress is that from smoking every hour has turned into once a day or sometimes none at all. Truth is it is hard to be around smokers .. that’s where my once a day comes in.. I’m officially bumming off cigs like a loser. I now know why people gain weight because I noticed I’ll eat without thinking about it so fill in what feels missing. I’m slowly trying to get it and I hope it’s jot to late. I’m very proud of all you non smokers and maybe one day soon I will get there. I’ve been reading on other blogs that suddenly stoooed posting. I know they’re back to smoking because their day one is as bad as mine and I know how they feel. At the same time all the ex smokers been through what I’m going through so I should just suck it up, man it up and just do it ! I think I can and I know I can .. I just have to prep my mind and fight all the voices in my head lol 

min done ranting and I’ll read this again to remind my self... 

Filter Blog

By date: By tag: