Today would be my sister Tammy's birthday. It would be, except she died last spring. She should be 60 years old this year. Her daughter just graduated from college.
My sister suffered from a number of health issues that left her basically disabled. Or so she claimed. She said she could barely walk. She said some days she couldn't get out of bed. She said she couldn't work, or return phone calls, or do any of the things she promised she would do.
But she could still smoke. She never had a problem getting to the back porch for a cigarette. I was estranged from my sister for decades and for good reason before she passed away. The last fight we had was about her still smoking while using her illness to get out of responsibility. She told me is was none of my effing business.
She was right. I responded that her illness was not my problem, either.
Her death was not directly associated with smoking, but her health problems were definately exacerbated by it.
There is no point to the post, other than it's been gnawing at me all day.
Keep the quit
PT
I can hear the grief (and guilt) in your words. The grief will lessen, in time, but you must let go of the guilt. It sounds to me like she was a manipulative person who wanted what she wanted and would go to any lengths to get it. Her life and actions were HER choices. It sounds to me like she did exactly as she wanted - others' opinions and advice be d@mned. She knew you loved her. How could she not?
I am sorry for your loss, and for the damage she left behind.
Sending love and peace to you today.
Nancy