90/90 update at 50/90

Blog Post created by PastTense on Jan 23, 2020

The fiftieth blog seems like a good time to step back and review my plan to write 90 posts in 90 days. I’m over halfway through the blogs and a little surprised by the whole process, to be honest.

I decided to try 90 in 90 because my quit was broken. I started this quit in March of 2019. Nearly a year ago.   I would quit for 5, 6, up to 7 or 8 days at a time and then break down and by a pack, swearing to myself I would have “just one”. Very often I did have just one. More often I would have 3 or 4 and throw the pack away only to buy another pack the next day. This is basically the story of 2019. During this time, my sister passed away at 58 years old. She was a smoker. And STILL, I could not go for more than a week without breaking my quit. I didn’t post my DOF, because I was embarrassed about constantly resetting back to 0.

Nevertheless, I was committed to quitting. Obviously, what I was doing wasn’t working. If you quit smoking and you’re still smoking; you’re doing it wrong. Right? So I had to find something that would work better.

In a moment of either genius or desperation (possibly both); I challenged myself to 90 posts in 90 days. I recalled a TV show I had seen 20 years ago about a doctor who had gone through rehab and then relapsed. He was told to attend 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I decided I was going to do the same thing.

I was hoping that hanging out here would help remind me of why I want to quit smoking. I thought that I would anchor my quit and really dedicate some time into being quit. I seriously underestimated how hard it is to post a blog every day, especially when each blog is essentially about the same thing. I spend a significant portion of my day thinking about quitting.

So far, it is working. After a rocky start where I regretted this decision, it seems to be working. I don’t have 50 days quit, but I do have more than I ever had before. I don’t feel like a non-smoker, but I don’t feel like a pretender, either. I have another 40 blogs to go and no earthly idea what I am going to write about. I am committed to the next 40 blogs. I am committed to

keep the quit.